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Ostracising

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#1 Jan 16 - 1PM
Phoenix72
Phoenix72's picture

Ostracising

I think it's so hypocritical how they ignore/ostracize us. If they are not responded to within a short amount of time or if we don't feel like talking about an issue, they reem us as if we had murdered someone. BUT they ignore/ostracize us all the time and that's acceptable to them! For instance, my EXN is infamous for ignoring and now ostricising. He ended the relationship, which started out as my idea but you know how they are, 2 weeks ago and the only time he has initiated contact was last Wednesday to tell me to stay away from his family although it was just me running into them at a store the night before that. Well he blew me out for speaking to them and devalued me by calling me names, all this via texts. The last thing that was said was me saying "I just want to hear you say that you never cared or loved me." He never replied and I haven't heard from him since. He's never gone this long without talking to me. It's usually the silent treatment for about 2-3 days at the most.

Jan 16 - 2PM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

Block him from everything

Block him from everything before he does get the chance to contact you,....which you know he will eventually. If you do this NOW...you will begin to be NC...which will bring you to begin healing....and it would be the best punishment for him!!!!!!!! YOU will now be in control instead of him!!!!! Do it!!!
Jan 16 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
Phoenix72
Phoenix72's picture

NC

Believe me when I say that I am trying to block him. I have made the attempts to block his number, I'm just not strong enough for that at this moment. But who's to say I won't wake up tomorrow and have that strength. I have not initiated contact with him since the break up 2 weeks ago. He's the one who initiated contact with me last Wednesday but the only responses he got from me were "hahahaha" or "k", except for the one asking him if he ever loved or cared about me which he never replied to. To be discarded like I was some piece of trash after everything that I did for him and tolerated from him, it's heartwrenching....karma....
Jan 16 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
janemarie
janemarie's picture

I just hope you realize that

I just hope you realize that any answer....even as little as "k" is attention...is supply for them...is food for their ego...do not feed the beast!!! My own exNarc told me during one of our break ups (there were 4 total)...that when I finally answered him after 116 texts in 4 hours..he said, "I know you still care because you answered me." My response to him was a nasty one and he still stated this quote... It doesnt matter what you say to them..they take it as a fix for themselves.... Think of everything he did to you...Do you think he deserves you to feed him...to give him attention...??? That is what not blocking and answering him is doing...It's also preventing you from moving forward!!! In time you will clearly see all of this...sometimes we have to experience the hurt and pain that staying in contact with them causes...I am guilty of it...but I hope you can open up your mind to our advise and stories so you can avoid the pain.... Im rootin for ya xoxo
Jan 16 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
Phoenix72
Phoenix72's picture

He's a twit!

First, my first XN that I went out with for 4 years prior to this twit was like that with the phone! He would call, text, call, text, call, leave vm's, all of them cussing me out. Well, after about the first months of that, I started ignoring him and I didn't care whether I was with him or not and he knew it! He was like a crackhead with that phone! He would literally call and leave a vm then turn around 1 minute later and call again. I got used to turning my phone off! This XN isn't like that with the phone though. Second, guess who just showed up at my house?!?! This twit shows up at my house to see MY dog! I had my regular door open cause I have a storm door. This clown comes bee bopping in here saying he wanted to see MY dog that he's psychotic about! I told him he had to leave or I was calling the cops. He said "I don't want you, I don't have any respect for you anymore" I just laughed at him. I picked up the phone to call the cops and he started to leave but not before telling me at least 10 times that he didn't want me anymore. Then he leaves and sends me a text saying that I should never have another conversation with his dad cause his dad said that I was just projecting last week when I was telling him to look up NPD for his son. Saying that I was just telling on myself. REALLY??? Now this is suposedly coming out of a man's mouth that has a wife who is a hoarder (OCD), one son who is schizo and another son who is an alcoholic and NPD...and I'm pretty sure that he has to have some mental disorder to allow all that chaos in his family. I never replied and I am going tomorrow to get a restraining order against this asslown! I know the game now and it's GAME OVER! That's how I finally got rid of the first XN, by getting a restraining order. I know the system well...
Jan 16 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
janemarie
janemarie's picture

But you see...if you had

But you see...if you had blocked him..you would have never been subjected to such words, critisism,.....Even if you dont respond it's hurting you...that is what blocking does, it prevents you from unnecessary hurt.. AND.....knowing that he is blocked will piss him off to no end!!!!!! That's what I love about it!!!! I dont know how it works where you live, but in Jersey you need proof or show a pattern of your proof in order to get a restraining order Best of luck to you!!! oh...and start locking your doors :)
Jan 16 - 1PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Phoenix, this is the discard...

...I think you know that. You will NEVER get what you ask from him. It matters not what your last request to him was. You won't get it. You must let it go. I see you are new to the forum and we welcome you, though I am so sorry you had to land here. If you consume your time and energy wondering why he's not contacting you, you will discover it is a waste of time and energy. These disordered ones do not think like we do; they are not wired the same to trying to make sense of their behavior is futile. Better use of that time and energy is reading here so you fully understand and comprehend what you are dealing with. The more you know, the less you'll want any interaction with this person. No contact is the only way to clarity and strength; to healing on The Path Forward. Please look at this as your No Contact and not his "ostracizing" or whatever. If you're done with being treated poorly and all that comes with it, be DONE and go No Contact from this moment forward. I would also examine and fully question yourself as to why you think hearing him say he never loved or cared for you will somehow make you feel better. I believe you already have all the answers in that regard. Don't give him this kind of power. He doesn't deserve it and it is misplaced. Now is the time to work on processing and accepting what YOU KNOW. F'him! I repeat, he will NEVER give you what you ask for. When you tell a PD what you need or want, it is a guarantee that you will get the exact opposite. Phoenix, step off the rollercoaster. Turn the tables. It's your turn for silence now. No Contact. NC=F'you. Forget about whatever his motivations are and focus on whatever it is you need to do to regain your power and feel better about yourself. Most sincerely, (fighting to not be) spinning. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND SELF-DOUBT

spinning

Jan 16 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
abreva
abreva's picture

I love your mantra!

"I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND SELF-DOUBT" that's going on a sticky note on my mirror - right now!
Jan 16 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
Phoenix72
Phoenix72's picture

Agree

Yea, I agree that this is my discard. I'm sure the reason he hasn't contacted me is because he is either chasing or has acquired new supply. N's love and live off of attention and if he's not getting it from me or chasing after me for it, then he's getting it from somewhere. Anywho, I am slowly processing through all of this. I still feel this big emptiness inside of me that he has left. I'm just trying to mentally prepare myself for IF he attempts to contact me.
Jan 16 - 1PM
TNR1
TNR1's picture

"I just want to hear you say

"I just want to hear you say that you never cared or loved me." He's not going to do that for you...that would give you closure and not keep you spinning and he's not about to do anything for you because it's all about him. He's never gone this long without talking to me. It's usually the silent treatment for about 2-3 days at the most. Right...and again, it has nothing to do with you. He may be chasing after new supply or he may be punishing you but in either event, it is a clear sign that he doesn't care about you (so there is your answer..but not actually in words). Welcome to the boards...might I suggest you block him from your phone..that way, if he does try to contact you...he gets an unpleasant surprise that you are no longer available for him to use anymore. NC=I don't need you.