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#1 Jan 14 - 5AM

bgirl

So my counsellor and psychologist have both come to the unsavory conclusion that:
1. He stalked and gathered information on my children and myself for about a year prior.
2. He befriended my children and earned their favor and respect to secure mine :(
3. He wanted to destroy their potential and sabotage their opportunities (they both received elite scholarships in their sport)
4. He was pathologically envious of our family unit...so he wanted it...then destroyed it.

Right when I left my marriage and had prepared my family (months and months of talking, hurt and despair) he told me I just wasn't enough.

Ultimate power rush.....ultimate control....maximum devastation.

Anyone wanna be the OW here?

I am still so disturbed...(6months out) how can someone do this?
More importantly. Why?

Just so sad :(

#2 Jan 14 - 2PM

abusednomore

hey

im sorry that u and your children hav had to go through this, its so horrible and ur post is exactly what my exnarc did to me and my daughter. i too am just over 6months since he left. he never had a big family and always said to me that he loved how i had a really big family unit, i get angry thinking about this but the month b4 he left (when he was obviously priming the OW) at my grandads funeral, he got stupidly drunk and was just staggering around saying "am i part of ur family now". All my family were laughing and saying yeh and he was saying about how he was going to marry me etc. They r truly jealous of anything that we have that they havent got and try to take it away from us. He did his job with me in that i cant bear to think about that day as i jus remember what he did, instead of me thinking about my grandad and grieving for him. He too was terribly jealous of my daughter and cut her down at every opportunity, and when he left i found birthday toys of hers stuffed up to the top of the garage, hidden away from her! Lets be grateful that our kids rnt subject to that anymore, yes we have painful memories about what they did to our kids, but we need to make sure they know they r loved now and hopefully they will forget about him! im having a low day today but reading these posts and responding is really helping me to remind of what an asshole he is! Read read on here, it really helps and we can never work them out properly, we hav to focus on our beautiful selves and not working out their actions. I did that for 5months before i found this site, and never understood why he did what he did! argh!xxxx

#3 Jan 14 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

bgirl

Abusednomore you are spot

Abusednomore you are spot on. He can't hurt my kids anymore! My son has suffered the worst. He is 13. He understands what has transpired. He had terrible anxiety and suicidal ideation. He trusted this man as his coach and mentor and then as a friend. We all go to counseling. It has helped so much. I pray he doesn't do it again.....that haunts me....

#4 Jan 14 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

abusednomore

i read ur comment further

i read ur comment further down, and it isnt fair, that they get away scot free with none of the responsibilty yet we r left to pick up the pieces and our children. my daughter is 6 and when i told her she just sat there crying and couldnt understand why "daddy didnt love mummy anymore". Its heartbreaking and the anger i felt then, i still feel now writing this! how dare they break our childrens hearts and be able to just walk away from it! At 13 im guessing it must be really hard on him, especially being a male role model that ur ex prob made himself out to be like god! sounds like u r doing the best thing with the counselling and even tho its hard, know that all of this will make us stronger and even tho we think they r gettin away scot free, they prob arent because they r living a lie. We r dealing with our emotions in a productive way, even tho it hurts like hell now, u and your kids will talk it through, grow and learn from this experience and be better people. I wish u and ur kids all the happiness in the world.xxxx

#5 Jan 14 - 12PM

janemarie

Why does someone molest or

Why does someone molest or rape an innocent child? Why does someone shoot and rob an innocent victim? Why does someone drink themselves to death? Because they are sick and disordered.....These damn Narcs are NO different!!!!! We should not take pity on them...we should not think that we can change them....they are who they are and we need to accept that....accept what happened to us...and accept the fact that we escaped them and should be greatful for it!!

#6 Jan 14 - 12PM

dabussard

wow

I am so sorry for your pain and devastation. They do it because it is all about the chase and the high that they get from breaking up a family... And then they just walk away... It is a game to them... They are sick... They have no empathy or compassion for anyone... I was almost where you are now... My ExN did the same thing.. He had bought a stock trailer off of my husband and I back in 2009. In 2010, when he had the chance to come into my life he did.. It started out wonderful, about 4 months in he wanted me to leave my husband.. I was definitely thinking about it.. I had gone to a lawyer to discuss getting a divorce started. My Ex N had made sure my husband found out about it and was trying to drive a wedge between my husband and I.. Thank god for his friends telling me to stay with my husband, for this forum for talking sense into me, for my therapist for listening and giving her advice for for my husband for not leaving me.. I almost lost my husband and the family farm... Which means the world to me... I know how much it hurts... Hang in there and stay strong!

#7 Jan 14 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

bgirl

You r right. They are

You r right. They are sick. Sick and dangerous because they keep leaving a trail of lies long after they've gone. We moved our children 400km away. I wonder if I should send him the bills for the move, loss of income and all the therapy for the entire family? They get off Scott free EVERYTIME! Not one hair out of place. :/

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