Saw him again.
Saw him again.
OMG!!! When does it stop!
Once again, I was waiting at a bustop and again he freaking drove by. I cant stand this sick shit that the universe is playing on me. I was on a street far away from both his house and mine. It was early in the morning and its like omg r u kidding me....??????
Here's the worst part. I know from experience that its better not to know about the ow's because it really sets you back. I never look at his fb page. I don't spy or prank call or do drive by's or hangup's. I actually avoid his area.
I really didn't want to know if he had someone else. I really really really really didn't want to know. Yet, there it was, right in my face, the universe being creul and giving me a sick picture of reality.He had a female in the passenger seat.
I paced for 5 minutes from bustop to bustop trying to decide whether or not to get on the bus to go to his house and kill him or just to go home. I dialed his number like 5 times from a payphone, he never answered. I just wanted to tell him off and call him a lier. He told me at last contact that he was alone and lonely and would not date any time soon.( which was a different tone from in the beginning with him saying he would never be with anyone else ever again if it didn't work with me). I was supposedly the first he ever loved and the last... omg nasty nasty evil dirty little creepy lier!!!!
When I got home I hyperventilated and bawled sort of half crying half gasping and compulsivly dialed his number repeatedly, about 15 times while pacing the house. He didn't answer but the phone was on. I dont know why i was calling, I just couldn't stop myself. I just wanted to tell him off.Finally i just collapsed to my bed in defeat and came here.
Now Im just sobbing like a looser, thinking how sick he is. A fucking schitzophrenic psychopath devalued and discarded me. This is just unbareable. The pain is bloody unbareable.
I feel so sick, F**** me. Why the f did i have to see that??? I just want to be over him and his mindfuck and the memories and the sickness of it all. Get me the hell away from this reality. Omg I hurt so much, I dont know if my mind is gonna make it.
All the trauma tapes and lies are replaying in my head now... talk about a freaking set back.
You will hate me for saying
Jeli, Its so true, the truth
Don't cry
Dee, I keep thinking, what
If you have a daily routine
Georgia, If he actually
I don't know your narc
Contact= pain Take his number
I know, I know I did, Omg, i
Ok so you screwed up..Pick
The group I'm going to to was