Today I woke up with an urge to contact you and to tell you off for the last time. Even though I have not seen you in over 5 months, no contact has been hard. For some narcissistic reason, you feel entitled to the money that I owe you but I think you should know by now that I am not going to pay you. Not because I don’t have it, but because I don’t want to. How many times I paid for dinners, whisky bottles, gas, tickets and delivery of items to your house where the only one enjoying them was you? The countless gifts (that you did not deserve) from the pathetic me trying to buy your love and therefore always hoping to have a relationship with you. Something that now I know would have never happened. When I ran to buy you that pair of sunglasses on Xmas Day of 2010, I feel so complete and happy and I got shit from you, then later on for my bday, you told me that you could not save me all the songs that you wanted to put on CDs for me. Really? Showed up empty handed for my bday? Well, we both know now why you did it, you were already either aligning your new and maybe current victim or you were already screwing her. Why you spent your bday and New Year’s Eve with me will always be a mystery. I am now assuming that she went to Ft. Lauderdale to spend it with her family since it was too early in the relationship for her to spend it with you.
Then all came up clearly. She was your girlfriend and I was the OW. Wow, it took me until April to realize that you were two timing both of us and went from cheating on me with her to cheating on her with me. I don’t even worry about the whys. Why she was adequate to be introduced to your parents? Why she is adequate to go and sit and have dinner with them? Why not me? Who gives a shit!! Knowing who you are and the kind of human being that they have raised, it really makes me wonder if I ever really wanted to meet them or spend time with them to start with. See, they are not that special. They are your No1 suppliers of Narc supply and you are nobody without them so you needed to get their approval, bringing home a plain Jane Doe, who was not a challenge for their minds. Somebody without baggage (I doubt it), someone younger (I get that), someone who would sit there and don’t speak (she only speaks English) and they don’t and who will fit more the type that your dearest Mommy wants for you!! I get it!! By choosing a new victim you did me a favor. I just did not know who much it was going to take me to get over that.
I took a huge beaten to my self-esteem, my self- love, my awareness, my compassion, my faith in humankind, my trust on people and on my own ability to read red flags early on in a relationship!! You gaslighted, lied to me, made yourself to look so important, smart, accomplished with all your trophies from were you were a champion swimmer, your taste in music, your taste in books (I’never seen you reading an effing book, by the way), your taste in food. You knew where to touch, you’ve dated someone from my country before, you knew what we like, you are an expert on reading people’s needs and adapting them to what you are going to do with them next.
How many times did I ask you to leave me alone, to go on with your life? I knew there was something wrong with you, I knew that you were not getting the best of me because I was under your charming spell and you always made me believe that I was inappropriate and inadequate but you still stuck around. NOOOO, I was sticking around, too long I may add because you are not only evil and odd, you are the most inadequate human being that I have ever met. You use people, you don’t love anybody. That term does not exist in your vocabulary and as long as you have a supplier for validation, you are hooked.
When I started seeing you for who you were, you knew you had to let go. I was already projecting your shit and you cannot have that. You hate criticism, even if it’s constructive so this person needs replacement. That is what you thought. In the meantime, I am still thinking and believing that that connection we have is so special and that I will never love anybody the way I loved you!! LOL!! What a sick twisted mind, I had.
Your new victim is totally unaware or she may start having her suspicions. She is smart, you pick us smart. You may have love bombed her differently because you added the introduction to your parents element early on in the relationship so she may have been hooked deeper than I was. Little does she know that up to August of 2010, you and I were still romantically involved and sometimes I would love to tell her that even though you started screwing her in December 2010, her anniversary should be sometime in August or September of 2011. That would be such a pleasurable moment but I know it is not my place. I am out of the picture so you would not have to worry about that. Still, sometimes I wonder if she already started being D & D. You dumped her over an email in June 2011. LOL, my anniversary gift. You showed to me how she begged you to talk to her and not do it over a text. What a bastard you are!! But still she took you back???? WOW!! You are good!!!
So here we go, you are no longer on my Facebook and that was a monumental thing to do. It’s been a week since then and I haven’t heard a word. Really, I am not sure what I was expecting. My assumption is that you are acting proud because you know I dumped you on FB but I know that you will try to throw another crumb by sending me an email requesting your money and trying to get me to tell you that I miss you, that I want to see you or whatever it is that you’d need to hear in that particular moment to stroke your ailing ego. No sir, not anymore!! That is why, I am telling you that I am not paying you so STOP writing me about the effin money!! I will consider it as a payment for the countless copayments to see my OB-GYN, every time that you made me sick or the countless hours of depression that I have been through, or the mental health appointment throughout 2011, the depression pills or the sleeping pills, the hours away from my child, the sadness in my mother’s voice when she was checking on me while you were screwing around, the worries of my friends, the hours that I was away from work because I could not move from my bed, etc.
So here, you mother fucker: IM NOT PAYING YOU A FUCKING DIME!! IN ANY CASE, YOU OWE ME LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!! YOU OWE ME BIG AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT I AM CONDONING YOUR DEBT. The next time that your twisted mind thinks about the money that I owe you, think about this message and cut your losses.
But hey, there is more!! I did not die. As a matter of fact, I turned the tables around and now I am doing great!! I am happy, I am shining, I am in the best shape of my life and the future is looking bright. So happy that you are no longer in it!! Good bye Mr. I-used-to-be-a-champion-swimmer-ten-years-ago-and-now-I-am-a-balding-fat-looser-with-no-friends-and-an-ever-growing-beer-belly-that-is-not-going-anywhere-because-I-am-also-a-raging-alcoholic.!!!!
ByeBye loser.. Love
That felt good!!
And you will!!