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#1 Nov 18 - 5PM
Sinead
Sinead's picture

Contact!

And there I was thinking I was strong and getting over this and would fight against this creature! All my talk of indifference and walk past him like he wasn't even there, my daughter did it better than me!

I turned a corner on a street and there he was walking towards me with expensive shopping bags, too late to cross over I froze! He walked right up to me puffing himself out and making himself look so powerful, then walked round me at the last minute. My daughter looked right through him and later mentioned it was her father lol. I on the other hand gave him very angry looks.

And people told me he looked ill and withered, last time I saw him he looked black. Well not this time, he looked healthy and full of himself, like he owned the universe!

It shook me up and I've been affected all day, yesterday and today, I thought I was strong but I'm not!

What I saw in him was shocking, it made me realise that he is only at the beginning of his career as a psychopath, I could see so much danger and evil in him and so much power, maybe I am acting paranoid, but I swear he looked like he was moving on to worse crimes than he ever committed with me!

Nov 18 - 6PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Dear Sinead

Now you are coming to realization of what and who they are, and that they are dangerous people. Have something pre-prepared in your mind, so if anything happens in the future, if you see him, he says hi, tell him FIRMLY AND EMPHASIZE "GET AWAY FROM ME OR I AM CALLING THE POLICE". They morph into all sorts of personalities and demeanors. Stay away from him at all costs!!
Nov 18 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

blech

next time you will be ready.... ignore and keep walking like he doesn't even exist. he didn't even stop to say hello to his own child! What a tool! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Nov 19 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
Sinead
Sinead's picture

I hope next time I'll be

I hope next time I'll be ready. I realised what it was a long time ago, it caused a lot of anger, hate and pain, I still have a lot of anger. I had prepared myself, I was adamant that I would ignore and be indifferent, he would not exist, but it shocked me and I froze! I feel pathetic, I thought I was strong and now I am back to moping and unable to concentrate on anything! All I can think about is the powerful look he had and what I had read just prior to that about psychopaths being at the beginning of their careers, how as they age they become far worse, I really could see that in him, it didn't frighten me, it angered me! Oh and he can't say hi to us, he has a restraining order on him and he is up in court for breaching it, he is afraid to breach it again (especially as we were under CCTV) as it's an instant 6 month custodial sentence. I just feel so pathetic, I spent a long time convincing myself I was strong and I'd knock him out if he ever did anything but if he didn't then I'd ignore like he wasn't there! And then I spot him once for a few seconds and I am returned to a pathetic lump that cannot concentrate on the most basic tasks! Is it really back to zero on healing? Do I start my 18month countdown again? Arrrggggghhhh! I have to see him in court too in January and March next year!
Nov 19 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Too Hard On Yourself

You're being too hard on yourself. The guy never even saw you for real. It was all about him. My N gave me those looks too. So busy projecting all their hate & venom, I don't think they notice us too much when they're in that mode. We can't be perfect all the time. So you were not so calm, cool, & collected as you would like. Big deal! You're a person who has feelings (unlike him). It was a traumatic experience seeing him again--feelings of helplessness & being out of control. Frankly, the thought of seeing my N strikes terror in my heart. Seeing him on the street like that would bother me too. Even an e-mail with his name on it can send my heart into my shoes. The guy's a jerk. Even if you were exactly the way you wanted to be running into him--he wouldn't have noticed. It's all about him. Forget him! It's all about you & your daughter.
Nov 19 - 11PM (Reply to #9)
Sinead
Sinead's picture

True

Thanks Agnesmurphy, I didn't look at it like that, I just allowed my fear of what the future might be like.....for him.....to get out of control, why should I care, hopefully he'll get caught one day in a far worse crime, and whilst I am busy thinking about him I am not thinking about myself and my daughter. You're right, it's about us as healthy individuals that matter, not those creatures.
Nov 19 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sinead

the freeze response is VERY common in PTSD. I still have it on occassion. And because I freeze people think I am either 1)ok with what they're doing/ saying or 2) don't care. It will get better. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
Nov 19 - 11PM (Reply to #8)
Sinead
Sinead's picture

PTSD

I know I have it and I know I have Chronic PTSD as it went on years and even when strong I struggle getting things done. I will concentrate on this freeze response, up til now he was of the impression I was a healthy strong woman and was afraid of it (was informed by a colleague of his who doesn't actually like him), now he has has his fix, next time it will be different!
Nov 19 - 11PM (Reply to #6)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Confrontation

Every encounter feels like a confrontation with the N. Guess what,,,that is not normal!!! or healthy!! Realize, he, I want to confront this N, he has impacted my life, he has caused harm and damage to my life and my family. They are evil that tries to adhere itself to you. I have news!! They are not attached to you as soon as you cut them off!! Cut them off!! Picture a prison convict, ugly, poor, evil, murderous. You know in your heart this person is not right. They are a threat, a real threat to society. You would not want to be involved with this person right? The pathological Narc is this person. The convict, looking at you, wanting to force himself on you and adhere to pry any sort of life out of you, not to be returned.
Nov 19 - 11PM (Reply to #7)
Sinead
Sinead's picture

Amazed

That's how I see him already lol, for a long time I haven't used his name when speaking about him, only the pronoun "it" or "animal". I cut him off but it is very hard to walk on the street and see him, sure I was on his side of town but I'd walked a fair way to avoid his street! Apparently he rarely ventures out of his abode these days, I guess it was meant to be, a wake up call to how I should react, maybe then when in court I can respond better.