Narc Broke His Pattern

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 22 - 1PM

hryan77

Narc Broke His Pattern

Left in April...last I communicated with him in any fashion was in May to say I would UPS the garage door opener to him. I've been no contact since then...heard from him a week after and then literally he has hoovered or contacted me in some fashion every 8 weeks since. He broke the pattern.
I heard from him last month telling me his mom's cancer returned...I did send her a card and a gift.
I got this email Monday:
"Happy very late birthday. Thanks for what you sent my mom. Happy GFY Day"

my birthday was the 8th...for those who don't know GFY is go fuck yourself....he did say that a bit.
This was only 5 or so weeks since his last contact...he was predictable...now well he switched it.
I know they tend to hoover more around holidays, hoping that won't be the case since Christmas is when I first started to find out about and confront him on lies...or one actually. He had started "cheating" right after I moved in.
Either way...he's gone from late night (1am or 2am) texts and emails every 8 weeks to an email at a normal hour in a shorter period of time...here's to hoping he isn't getting ballsy.

#2 Dec 22 - 4PM

hryan77

i highly doubt that...

last i spoke to her, she told me to continue to ignore him that he'd have to go away eventually...she told me to continue to be happy and move on and not let him interfere in my life, etc...she knows how to get a hold of me if she wants to thank me. I had posted on here about sending her a gift and card and was told i did the right thing...it is about her not him. nothing in my card reference him, and I sent all of it directly to her. when I left him she told me I was doing the right thing and my life would be better it, that he is volatile and I deserved someone that could love me the way that I love...that his children were destroyed by what happened and that I brought them the stability he didn't. I truly believe that the last thing she would want is him saying anything to me at all...I think that she was probably none to pleased to know he contacted me to tell me she has stage 4 terminal cancer.

#3 Dec 22 - 5PM (Reply to #19)

Goldie

Someone must have told him, so my guess is that he was

Reaching out sooner to you because you sent the gift. He knew you sent the gift because he thanked you for it. So I think this was the reason he changed his pattern. Someone must have told him you sent it, if it wasn't the Mother is must have been someone else. Whether she thinks he did you wrong, she or someone must have told him that you were a nice person for sending the gift and I believe this is why you contacted you sooner. God bless, Goldie

#4 Dec 22 - 6PM (Reply to #20)

hryan77

you may be right...

You really may be right...my first thought was he told me to gain sympathy...then i thought that he knew damn well I'd send her something. he knew I thought a lot of her. Actually his email informing me she was sick was along those lines and me mentioned she could use or prayer or he was sure she wouldn't mind hearing from me....honestly I thought he knew I'd say or send something and he was going to use it as a way to create strife or insecurities with his current victim. all I know is that he's a narc so whatever the reason it wasn't sincere.

#5 Dec 22 - 4PM

Goldie

He did not change the pattern; you did

You send his Mother a card and a gift. He may have contacted you simply to thank you at his Mother's urging. I am sure that he took this as a "put out the olive branch" gesture from you. God bless, Goldie

#6 Dec 22 - 2PM

jackguy

has he ever been formally diagnosed with anything

#7 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #15)

hryan77

diagnosis

Narcissism...yup mine actually had the diagnosis...i knew it at the start, but didn't believe it...I had known him since high school...blamed it on a swayed family assessment from his divorce...didn't read the full family report until I started therapy and my therapist suggested he was a narc...dug around and found the full family assessment...it scared the shit out of me...I sat there and sobbed

#8 Dec 22 - 4PM (Reply to #16)

jackguy

I only asked in case

there is any unusual behaviour from him that leaves you feeling threatened...didn't know if a diagnosis might make certain authorities listen more if you need to address any of his behaviour...but I understand as he's a policeman himself it's very complicated.

#9 Dec 22 - 2PM

Used

hyryan77

I feel you are reading to much into this... They hoover, text , email when they feel like it, and thats all their is to it..... HE took long enough if your birthday was the 8th.. How ROMANTIC GFY....THEY HAVE SUCH A WAY WITH WORDS..NOT

#10 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #8)

hryan77

I do over analyze

but mine isn't a garden variety narc (term someone on here used in reference to him) he is a total sociopath (he at one point told me if we ever had a child together the only way I'd ever leave him was if he was digging a hole in the back yard....and he's a COP)...his pattern to me showed his pathology...it was flat out weird. I could prepare myself each time...well it's been 8 weeks...get ready for a hoover... now...I'm gearing up to expect the unexpected. Hell I never figured he'd come to my house but shit that was his first hoover leaving random items of my furniture (that I had left behind because he changed the locks on me...)in my drive way. He's never gotten a reaction out of me...I'll never give him the satisfaction of uttering a word.

#11 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #9)

spinning

hyryan, I am glad you checked back

in, though I am sorry about what prompted you. You are not alone in the heightened STATE OF ALERT when it comes to COP FREAKS. The disordered cop I was involved with is/was exceedingly sneaky, diabolical and DETACHED from all emotion when he was/is crossed and/or done. I learned he was back in my area in mid-September and have been on high alert since. He does not know that I know he's here. Like you, he will not get a peep from me. It makes me nervous nonetheless. I do not blame you for being on high alert. I think it's good that you are aware. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. I REFUSE TO REGARDLESS OF WHAT COMES AT ME!

spinning

#12 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

hryan77

Spinning...

totally forgot that you can relate on the disordered cop front...they are a scary bunch. I swear they are attracted to the profession because of their disorder. I feel like I will have to be on high alert for a while...I am so thankful I kept a copy of his family assessment...it's there if I need a reminder...although his communication to me even though I've never wavered with NC is enough. I think the worst thing I still deal with is the shame of him having me fooled enough to where I questioned my judgement and watched myself turn into someone I no longer recognized!

#13 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #11)

spinning

Absolutely, hyryan, after all, they

do have to pass a psych test. I was confused by that. Later Freak Boy gloated at his success on the psych test, noting that it's not really that hard to fool someone if you're good. He also had a master's degree in psychology. Ugh. I was swayed by all that. I questioned my judgment too. I turned into someone I didn't recognize either. Then I became a zombie. The good news is hy, we're back! I am better than I have been in at least seven years and getting stronger and happier and more grateful each and every day. I hope the same for you. Stay vigilant and stay safe. No Contact all the way. Sincerely, (not) spinning. NO WAY. NEVER AGAIN

spinning

#14 Dec 22 - 4PM (Reply to #13)

Goldie

Its not difficult for PD's to pass Psych tests

This is why so many of them stay under the radar. The way they are is their stock and trade, their personalities are how they make their "emotional living" off of the backs of their prey so, yes they know what the appropriate answers are, they simple answer in one of their many false persona's and pass the test like a breeze. Psych tests are far more effective at determining mental disorders as oppossed to personality disorders. Often therapists have been conned depending on the extent that the PD acts out in front of them and the level of expertise which the clinician has. A sophisticated PD can easily pass a psych test. They do not show what we see to the rest of the world, they are usually as we knew them in the honeymoon phase otherwise. God bless, Goldie

#15 Dec 22 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

hryan77

I'm pretty much back

back, stronger, wiser...grateful for every drama free minute of my life, grateful I didn't marry him...grateful that I listened to logic in some regards even though he punished me and guilted me for doubting him. So in many ways I'm back and better than ever! :) Great to talk with you again!!!! Stay strong and yay for NC it's the one thing that makes me feel like I have some control!!

#16 Dec 22 - 2PM

Hunter

GFY... Right back at you..

GFY... Right back at you.. Silence = Fuck you.. Hunter

#17 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

Hope

OMG Hunter...

That's good.

#18 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

hryan77

7 months of silence

clearly hasn't communicated fuck you loud enough...he's an IDIOT and just making himself look nuttier than a fruitcake...how festive!

#19 Dec 22 - 2PM

Layla

It's a lot harder for him to get "ballsy"........

...if he is blocked in your email account and cell phone. love~ Layla

#20 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

hryan77

can't

can't block from my cell phone...t-mobile doesn't do that...and as I found out i'm under their thumb until June 2013...ARGH!

#21 Dec 22 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

Used

layla

WELL SAID!!!!!!

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