Run4it's Story
Run4it's Story
Names have changed, story the same.....
Some days I am STILL in shock that I ignored so many red flags........
Met my Narc in April of 2010 on a set-up date for lunch. I knew he was divorced from an old acquaintance in High School and was a little skeptical. I had spent 1 1/2 years NOT dating after being in a long term relationship of 8 years. I really thought I was ready again. He was polite and charming. Prayed over our lunch.. Sent me a sweet note after the date and asked me out again right away. We talked on the phone and had a lot in common. I asked around about him as I live in a small town and was told "he is controlling". I vowed to keep an eye on that as I had let the previous man run the show a little too much.
To cut to the chase....we dated, he didn't kiss me which I thought was odd. He eventually cried and complained about the ex mistreating him incessantly and also told strange stories about seeing dead people and the stress his divorce had on him. Red flag huh??? but I kept going....he told me what a good listener I was and how "normal" I seemed. Then the roller coaster ride started. Limited contact and dates. Week-nights only. Then a strange all night sexual experience like none I had ever encountered! I honestly felt sorry for him and just thought he had taken Viagra and was starved for attention or something. Duh.....then he totally disappeared.
And came back a few weeks later all nice and attentive. This went on for 2 months until he moved into a new house and had me over to celebrate only to have another woman show up with a house warming gift in a drop dead outfit. She was a local woman who I knew was in the process of a lengthy divorce from a prominent asshole and had a very bad reputation herself. The light went off and I left. He begged me to come back. He eventually fessed up that that they had been seeing one another for a year and that she was jerking him around and his THERAPIST advised him to date other women (ME). I dumped him.
3 weeks later......he calls apologizing and saying it is over with her and he is attending Co Dependency classes and would I go with him. OH MY GOD, I said yes. Where was my freaking self=esteem and intuition???? In the crapper obviously.
From there, we went into dating again and everything seemed just rosy, if you call this rosy......1. He would only stay at his place because he had to have a totally dark room with a fan blowing on his face. 2. He liked to control what we ate as he was an elite athlete. 3. He had to go to sleep at 8:30 every night. 4. His training came before everything else. 5. He took valium and other medication to sleep every night. 6. He put the pillow cases in the freezer before bedtime 7. Sex was on his timeline and often had to be crazy and for hours on end. I rarely felt as if he was behaving in a loving manner. 8. We had to leave parties early every time 9. He had NO relationship with his 15 & 19 yr old daughters. They seemed to hate him ( I tried to help him understand and work toward a relationship with them) 10. He only had 1 male friend and several female friends he lunched with and talked with. Even they seemed to wax and wane. 11. We had to listen to his music and he was obsessed with watching certain movies and even scenes from movies (End of the Affair for one.....) 12. Read me poetry he wrote only to find later that it was poetry written about the whore with the house warming gift. 13. Was obsessed with his body 14. Walked around naked at the pool at his house and wanted me to do the same with him. I'm no prude but it just seemed a little off to do it everytime we were out there. It all makes sense now, of course.
This went on with me somehow thinking I was in love with a great Christian, misunderstood guy UNTIL ......1. He started withholding sex regularly 2. Cut back on the overnight visits. 3. Began training and running with a woman I was concerned about, even though she was married to his "friend". 4. He said things that I felt were just mean about his ex AND his own daughters (Called them fat faced, selfish) 5. He blew up when he had my very normal, sweet son and his fiancee over for dinner because I brought extra food to help him out. Accused me of trying to make him look like he didn't know how to cook enough. WOW!! 6. Began keeping his cell with him even in the bathroom. And on and on and on.......
I started asking for explanations. He started staging events at the gym so that I would be there when he would show up with the OW to work out, get in the lane with me just to tweak her. It was sick. I even found her crying in the bathroom after the swim one day and finally confronted her. Her response: "I am going through family issues and he and I have become VERY close friends. He has to decide if he loves you or not." I freaked on her and then on him. He insisted that he had no idea what she was talking about and proceeded to cry crocodile tears about the ex and his daughters. Just WOW!!
There were signs all over the place and I was falling apart emotionally. He gave me just enough to keep me hanging on while he was shagging around with the OW . I finally just broke it off and went NC. The OW divorced her husband (his friend) within 3 weeks and they have been together since. This was her 3rd marriage and divorce and she is 42 with 2 children by 2 different fathers - actually a perfect target for his source. He has since had the nerve to mail me 2 Bible Study guides that we used together. What a creep.
It has been 3 1/2 months NC except for a scathing email I sent after the Bible Study was sent.....Oh yeah, after that , he sent me a box with 1. My book. 2. My dish towel. 3. My plastic container. 4. 2 Clothes hangers. YES, I said 2 CLOTHES HANGERS !!!! LOL LOL I did actually get a good laugh out of that. I guess my hangers brought back too many bad memories.. LOL LOL LOL Or maybe he was just showing me that he was ridding himself of every last bit of me. Can I say WEIRDO???
I have good days and bad days. I am seeing a therapist because in all my 52 years, I have never felt so brain &^%$#@ . I have questioned my sanity for accepting that crappy behavior. I feel abused by the way he treated me sexually with no true emotion or love. I feel stupid for believing the lies. I am angry at him and the OW and want them to suffer.
He told me over and over that I was exactly everything he had always wanted and that he didn't regret a moment of our relationship, all while fing around with the OW. He also told me that he felt like Dr Jekyl and Mr. Hyde at times. I should have LISTENED.
He is a liar, a cheat, a coward, an empty shell of a man and I am infinitely better off without him. I know all of this at the core of my being but it is still a struggle day to day. Each day is better and some days I "relapse" and feel frantic to know what he is doing or obsess about the 2 of them together.
This website and the discover that NPD exists and fits him to a point, helps me to feel less insane. I'm actually a pretty normal gal and have learned a big lesson here that I hope to never have to repeat with God's help and the help of the wonderful people here. Thank you for listening. I look forward to healing.
Run4it...it's amazing how these N's are so similar
ACgirl
And one more thing...
I love having my story here
Bible Studies?
Pillow cases....
Run4it
Thanks Gravity!
With that said
More venting lists....
Hi Run4it
They sound like twins
Hi Run4it
First I LOVE your nic name
Yes, he is a dick
Welcome to
LOL. "Same assclown different
Thank you for your support
Run4it
Goldie, I have read a lot of
"Goldie, I have read a lot of
Welcome to the forum. If I
Welcome
run4it.... run away from IT..