First thought when I wake up, in my head all day long, how do I stop? Seeing a therapist but it's new and I'm still just doing all the talking and not sure she's qualified to help me redirect my brain wiring to stop this nonsense. Want to stop reaching out, giving myself a pep talk every day about how I'm walking away and starting the "no contact" but every freaking day, there I go and reach out! Plus, and here's the kicker - I really am not sure if he is lying to me - he's admitted he's wifed differently, swears he has no resources to see another woman, called me from his hospital bed after 2 heart attacks every day - it's not like he can do that with multiple women...says he's sorry and he's horrible and maybe it's his destiny to always be alone - cannot deny that the other signs of narcissism are definitely there, the fact that I'm miserable would be evidence enough, but..really do not believe I'm being lied to by this person. Fantasize about having him tailed just to find out the truth. Even now, I'm looking at my phone as I type this, wondering why he won't text back- I'm afraid I'll falsely accuse him of some of these things I'm reading and lose someone who DOES love me and legitimately cannot be with me right now. Please don't judge me but he is married and says he is in foreclosure, etc., not sure if a narc would admit they failed when all they want to do is be a show off and be admired. What kind of therapist do I seek to get this addressed within my head effectively?
The brain, heart, and emotions are in conflict after the PD
This is known as cognative dissonance. Thinking and feeling different things at the same time. You were narced and your body and mind are trying to make sense out of what just hit you.
Generally the pain and the anger after a PD encounter are huge and the psyche is simply not equipped to deal with it all at once. If you let out all the rage and sorrow all at once you would most likely become a heap on the floor for days.
The obsessing is the brains way of keep the feelings at bay. As you work the Steps and begin to address your sadness and anger over often years of abuse, the obsessive thoughts begin to subside.
When you're in your head you are not feeling the feeling. In order to begin to work this out with a therapist or a coach here on the site, you can release these feelings as you feel comfortable because if the obsession become chronic it stops you from letting your pain and anger go and becomes an excuse to keep revisiting your pain.
Some people do not feel safe letting it go, they feel like they will go crazy if it all comes out at once and this is understandable, however the longer you avoid getting to the root pain and anger and the cause at why you keep wanting to go back, the obsession generally remains. I have seen people who are afraid of doing the work, remain in the obsessive stage for years and others who are able to trust the process have come out of this relatively soon.
As this process with your mind and body is taking place, journaling, reading, physical activity, getting it out and sharing your feelings with THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND, self nurturing and care, eating wholesome foods, getting enough sleep, all these things will help you to expedite your recovery.
God bless,
Goldie