Narc has moved on......

19 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 8 - 8AM

Sea

Narc has moved on......

He knows I am leaving and dont care.
I think he is truly done with me.

A man i nearly had a child with.
So sad that he has NPD and cant love me back.

This is the man I loved with my heart, my soul, my everything.
I just have to let him go but i really wanted so much to hold on to him.

He did not take my money or things. He did not beat me. He did take care of me with the best of his limited ability. He simply cannot love me. He is so damaged from his violent abusive childhood.

Many times I wished he is normal and can feel and give love.

Sumiko

#2 Dec 10 - 11AM

Journey

Sea, your thoughts echo mine.

Sea, your thoughts echo mine. I too wish it could have been real, but there was never a possibility of that because of his NPD. It is sad, but knowing the truth and accepting it is all we can do to stop wishing it wasn't so. ((hugs))

Journey on...

#3 Dec 8 - 12PM

greengirl91

Oh, been through that

Oh, been through that recently..they were never really "into" us in the first place, as you arleady know.. We gotta let them be what they are, and to be whatever they feel, do whatever they want to do. And we should pray for peace of our souls, for courage to find our own road..to shine! I don`t know honestly sometimes how can you do it, to what can you hold onto when everything around you can fall? A dream maybe? I still have to find answers to these questions. And reffering to your post, I know how it feels..it`s bad if he answers, bad if he doesn`t. Bad eitherway, in conclusion!

#4 Dec 8 - 9AM

Hunter

Well.. We are all in the same

Well.. We are all in the same boat.. It's time to move on.. We can't fix this .. It's broken beyond repair. It's just going to take time. Hunter

#5 Dec 8 - 10AM (Reply to #15)

Sea

Hunter - NPD is the most

Hunter - NPD is the most difficult to understand PD in the whole cluster B. Not all abusers are Narcs. Narc is very special breed. They inflict a very specific type of pain. A type that no one can understand unless they have experience before. They cannot be cured and remains lethal throughout their lives.

#6 Dec 8 - 10AM (Reply to #16)

Hunter

Oh I get it indeed.. So the

Oh I get it indeed.. So the only thing we can do is walk away.. Maybe I sound cold.. I guess I've just become numb to the problem.. I just stick to the facts.. The heart is beating but of course a piece will always have a big scare.. Look forward to your new journey!! Hunter

#7 Dec 8 - 9AM

uk lady

Sumiko

A therein lies the fairytale with the unhappy ending. Please, please try to put him out of your mind for your own sake as you will end up doing what I did. Wasting half my life on someone who ultimately could love nobody but himself. Go on your holiday and hopefully when you come back this will all be behind you before you start on your new adventure. I so know how difficult it is but you know it is for the best for YOU. Big hugs, Dee x

#8 Dec 8 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

Sea

Dee, i have to admit that i

Dee, i have to admit that i was indeed looking at his reaction to my leaving. I even imagined the "dont go marry me" words was from narc and not the new guy. I was not at peace since i decided to leave. Hope these are just ripple effect from my decision. I will be calm again. Why? Why am i holding onto a man 22 years older than me and never loved me? He's too old to even start a family with me. He never wanted marriage. Never even wanted anything long term.

#9 Dec 8 - 9AM (Reply to #11)

uk lady

Why indeed?

That was the question I was always asking myself but still could never break the addiction from him. The only thing I do know is that by going to therapy and understanding myself better was when the penny dropped. And I then knew I had to leave him behind. It had been a dead end street for years and I was holding onto the fantasy, fairytale and web that he spun - not consciously, and therein lay the problem. I perfectly understand how you feel about your move and hoping that the ex-n was the one who was contacting you. 4 months is still such a short time so obviously you are still in cd. When you get to your new location if you are still finding it hard to come to terms with not being with the ex then I strongly urge you to get some therapy (may be there, it won't be so frowned upon). I hope so. You will be calm but you have to be strong at the moment and I know you are doing your best. That's all we can do - we are only human. Dee x

#10 Dec 8 - 9AM (Reply to #12)

Sea

Dee u said it - we are

Dee u said it - we are humans. I am an emotional one, a v passionate person. Yes at the new place i want to explore therapy!!! I am dying to talk to a person face to face about my problems. But i dont want more CD and someone to reinforce narc's accusation that i am the crazy one! So the therapist must know her stuff. 1 more day to vacation. I am busy clearing my work. New guy yelping around like rabid dog, ex narc watching like an owl from afar (the eyes never blink) but no reaction.

#11 Dec 8 - 10AM (Reply to #13)

uk lady

Sumiko - you really are doing fine

You are defo going through the steps. I just feel that maybe you thought it would be quicker and easier than it has turned out to be. Like we all hoped. If you can joke about the two of them then you will be fine. Yes, you have to research a good therapist and recommendation is obviously the best way to find someone worthwhile. Have a fantastic vacation. Dee x

#12 Dec 8 - 9AM

Sparrow

Sea, we all wish that.

Sea, we all wish that. Unfortunately, that wish will never come true. He is what he is, and as sad as that is, you have to accept it. No differently than accepting the death of a loved one. There are many things in life that we don't want to do, don't want to face, but we have to in order to live as normal and productive of a life as possible. Also, on another note, you mentioned you were moving, that you requested a transfer last week. I am assuming this is in result to what you experienced with your narc. As much of a great idea it sounds to take advantage of an opportunity, and move far away, keep in mind, your troubles follow you, your changes are only geographical. HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS.........the advise for anyone that experiences something traumatic in their life, should wait at least a year before making any major decisions or changes in their lives. That advise was sound advise for me during my divorce and it is sound advice for anyone here on the forum that is experiencing what they are experiencing. Take your time........slow down a bit. You are bouncing off the walls, and rightfully so, but than throwing in such big decisions whilst experiencing this, is very concerning. Just my thoughts, wanted to share............

#13 Dec 8 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

Sea

Sparrow, i am between the

Sparrow, i am between the hard rock and deep blue sea. I had the same concern as well. What if i moved and missed him like crazy? In the end i choose to leap into the sea. Agree, home is in my heart. Now i live within his control. He can watch my every move from afar. Everything from the cases i am managing to my court dates. I still hear about him tho i dont wish to know. Move to a new geographic is a big unknown. I know. I will have to take some exams. I would have to adapt professionally at work and socially with my new friends. I would miss narc and maybe be abit lonely at first. But narc would be totally out of sight. I would really be 100% nc. I would be really busy looking for a new apartment, studying for my exams, get to know my new colleagues. Too busy and flat out to thinj of narc. Out of sight out of mind! I hope. So here i come! Leaping into the deep blue sea!

#14 Dec 8 - 9AM (Reply to #3)

Sparrow

I am excited for you, as long

I am excited for you, as long as you are making these changes for the right reasons, and I am afraid you may not be. I get the feeling, and correct me if I am wrong, that you are looking to "escape" and you believe by doing so, this will be your cure all to the narc. Out of sight, out of mind, it doesn't work that way unfortuantely........you will meet many on this forum who were involved with narcs long distance. Me, being one of them. With todays modern technology, you can speak to anyone, anywhere in the world, via telephone, text, computer........mine lived clear across the country in a different time zone. My girlfriends ex lived in Hong Kong, and she in the U.S. I'm just saying, LOOK before you LEAP.........it's a very big move and it's not the solution to your narc problem. Make the move because it benefits you, on a professional level, not because it seems like it will fix everything. Like I said, just my thoughts........

#15 Dec 8 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

Sea

Sparrow, thanks for sharing

Sparrow, thanks for sharing your feelings. My thots are along that line as well. I felt that i must do something about my situation. Actually not just escaping narc but also his minions, well meaning friends who just dont understand. A place where no one knows me gives me hope to rebuild a new life. Thats the lure. I am hoping to do something ( exams, new job, new everything) and away from narc's radar. Narc cant find me again so easily as well - new address new mobile new work email. I have throw him out of FB, Skype every online thing. He is as cold as a stone and looks to be so done with me. He wont put in that much effort to navigate to me again. He's lazy. I know him. Too much effort for an old former NS. I am thinking if i stay on i am 100% F in an old circuit. Move out its 50% chance it might be good:)

#16 Dec 8 - 9AM (Reply to #5)

Sparrow

Good luck Sea! My best to

Good luck Sea! My best to you, always!

#17 Dec 8 - 10AM (Reply to #6)

Sea

Thank u so much Sparrow!

Thank u so much Sparrow! Hugs!

#18 Dec 9 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

missym

I did have a child with my

I did have a child with my stbx narc, and 16 years of marriage. This does not stop him from pushing our divorce to occur as quick as he possibly can, nor already starting up a new relationship with another woman and her children. These guys...as my sister said today....are so empty that your head can't really wrap all the way around it. To grasp that he has not asked for one photo, momento, NOTHING that indicates any connection to me or our history is about as strange and painful of an indication of their lacking core as anything I've seen. And I've seen and witnessed IT ALL in our life together. And, as my sister reminds me this morning...it is exactly WHY you (Me) needs to move on to be able to receive the love, kindness, care and concern we deserve from someone who can actually GIVE it. I know how painful it is. Believe me. I still can't wrap my head around it even though I am the one who asked for the divorce and decided - finally - he would never change. However, we all want it to be different and the hard part is accepting it never will. As he moves forward as a "blank slate" to start over with no attachments to his history....we can get to a place of honoring our own lives enough to move forward toward a better, more loving and more deserving future. Hugs and best of luck.

#19 Dec 9 - 8PM (Reply to #8)

Sea

Dear missym, they are empty

Dear missym, they are empty empty empty!! Yes your sis is right u are right everyone here is! You had a child with him and 16 years. Hugs!!! It could have been me. Ex n refused to marry me or any woman ever. And his clinical diagnosis helps me move away. End of day our fate is the same - we have to struggle to detach from them. Hugs to u too! We can do it!!

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