Progress report!

23 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 30 - 7PM

empath

Progress report!

I just realized...it's been 10 months since I left him, 2 months of NC since the last time I broke NC (and that was the LAST time I will do that...contact = pain!) and 8 days since the last hoover from the N. I made it through my birthday and didn't cave, and his birthday is a few days away, and I won't cave then either.

It's amazing how much we really do "detox" from these awful relationshits and how different everything looks after some time out and NC.

I remember when I first found this site 6 months ago and what a dark, scary place I was in emotionally. I couldn't imagine ever getting past that pain and shock of realizing just what I was dealing with, how disordered he is, and how warped I had become from always accomodating his N behavior.

This forum has been such a blessing. I am so grateful to each and every one of you here who has been my strength and my support along this path.

I hope that all of the newbies here will trust that NC works, and that it truly is the only way out.

It gets better, it does. :-)

#2 Dec 1 - 9PM

Pride and Shame

Congratulations!

You did it! I'm doing it (13 months out)! We all are capable of it! The scary part for me was not knowing what NC would bring. It's as if you can't go back to being who you were because you've had such an intense experience. It changes you. That scariness and the unknowingness of what is in store for you next is huge fear all of itself. The darkest part of the journey. You really just have to trust. I trusted you and everyone here. It's becoming so obvious to me now, with time and peeling back each layer at a time. It's overwhelming at first, it truly does take time. I love love love what you said.... "We should never give another person the power to define us and our worth...what a recipe for disaster that is! I am so done with trying to be "worthy" of the N. What a colossal waste of my time that was, and boy did he ever have me brainwashed!" Congratulations! A celebration that you never would have known you'd be having - new self-awareness and genuine appreciation for what really matters in life.

#3 Dec 1 - 11PM (Reply to #22)

empath

Thanks prideandshame!

Yes, it comes down to trust that NC will work, and knowing deep down that the pain of being with them could never be greater than the pain of continuing to stay with them. So grateful for everyone in this forum for helping me find the courage to get out and stay out!

#4 Dec 1 - 12PM

mystwoman

Congratulations!!! You're

Congratulations!!! You're doing great. Yes, NC really works and it's the only way to recovery. Like you, I feel this forum has been such a blessing. It truly saved my life. Huge hugs to each and every one of you.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#5 Dec 1 - 11PM (Reply to #20)

empath

Thanks mystwoman!

Amen to that. :-)

#6 Dec 1 - 10AM

Sparrow

Congratulations! That is

Congratulations! That is wonderful news! You are keeping the faith and following NC! Way to go girl! Be proud! :)

#7 Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #18)

empath

Thanks Sparrow!

Love your posts. Thanks for the encouragement! :-)

#8 Dec 1 - 10AM

Deidre40

when was your birthday? happy

when was your birthday? happy birthday :=) excellent to read this!!! it's amazing, indeed. NC does bring healing and clarity. and power. ;)

#9 Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #16)

empath

Thanks Deidre!

My birthday was in October...will "overcelebrate" it next year. :-) Thank you for your encouragement and for your funny posts. :-)

#10 Dec 1 - 9AM

Used

empath

WELL DONE ON 2MNTHS NC AND 10MNTHS OF LEAVING HIM... GOOD ON YOU.XXX

#11 Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #14)

empath

Thanks Used!

"Good on us" all! :-)

#12 Dec 1 - 10AM

dazedandcnonfused

I am so happy to read your

I am so happy to read your progress. I think you and I started on this site about the same time. I was of the worst offenders with establishing NC. It does work though. Exactly right contact=pain!!!

#13 Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #12)

empath

Thanks Dazedandconfused!

I found my way here in May. Wish I'd found this forum a lot sooner! NC is the only way out...you and I have learned that the hard way, yet at least we finally learned it! Thanks for your encouragement. :-)

#14 Nov 30 - 9PM

Sea

Dear Empath! Well Done!! You

Dear Empath! Well Done!! You have been a great inspiration here. I love reading your posts. So much insight and alot for me to learn. As we progress with NC, it does gets easier to resist replying/responding to them. I ignored ex narcky's birthday when I was just barely 2+ weeks into NC. It was excruciating pain! But I did it! I think that was major Narc injury to him. He revenged on me on the 2x i briefly broke contact. And ever since non stop trying to devalue me. His "hoover" (if you would call that hoover) is to keep replaying the D&D on me! He cannot bring himself to start from idealising me to reel me in anymore. His hate comes out in vengence. So all he could do is to keep doing D&D via minions, work (until i cut him off by off loading all the cases that deal with him) etc. He just cannot help it! He has to keep D&D me! Whatever, do what he likes. He is alone now on the narc stage. I am no longer there. I might occassionally be the unwilling audience thats all.

#15 Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #10)

empath

Thank you Sumiko!

I enjoy and learn from your posts here too....you're so feisty! :-) Thanks for your kind words and yes NC does get easier as we go...thank God!

#16 Nov 30 - 8PM

nancyh

Empath, what an inspiring

Empath, what an inspiring post! Congrats to you! Nan

Nan

#17 Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

empath

Thanks Nancy!

Congratulations to all of us! It gets better, it really does. :-)

#18 Nov 30 - 7PM

onwithmylife

Empath

YOU are bright, sharp, witty, congrats, it is HIS loss, only he will never know it..............

#19 Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

empath

Thanks onwithmylife!

Your post nearly made me cry...not in a bad way and not because of the N. It's because all of us here are so many good things...and because the N didn't value these things in us, we didn't value these things in ourselves. We are all "more than good enough" although for the N, none of us would ever have been "good enough" We should never give another person the power to define us and our worth...what a recipe for disaster that is! I am so done with trying to be "worthy" of the N. What a colossal waste of my time that was, and boy did he ever have me brainwashed! No more. NC has opened my eyes and brought me back to myself. Thanks for your kind words and support. :-)

#20 Nov 30 - 7PM

needing2know

Very proud of you, I will get

Very proud of you, I will get there too, yes this forum is a blessing for sure! I had so many unanswered questions and they all got answers, now if I could just get rid of seeming to always sence how he feels (did this all the time before even seing him or talking to him knew what his moods were) I would be doing alot better, it won't leave me alone and it makes ne crazy!!!! I have always been able to tell when something bad was ganna happen before it does, can't seem to shut it off! I am 4 months out now and I only did it because of the back up I get from all of you! without you all I would have ran back like I always did! I am off my blood pressure meds now , when he was around my blood pressure was holding at 230/130 yeah it was bad, now the last 3 months it is back to normal on it's own! Amazing what wonderful things go on when the toxic is gone! Congrats Empath I think your awesome!

#21 Dec 1 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

empath

Thanks needing2know!

Congratulations to both of us and yes, thank God for the blessing of finding our way to this forum and for all the strength we lend each other! I really adore your profile pic, btw. :-)

#22 Nov 30 - 7PM

Hunter

Raise your glass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIyHpWmna9U Ok You get a one too!! Raise your glass.. Ultimate Cool..

#23 Dec 1 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

empath

Thank you Hunter!

Thank you so very much for your devotion to this forum and your passionate commitment to helping us all pull our heads out of our arses until we see the light of day again. :-) It has been your advice that has stuck with me the most...."delete delete delete" and "contact = pain"...quick mantras to rely upon for every N-related situation. Thank you for your straightforward, no nonsense advice! You are awesome! :-)

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