fb password

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#1 Nov 30 - 10AM
peaches
peaches's picture

fb password

I know his fb password. I initially logged on to find some truths, which I did and those truths helped me break away and begin NC and recovery. However, my NC was not complete since I continued to log on and learn about other women. After reading here, I understand that I haven't actually been NC. My NC was busted completely when I logged on and began chatting with a female friend of his, something I hadn't engaged in before to any extent. She told me she was sitting beside him (while I'm logged onto his fb chatting with her under his identity). She asked me why I was logged onto his fb. So, now I'm spinning about all the ow stuff. What is there relationship? Will he burn her too? Is she getting the honeymoon phase? She told me it was time I begin to let go. Yeh, no kidding. Why can't I? I am obsessing. I see my therapist today.
I want to destroy his fb, but I can't figure out how. I changed his password so only I would have access. If I hadn't done that he would no doubt change it now, but since he can't log on the passoword won't get changed. I am so ashamed of my behavior. What should I do about fb? Apparently, I can't stay off it although this new development is a deterrent. I am ruining my nc and recovery with this situation.

Nov 30 - 6PM
peaches
peaches's picture

Thank-you all for your

Thank-you all for your comments and suggestions. I am glad I posted about this situation. Your feedback was really helpful. Passwords are reset to his orignal and I am going to stay off of fb. Although the random copy paste from word doc. is a back up plan. He is real mad. He sent me several nasty texts before I blocked his number-who do I think I am, what I did was wrong on so many levels, if he ever F##### sees me again it will be too f****** soon. I didn't text back. If I would have texted back I would have said, "I'm the love of your life always will be, but now I know that was a lie too. I'm the woman you begged to marry you and you should know about things that are wrong on so many level. Since you do them all the time." Strangly, we passed each other on the road. No surprise this time he didn't break his arm waving at me. So, looks like I am set up for nc for real now. One day at a time I'm staying off fb. My therapist says he hears about fb relationship problems all the time. He wasn't nearly as helpful as you ladies. Thanks so much. Moving right along...
Nov 30 - 7PM (Reply to #22)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Good Job Correcting the

Good Job Correcting the problem..He's a Turd… Flush Hunter
Nov 30 - 2PM
greengirl91
greengirl91's picture

I have major FB snooping

I have major FB snooping issues, and "just a small check up on him, won`t do much damage", but it does!! In the end, I feel like a junkie, using a little speed instead of heroin, but guess what? A speedball today, one tomorrow, and you get the `high` again. In the end, whaever he says, does, the conclusion is the same, no changing..he is a Narcisist. Period. No matter how much I try to change the script in my head. I can tell you a method that worked for me, for two weeks and could have been even more. I typed endless letters and numbers without any connection between them, in a Word document. As a password. Then, I logged into my account, and copy-pasted the weird new password. Then closed the Word document, withut saving it. There you are, extreme option for addicts, at least, it worked for a while for me, it`s like deactivating your profile, but only for yourself. Then, I had periods when I got very mad, like, look I have to leave even FB because of this guy. But the truth is, if I leave it, I`m doing it for MY OWN SAKE. There are so many triggers, ow`s, Narc friends, songs, rollercasters, dramas..all a mess. I kept it for events, and for few good honorable people, that I had among friends. But I don`t know. Sometimes, NC means exactly that..if you feel you go there, subcounsciously to find out clues, drama about his moves, ow, it only causes you Pain. NC is for us..to have a chance to a better life. I understand how hard it is to completely let go, I still experience withdrawal symptoms, just like kicking off a drug. But it`s for our best. NC lets us see them for their actions, not for their words. One question I put myself when I`m temped to break NC, is "Did he caught you when you fall? Will he catch you ever, when you fall?"..NO, always no, in spite of everything sweet they might promise.
Nov 30 - 1PM
Used
Used's picture

afterthought

peaches....I bet he knew you had his f/b password, and what you would be doing...it was you speaking to her and him beign there that is GOOD...cos, YOU CAN NO LONGER DO IT.... no longer can you torture yourself AND NO LONGER CAN HE SET YOU UP...
Nov 30 - 1PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Peach, you will need to

Peach, you will need to change the password BACK to what it was. That is his personal facebook page, and you have violated his privacy. I understand why you did it, why you wanted to do it......but it does not make it right. I am surprised he hasn't reported you to facebook and had you suspended. Believe me, it happens. Change it back, walk away, never to look at it again. Temptations are hard to resist. But, you are not helping yourself by doing these things, not at all. Stay strong Peach, and know that you are better than all of that, and you are better than him. Speak to your therapist about this as well. He/she may be able to give you exercises that you will find useful in avoiding temptation. Good luck!
Nov 30 - 1PM (Reply to #18)
Hermes
Hermes's picture

What Sparrow says

Absolutely! NC = progress And maybe no bad thing ifyou never have a FB account. Hermes
Nov 30 - 12PM
lillymarch
lillymarch's picture

I agree with everyone that

I agree with everyone that you can't be so hard on yourself. And I agree with Hunter, who says it the best, Contact = Pain. I finally had to stop snooping when he found out I was doing it. I would check his email hourly. It was sick and an obsession. I have NEVER been like that in my life. It's so hard to be lied to, to be abandoned. Once he foound out, the obsessive snooping was over. And I'm so thankful he found out! It's was stopped me. And what a relief. So, now that he knows, he will change everything and you will have to stop. It's almost like we want them to find out so that we have to stop. Anyway, here's your chance to just do it! Start NC! You will feel a relief and such freedom!
Nov 30 - 11AM
gratefuljen
gratefuljen's picture

Don't be too hard on yourself, if you truly want to heal you

WILL FOLLOW THE SIMPLE DIRECTIONS. NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT. I should know. When I first found this site, I thought if I did not talk with him that was no contact. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. NO CONTACT MEANS NONE. NO TEXTS, NO FB, NO NOTHING. When you get tired of the pain, you will try what is suggested. I got tired of it. So, I followed the steps and they work. Start to love yourself, and go NO CONTACT, your worth it. Love Jen
Nov 30 - 11AM
spinning
spinning's picture

peach, consider this incident

a gift. It needed to happen to make you STOP this irrational behavior. You know it's not healthy to sign onto someone else's FB account and chat as if you are him. You have been exposed and cannot risk doing that again for what it could bring into your life. It has already brought nothing good into your life, so the lesson is to stop it. This is your opportunity to go NC for good. Exit from the drama. You are out. Done. You know everything you need to know about this guy and the situation, so now you can work on doing what you have to do to process it and move on. It's NOT ABOUT HIM any more, Peaches. It's all about YOU and what you need to detach and stop having a hand in your own abuse. He abused you. You don't want to abuse yourself even more, right? And yes, you CAN stay off FB. One minute at a time. It is imperative for your mental health, not to mention the supply you just gave him...Think of it this way. He has robbed you for long enough. Why give him another inch of space (at least that he knows of)? If you really feel like doing FB snooping, divert your attention by coming here instead; or going for a walk and then telling yourself "If I still want to do it in the next ten minutes, then I can..." and wait the ten minutes and see what happens. You are in control here. No one is "forcing you" to FB snoop. You now know the pain and confusion it brought you so if you were to do it again, well, there's no denying that you are participating in causing your own pain. It cannot be blamed on him or anyone else. The burden rests with you. Peaches. You can go NC and you must if you ever want to move past this. NC means No facebook, no googling, no snooping. Pretend he is dead. He never really existed in the first place anyway. Once you are truly NC, you will see a shift in your thinking and in your focus and you will be so happy about it. I hope this helps and doesn't sound too harsh. You have the power here, Peaches. Use it. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. BECAUSE I'M TOTALLY NO CONTACT FOREVER!

spinning

Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #14)
peaches
peaches's picture

A hand in my own abuse. yup.

A hand in my own abuse. yup. I know I'm not healthy. I had a relapse. Gonna go see my therapist. Thanks for your input.
Nov 30 - 11AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

I'll say it again.. Honestly

I'll say it again.. Honestly .. You guys I'm getting tired of typing it.. Doing things like this makes you your own worst enemy..instead of snooping.. read here .. And read on the disorder.. Notice I put read!!! Also..because you did this. Now the OW believes his lies about you.. Please ,please learn for this mistake.. CONTACT = PAIN Hunter
Nov 30 - 10AM
Emma
Emma's picture

I see Facebook as a

I see Facebook as a relationship wrecker! I have my xN 's password, I was tempted to use it, but I already know what he's been up to, I don't need to snoop to validate it.. I have no interest in what he's done, with whom.. He only has to go to his email to change his password again, so he can change it, and if he does..let him get on with it..you're only hurting yourself when you snoop, it's not worth the pain x
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
peaches
peaches's picture

I so wish I had no interest

I so wish I had no interest in what he does with whom. As long as I'm confessing I'll say I have also changed his email password so that he couldn't change his fb password. I did that when info from ow was pouring in and he was still seeing me. I regret all of this so much. I am a really lowering myself to his level with my behavior and that has always been part of the problem. His email was full of dating and porn stuff. I do see that it only hurts me.
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
Used
Used's picture

peaches

WHATS DONE IS DONE....YOU KNOW THEY CAN REPORT YOU TO F/B AND THEY WILL CLOSE DOWN YOUR ACCOUNT......ITS DONE NOW..ITS HISTORY....PLEASE PLEASE MOVE ON...
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #10)
Emma
Emma's picture

Stupid man

The xN used to visit dating sites and porn sites when I was with him. He'd flick thru this phone quickly in the hope I didn't see his phone history, stupid man..he wasn't quick enough, I saw everything! When I asked him about the porn sites and dating sites, he denied it..when the truth was right there. In the end..it just made me want to get away even more!
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

You'll get there. Don't

You'll get there. Don't despair. It's a process.
Nov 30 - 10AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

never too late to go NC. you

never too late to go NC. you goofed. it's over and done with. your ego will recover. get up...and move on. no more facebook. no more contacing his new lovers. time to take care of you, ok? ((hugs)) you can do this. take one day at a time. say...to yourself...self, today, i will be nc. and when you get through today...worry about tomorrow. i found that was easier to take nc in bite size morsels... but be done with this fool. seriously.
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

and he is no longer hurting

and he is no longer hurting you. you are hurting yourself by doing all this. that bears reading and repeating over and over. for we are sometimes angry with them when we go nc. but truthfully? he is out of your life now. you hurt yourself when you want to keep him in it. ;) stay strong.
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
peaches
peaches's picture

I was very angry when I went

I was very angry when I went nc. I had just found out about all the lies. It hurts that the man I fell in love with doesn't exist. Thank-you for insight. Just for today I am actually and completely nc.
Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Yes. Just for today. And

Yes. Just for today. And then, when you're ready for another day, go NC again. I warn you though. Something amazing is going to happen to you, once you reach the one week mark. Then the two week mark. You, are going to LOVE BEING NC. LOL Seriously. You will LOVE not knowing what he's doing...and what other lives he is most likely ruining. You are going to love being NC. But, give it time. It's like a bitter pill...it sucks going down, but it will cure you.
Dec 1 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
peaches
peaches's picture

Just for today I was

Just for today I was completely nc. I did not get on his fb. It has been a long day! I keep reading here and keeping busy with some things I have let slide while using my time obsessing on fb or otherwise. I have thought about him so much today. I try to interupt any pleasant thoughts with the abusive crap. Letting go of that last connecion I had through fb is another loss I guess. I feel like I'm grieving. Letting go, moving right along (scratching and clawing all the way.)
Nov 30 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
walking_on_sunshine
walking_on_sunshine's picture

He can easily change it again

He can easily change it again no? If he claims he forgot his password, dont they just e mail to his e mail addy, a link to change it again? Your better not to know whats going on with him anyway... hurts less, makes it easier in the long run.