The Retreat

Hello everyone,

I wrote the following last night:

I am writing this as I sit in the airport in North Carolina awaiting my flight home. I am SOOOOOO happy I went to the retreat! First and foremost I have to express my appreciation for having Sandra Brown come into my life. I don’t care how corny that sounds, because I really do feel that way! What a wonderful and amazing lady!!! (Hilarious and funny too!). I’m gonna miss her! :0)

Okay ladies- the Retreat was certainly not easy! You do have to be ready to face reality….. face facts… deal with the pain and anger that may come up. It is a given that intense emotions will arise. Being there was equivalent to months of therapy to me. The group sessions were often 5 hours daily (with some little breaks in between), held in the comfy living room of a cute house/cabin in the mountains of North Carolina--- so serene. Only four other women were there with me. Oh ladies….. I wish you all were there to be able to learn and feel all that I did during my five days.

I’m not healed of course, however I am on my way and I can say that with some confidence now. Pathologicals (narcs, sociopaths, psychopaths) are even MORE screwed up than I thought… and I am supposed to have a background in this psychopathology stuff due to my educational background!! But ladies… they are even MORE screwed up than ANY DSM or text book can convey to you! We never stood a chance…. (I know I didn’t).

So….this retreat was not a ‘quick fix and now I am all better’ situation. NOPE not at all. However, I am no longer stuck. I am no longer spinning my wheels in confusion about my feelings. This is the beginning of my healing and I will finally acknowledge that, rather than do my typical "but it’s been 6 months, I should be over it routine.” It takes as long as it takes, because ‘pathologicals’ (them) DAMAGE ‘normals’ (us)… they simply do! I am still hurting… I mean just a few hours ago I cried as I spoke with Sandra. So, yes I am still hurting; no one can just take that away, bc healing is a process; HOWEVER I am no longer lost… no longer stuck… no longer without an arsenal of tools to help me with my pain… and no longer without hope.

I learned strategies to help me with my cognitive dissonance/intrusive thoughts. Those were two areas that were really messing with my brain and Sandra helped me in how to deal with it when they occur. Basically, this retreat lifted the fog. Yes, I am in a very difficult situation, Yes it is going to require lots of work and healing to be better; Yes I am in pain. However, I have a few tools and gained some level of acceptance of my situation (I won’t fight it anymore) that was given to me via the retreat.

I learned how women with our 'supertraits' (low harm avoidance, high empathy, high tolerance, high trust, high excitement seeking, extroverted, etc) tend to stick it out with nutjobs like our psychopaths/ narcs. I learned how I need to protect those supertraits. Those traits are really awesome… however not in the hands of a pathological… there will be inevitable harm to you- guaranteed!

I DO have to actually change a bit and not be so trusting, tolerant, and empathic. REALLY let a guy prove that he is worthy of that… otherwise, maintain some strong boundaries and if they demonstrate signs of psychopathy run the other way… no excuses from them…. Just GO! My tendency to bond really quickly also put me at risk… I have to use my awareness to protect myself, bc whether we like it or not ladies our world is LOADED with pathologies and they will bring inevitable harm to us…. They certainly can’t bring love and happiness now can they?

Sandra shared so much of herself and really listened to each of us individually and really helped to kick start me …. Got the momentum going again to move forward in my healing.
Oh ladies…if you are able to go, I strongly recommend you go to one of her retreats! I am so glad I did!!!! I'm so happy I met her and worked with her. You’ll love Sandra, she is such a wonderful wonderful lady. :-)

Love,
Jessika