1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. All About Him Forum
  5. ignoring red flags

ignoring red flags

7 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 26 - 9PM
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

ignoring red flags

First month we met
Cracked my nose, took stuff repeatedly out of the fridge when we barely new each other, said he would dog sit my dog when I was out of town and came back two days later to find shit everywhere..he forgot.

others things: he wrecked a car and when i said "Oh no you were in an accident" him: No I wasnt...I was getting ready to pull out and a car came out of nowhere, she was flying and I hit her (her fault). Me: Yeah you had an accident Him: no I didnt see her Me: thats why they call it an accident him: oh never mind

He dumped someone he just started dating a week earlier to hang out with me ( my bad)

Im sure there are a thousand more, it is all starting to be very clear to me. I am having flashbacks and thinking OHHHH now I get it.

Once when I was gonna leave..."you dont have nice boobs anyway". When pregnant and nursing, "I should be able to enjoy your boobs more often now that they are bigger". GROSS I was so disgusted with him. I was sexually abused as a kid and he knew it was my biggest trauma. He used to sleep rape me too. One night I woke up and after many times of pleading, yelling begging for him not to mess with me in my sleep I was just too rageful and I said if you ever touch me again in my sleep I will kill you. I had had enough. I didn't even know there was a name for it, I just know it was awful. I feel a little funny sharing it but someone else did and it helped me to see that it was damaging. I knew it was in my heart but he twisted it all up so that it was all about if I just didn't have issues there wouldn't be a problem.
He was able to abuse me because I was abused...What kind of shit is that?

Nov 26 - 9PM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

There are seriously too many

There are seriously too many to list, but here are a few of the most egregious which spring to mind: Early on in our relationship, I mentioned that healthy partnerships are based on compromise and he shot back, "No! There can never be any such thing as compromise! Ever!" Also early on, when we were having a conversation about our past relationships, I said something to the effect of, "Well, we've all made mistakes that we came to regret, mistakes which led to the end of our relationships." He replied, "Don't presume ANY of it was MY fault." After our first fight (over something ridiculously trivial), when he said that we were over and that he could never trust or feel safe with me again, I wrote him a long, beautiful letter, pouring out my heart to him, telling him all the ways I loved and cherished him. I said that he was a part of my soul and that I could not look at the world without seeing him as my everything, my reason for living. I closed by saying, "I love you, you beautiful, amazing, imperfect man." He snapped back, "Don't you DARE call me imperfect!" That was all he took from my letter. I could go on and on, but you get my drift.
Nov 26 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

Its funny but its not

I laugh out loud and yours but I'm sure at the time it was painful. Mine said...I just cant feel safe around you...I dont know how many times. Most recently after meeting a woman and sleeping with her (they were soul mates, it was really special) and unlike with me HE FELT SO SAFE with her, so much so that it was indescribable. AWWW if only I could accept him with all my heart like she did. I dont know what twisting myself into a pretzel for 14 years trying to make it work was but obviously it wasnt love to him.
Nov 26 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Reading it back, I have to

Reading it back, I have to laugh too. They really are pathetic creatures, aren't they? And what is it with this "I don't feel safe with you" crap? They all seem to have that in their repertoire!
Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"I'm scared of you"

The ex-Psych prof would ALWAYS say he was scared whenever I showed emotions-be they happy or sad (some Ns/Ps can only deal with happy, but bail when there's grief) He'd talk about how *I* made him uncomfortable, violated his personal boundaries, imposed myself on him... yeah, MAJOR projection! In the end, I put some effort into making him uncomfortable, and enjoyed it! The ex-P did the whole "I don't feel safe with you" then would go off on these wild conspiracy theories about what I was supposedly doing behind his back.
Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

Projection

Maybe they know they are not safe to be with?
Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Yes, THAT.....also, they are

Yes, THAT.....also, they are sabotaging the relationship from the very start by imagining it as "dangerous" and "harmful" to them. They're sowing the seeds of failure from the beginning because they repeat their failed relationships over and over again. They are doomed to repeat their disappointment with their mommies ad infinitum. They project all that onto US so they can eventually get out of it by saying, "Well, it was always HER fault that it didn't work out."