basic rights in a relationship

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#1 Nov 26 - 7PM

blueworld

basic rights in a relationship

The right to goodwill from the other

The right to emotional support

The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy

The right to have your own view, even if your mate has a different view

the right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real

The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you find offensive

The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business

The right to live free from accusations and blame

The right to live free from criticism and judgment

The right to encouragment

The right to live free of emotional and physical threat

The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage

The right to be called by no name that devalues you

The right to be respectfully asked rather then ordered

MY FEELINGS ARE RIGHT

I feel hurt, I am being hurt
I feel diminished , I am being diminished
I feel unvalidated, I am being unvalidated
I feel ignored, I am being ignored
I feel made fun of, I am being made fun of
I feel closed off, I am being closed off
I feel discounted, I am being discounted
I feel lied to, I am being lied to

#2 Nov 26 - 10PM

Sea

Thanks Blueworld. Yes those

Thanks Blueworld. Yes those are all the narcs do - cross those boundaries. I say YES to all in your post. We are normal people, we want a normal abuse-free life. Keep healing!

#3 Nov 26 - 10PM

dulcinea441

The right to be forgiven for

The right to be forgiven for being less-than-perfect at all times! The right to be flawed and human but still deserving of love.

#4 Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #8)

Susan32

Weird

I remember telling the ex-Psych after the final D&D that I was capable of forgiving him, that he made him mistakes. No wonder he never asked for forgiveness. Some Ns/Ps have the fake apology act down perfectly, so perfect it's convincing. But he didn't do that. He didn't want the right to be forgiven, since he deemed himself flawless. I remember telling him my love for him was unconditional, like that of a sister for a brother. That he didn't need to be perfect or an authority figure to be loved. I told him I cared for him-just like his parents cared for him, just like his sister cared for him. That he didn't need to earn my love. That he didn't even need to deserve it. I cared more about love than whether or not he was perfect. All I did was try to comfort him and he raged like a toddler who doesn't know what he wants, whether he wants to eat pureed prunes or watch Curious George.

#5 Nov 26 - 10PM (Reply to #9)

dulcinea441

Yep, just like when I told my

Yep, just like when I told my ex that I loved him BECAUSE of his imperfections. Oh, did he rage at that! The last thing he truly wanted was to be loved unconditionally -- that would have "lowered" him to the level of human!

#6 Nov 26 - 10PM

strivingforhealing (not verified)

Thank you Blueworld! Such wisdom!

I am going to post this on my wall- this is really powerful.. and I want to second what Winter says- you are doing so so well in your recovery. I really honor your courage to break free from this abuse!!

#7 Nov 26 - 9PM

a65703

So true. I felt like my

So true. I felt like my rights were stripped, I was a second class citizen with no voice or opinion, choice, respect, or acknowledgement that I had feelings. I was just a mere extension of my N Ex "glorious" self. And being in a relationship with a N is like starving - that's what keeps you there, I think - the idea that if you just hang on, you might get a breadcrumb every now and then. I feel like that happened to me. I was starving to death, hungry for the N's love. The N likes to keep on weak and dependent, giving us less and less as the relationship becomes longer and taking more and more. Now, I am beginning (JUST beginning and it is going to take me a some time) to realize and accept that the N didn't have love to give us or to "feed" us. It was just a hook or lure with no bait. I WAS fed his propaganda and lies which are the very poison they give us instead of nourishment and love that people with true feelings, a heart and soul are able to give. I tried to fight them.... but was deemed "being a little bitch" or "stupid', etc.

#8 Nov 26 - 7PM

blueworld

there are never excuses

there are never excuses to not have any of the above only excuses WE kept making and Kept allowing And the more I read about the basic rights we all have the more i want to vomit from what i endured for three years talk about eye opening truth slapping you and staring you in the face i put up with it i allowed it to continue me now i know it was easy to devalue me and break me apart because i didnt value myself

#9 Nov 26 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

Winter

Blueworld

You are doing an amazing work on your recovery! This post is awesome and very strong. Just be more gentle with yourself. It is not that easy to know where is the fine line between being kind, compromising, having soft skills AND letting yourself being devalued. You could potentially meet a good man who is a bit impulsive, emotionally closed or having some other shortcomings... We are all human, nobody is perfect. How do you know from the get go does it worst working on the relationship or no? Sometimes we need to compromise too. Even when it doesn't feel right. Otherwise people wouldn't be able to be together. All that to suggest you not taking all the blame on you. There is definetely a part of our responsabily, but only a part. There is also a part of a bad luck for ever met them. And finally, there is their part for playing and abusing us. We are not made of steel, you know.... Love Winter

#10 Nov 26 - 7PM

Emma

I feel like all of the

I feel like all of the above...hurt, dimished etc.. If he called me names, he was always 'teasing'... The worst of it was that he felt it necessary to do this infront of HIS family & friends..never said a word infront of mine. The lies were continuous. He swore on his daughters life once, even tho he KNEW and I knew he was lying. Scumbag. He was a compulsive liar. I was always ignored. His iPad or iPhone had more of his precious time than I did!! If I ever tried to speak to him, he wasn't interested, then wondered why I left him out things I wanted to do.

#11 Nov 26 - 7PM

freaked

Blueworld, Thanks a lot for

Blueworld, Thanks a lot for this...i read this post twice already.

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