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Back to therapy...

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#1 Nov 21 - 9PM
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

Back to therapy...

WTH he asks me out to do something and after all the shit he has done with no apologies...I feel bad ignoring or telling him no. I feel sorry for him WTF. Used to be (I realise now)that I didnt want to say no because I wanted him to not completly go away. Now I am ready for him to do so and wish he wouldnt ask me anything....I no longer have any interest. I am done. I see him for who he is.....and yet I still feel bad.

Nov 21 - 9PM
Victim-no-more
Victim-no-more's picture

I know what you mean. I know

I know what you mean. I know N is a worthless, uncaring, undeserving, predator, and he deserves the silence he is getting from me, but there are times when I feel I am being cold and "hurting his feelings". But this is what it is: we are normal empathetic people. We are not narcissists. We feel uncomfortable behaving this way because it is not the way we would treat a normal healthy person. If they were healthy we would be able to resolve the issues with them by discussing things like adults, get closure if necessary, and move on. But because they are sick, disordered, nonhumans, we have no other choice if we want to break free, other than cutting them off completely. They are like aliens from another planet. We can't treat them like they are human because they will only use it against us. Thus is a miserable place to be, and to accept. But someday we will have a chance with a nondisordered person and have a chance at healthy love,which we deserve. We just have to b willing to ride this out......I know how hard it is.
Nov 21 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
nomoredenial
nomoredenial's picture

Thank you

I know this is so true, we feel uncomfortable behaving this way because it is not the way we would treat a normal healthy person. If they were healthy we would be able to resolve the issues with them by discussing things like adults, get closure if necessary, and move on. We have kids together so I have to have some contact. He lives around the corner and works across the street from me. I have finally gotten to where I forget to look and see if his car is at work. ITs so nice. I cant believe how far I have come in such a short time, a month ago I was distraught thinking of him with someone else, now I wish she would call him so he would leave me alone. I just "get it" now how badly he treated me, I don't like hurting people but I know in the end it would be me hurt anyway.
Nov 21 - 11PM (Reply to #7)
Victim-no-more
Victim-no-more's picture

And when it really starrd

And when it really starrd messing with my mind.......that I am being mean or hurtful, I just remind myself of the times I would beg him just to talk to me and tell him my heart was breaking (during his five mo. Silent treatment)..........and he just ignored this. He didn't care about how hurt I felt......he had no remorse and would do it to me again if I let him. When I think about that, it usually takes away any sense of guilt I had started to feel. I will be so glad when this mf is out of my mind completely. They are LOSERS.
Nov 22 - 5AM (Reply to #8)
empath
empath's picture

VNM

Yes, remember the ST and the cruelty. ST is emotional and physical abuse...it activates the pain centers in the brain. ST is what the N did to hurt you...and NC us what you are doing to heal you. NC and ST are not the same, they may look the same however its all about intent and motivation. Your responsibility is to yourself and to your children...don't go giving the N too much credit for having "feelings"...the biggest mistake we make that gets us into this mess to begin with, is thinking that they think and feel as we normal, empathic people do. They don't, and you don't owe him anything.
Nov 21 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
bumblebee
bumblebee's picture

Victim - But someday we will

Victim - But someday we will have a chance with a nondisordered person and have a chance at healthy love,which we deserve. I can't wait for this chance!
Nov 21 - 9PM
blueworld
blueworld's picture

nomore denial

he injected you with a poison , you feeling bad is YOUR soul not wanting the same thing if roles were reverse. i have thought about this long and hard and i do realize more and more the pain hurt and sorrow isnt for them or about them its about us and our empathy. stay strong . we are all here to help eachother. he doesnt care, he just wants what he cant have and doesnt want it when he gets it remember this btw my N used to say this and it didnt click till now i always want what i cant have and when i get it i dont want it RED FLAG
Nov 21 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Blueworld....you are right on the spot

Short and Sweet said...Thanks...i needed that.

Aceonelady

Nov 21 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
blueworld
blueworld's picture

aceonelady

i have a online journal i started three years ago when i met N...let me tell you something it went from painful sorrow and wanting to talk to him..to me feeling like i was crazy and wanting to get away from him..to not understanding any of it...to GETTING it and im going on seven weeks NC and its getting easier! KNOWLEDGE IS POWER SILENCE IS DEAFENING