The last of my "FIRSTS"

When anyone deals with life changing situations, the lose of a spouse or a significant other, through divorce, break-up, or death, we go through the excruciating exercise of facing all of our "firsts" and it is really a very difficult thing to do.

We are faced with our "first" Thanksgiving without them, our "first" Christmas without them, our "first" birthday without them, our "first" everything, without them.

As I was gearing up for my LAST "first" yesterday, which was the one year anniversary of my divorce being final, I was not sure how I was going to handle it when anticipating it last week. And low and behold, I experienced my first "hoover" from my ex-husband. I did not see it coming but was able to detect mid-stroke while it was happening. (yes, he is a narc, no doubt about it, trust me, even I found myself doubting and questioning) He wanted me to take him back, he loves me, misses me, she wants him to marry her, he cant because he is still in love with me. Only to learn a day later that he is conflicted, confused, and wants me to wait for him to decide what he wants to do. Pay very close attention my friends, this is HOOVERING, the OW is going in for surgery today, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and in need of a double mastectomy, (which I was under the impression she already had) narcs "hoover" when they are faced with or have the feeling of abandonment. Which is of course what Mike is experiencing, the unknown and/or eventually, possible loss of the OW. Because of educating myself on the disorder, joining this forum, and growing with experience each day, I have armed myself with the tools needed to fend off such attempts. I nipped it in the bud immediately, told him we would never be again, wished him well always, told him I would include her in my prayers, and gave him my blessing to marry the OW. He and I would never have this conversation again, his response was an apology and scrambled eggs as it is called on the forum. I did not respond, nor will I ever again.

Yesterday, the last of my "FIRSTS". Today, a new beginning. One full of excitment for the future, with my past truly put behind me. Today is the beginning of all of my new "firsts", ones that I will create on my own. Never to be forced to put behind me ever again. I am good, I am whole, I am happy. I have all the answers that I needed and have found closure once and for all. NC won't even be a "challenge" at this point. I have arrived to the wonderful cross-roads in my life where all of my "firsts" can now stay where they belong, in the past...

Today is the "first" day of the rest of my life!

Stay strong my friends, we all will find our way to happiness. You earned it, and more importantly, deserve it. My best to you all and my deepest gratitude for you friendship, fellowship, and support.

Smiles