1.4 Years Later
1.4 Years Later
The last time I saw N was 1.4 years ago. The last time I spoke to him on the phone was 5 months ago and I sent one text about 2 months ago. That's it. He's gone for good...he's found a perfect woman and so it is.
This is what my recovery looks like. I still think of him daily but, continue to educate myself on NPD and mental illness. The article posted yesterday on Sexualized Rage shed a lot of light on what I was dealing with. I also continue to educate myself on things that relate to my stuff.
I realize that my same issues were there before meeting him and are there now. He was simply a detour that kept me from working on myself and, made my existing wounds much worse. I was basically on an 8 year drug binge.
I'm tired of thinking about him. The fog is lifting and I'm seeing the reality of what I experienced and sometimes, I feel like a total idiot. I was a prisoner of my own mind and lived in total denial for so many years. It's almost like it was safer to stay in that place than risk breaking free so I could move forward. The fear is about creating a new life, being alone and making changes, when in fact, I was alone the entire time.
I've made so many changes, without realizing it and the pain has diminished. Weekends and holidays are the worst. I have no interest in other men and I isolate way too much but, I feel safe. I know that time is precious and I so want to embark on path that brings peace, happiness, contentment and growth. I know that will come soon...so many wounds to heal...and they are healing.
Tresor
You describe it well;
tresor2
Keep doing the work.
tresor, this is outstanding...
spinning
Thank you, Spinning
Tresor
OnWithMyLife, I'm glad