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Full Circle

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#1 Nov 14 - 9PM
nancyh
nancyh's picture

Full Circle

I feel like I've come full circle. I'm traveling on business & find myself in the same state and city; at the same hotel; attending a similar work conference as I was two years ago when the N & I first met (in person) after we reconnected on FB after 20 something years of being childhood crushes. It's funny, I remember being so distracted the last time I was here b/c it was the honeymoon phase & he was texting & calling me nonstop and I could not concentrate & just wanted to get my work done so the N & I could spend time together.

It was so different today. We are not "together", it's been 3 months since we've spoken & you know what? I am GRATEFUL I am NC. Why? What a contrast; I am not distracted, checking for calls, texts & emails every two seconds. I am in the moment - I was fully engaged w/my work colleagues & networked like crazy & you know what is even better? I have barely thought about him.

I REFUSE to let my mind wander & reminisce about what was because that was not real. During that time it was not about love for him, he was manipulating me, spinning his web & setting his trap for me. It was not real to him & I now know I was conned & fell in love w/the N's mask.

It DOES get easier over time. I never thought that the pain would go away; that the hole in my heart & soul would heal, but it has gotten better & NC is one of the tools that will break the ties that bind us to the N.

I am grateful for Lisa Scott, this forum & the wonderful men & women who have provided so much support to me while I have been on my journey to recover from the devastating effects of the N. From the bottom of my (healed) heart I thank you.

Love,
Nan

Nov 22 - 11AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Gratitude will bring you were you want to be

Happy to hear this Nancy, you have been doing the work and now you are reeping the benefits. Thank you so much for sharing this, it brings much hope and inspiration to those who are still struggling. God bless, Goldie
Nov 15 - 1PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

Fantastic Nancy

Indifference is our goal and prize all rolled into one. Dee x
Nov 15 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Wahooooooo

Wahooooooo
Nov 15 - 8AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Nan, you rock!!

Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring post. You speak the truth here and it will help many people. You have come so far and I am so happy that a sister in strength and healing has come to realize that the hard, hard painful work does indeed pay off in most amazing ways. Love, (not) spinning. JUST GRINNING AT THIS GREAT REVELATION!

spinning

Nov 15 - 8AM
Footpath
Footpath's picture

Well said,Nan

"It was not real to him & I now know I was conned & fell in love w/the N's mask." This struck a cord for me and help me to remember not to only focus on my grieving the loss of my illusion of who I thought or wanted him to be. But the fact that I was not real to him! This allows me to move on easier with NC and my fantasies of what it could have been. I want reality and still struggle a bit with fear that someone normal won't find me. I'm reading self-compassion books and trying.... Thanks for your encouraging post!!
Nov 15 - 5AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Great to hear! You go girl!

Great to hear! You go girl!
Nov 15 - 12AM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

That is awesome Nan!!

Isn't it amazing how much more energy you have now,,that you are not constantly interrupted by the N/Psychopath trappings, lures, attempts to get you brainwashed, supplying him..I feel the exact same way. It is so refreshing not to have that burden anymore. Was in the honeymoon phase, thought I had met the man of my dreams,,yaadaa yaada,,,and it was all and act, all crap..it is great to now focus on true life, and true network, and achieving real progress in business and in life again.. Keep up the good work! Thanks for posting : )
Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #3)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

One more thing I learned today

It is not productive to tell "other" people or just casual people in our office/life about the N/P experience, they don't get it..we get it here, we have been through the experience, we have been effected by these types, and when we share here we can move on. So your experience was a great insight. Very important!
Nov 14 - 11PM
empath
empath's picture

congratulations nancy

So inspiring to read success stories here...we need more of them! Thank you for sharing. :-)