I'm such an IDIOT!

39 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 12 - 5PM

Anonymous (not verified)

I'm such an IDIOT!

So the guy who runs our local tournaments is having a practice at his house tonight. He had a problem with his van and needed someone's vehicle to haul one of the tables...as it so happens, I live 15 minutes from the venue where the tables are currently at...I offered to use my SUV to haul the thing to his house for him. He's been a good friend to me in the past, helping me move large furniture pieces after I moved out of asshole's house.

He posted on the f/b group to which ex asshole and I both belong...I responded there...ex asshole is blocked...so he doesn't know I'm posting unless someone mentions my name...which the tournament guy did. All of the sudden, I see a post from the tournament guy saying "franky will be coming"...I'm like "SHIT!"...I don't want to see HIM. My name gets mentioned in a post by a mutual friend and suddenly, the ex is now attending...I have no interest in running into him for any reason.

So I called the tournament guy and said I'd be happy to haul the thing since I offered, but that I wouldn't be coming in and have no interest in staying beyond that. Hopefully, stupid will have enough sense to stay out of my line of sight.

Can't believe I did this. Ugh!

#2 Nov 13 - 1PM

Syren66 (not verified)

I Am Bracing Myself

for the fallout today. I blocked the tournament guy from texting/emailing me on my cell...the rest, I didn't bother...if they contact me, I'll delete then block them. Should be a fun week of drama ahead! :-0

#3 Nov 13 - 6PM (Reply to #37)

Deidre40

Rest assure, there will be

Rest assure, there will be ''fallout.'' I really think I have no energy left to expend on these people. Not the narc. not his minions. You will get that way too, if you're not already there. Stay strong...we're here for you. :) you're doing awesome!

#4 Nov 13 - 6PM (Reply to #38)

Syren66 (not verified)

I think it would absolutely

I think it would absolutely hysTERICAL to now show up at a tournament, after I've D&D'd the fucking sorry lot of them...and say..."soooooo, who am I playing with tonight?" I'm evil like that though. I have to see these people at some point...on the tour more than likely...it's not as if I'm never going to see them again...but now that I no longer feel any obligation to spare a single one of their feelings...I can just be me and fuck 'em if they feel awkward...that's now THEIR problem.

#5 Nov 13 - 9AM

Deidre40

Syren--how are you?

Syren, just checking in. How did operation get-rid-of-narcs-friends go? :=) Hoping well! ((hugs)) You're doing great. Strength comes in spurts with healing, in my opinion. I wanted to be so strong immediately, but it comes in waves. Once you get these folks out of your life, for good, you'll breathe easier. And then you can rebuild a new life. :=)

#6 Nov 13 - 11AM (Reply to #35)

Syren66 (not verified)

Doing good! I almost got

Doing good! I almost got carried away last night; it actually felt great! I find my patience for drama and bullshit has become severely diminished during and post narc! Thanks for all the posts last night...helped a lot! :)

#7 Nov 12 - 11PM

Syren66 (not verified)

DeFriend Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s3JI_DWvWg I am chair dancing and hitting the report/block button on f/b getting rid of trash! We've ALL heard this song and it's AWESOME!!!! ya can't sit still..... Rollercoaster of Love I pretty much love the entire soundtrack from 'Boogie Nights'

#8 Nov 12 - 7PM

Deidre40

Oh, syren, I'm sorry.

Oh, syren, I'm sorry. :( Okay...you may not want to hear this, but my advice? You have to cut out all the people related to the narc and you. NO ONE IS WORTH HAVING AS A FRIEND, WHO WOULD ALSO BE FRIENDS WITH A HORRIBLE PERSON LIKE THE NARC. I'm sorry, but I believe this. Yeah, they may be good people in some respects, but really? What kind of person is 'friends' with a narc? The person brings your name up. Drama begins. I'm sorry, but these people love stirring the pot. They do. I can't see it any other way, with all I went through with the ex N and his groupies.

#9 Nov 12 - 7PM (Reply to #13)

Deidre40

one more thing... start

one more thing... start working on growing cold. ;) i wouldn't do any favors for people who associate with an asshole like your ex. sorry, because it is true what they say. water does seek its own level. so makes you wonder what kinds of people like 'hanging around' a narc. i suggest two categories...either they are narcs themselves, and water seeks its own level, OR they are wanna be narcs. seriously, my ex has a lot of those in his life. and good riddens, for i want nothing to do with 'friends' who want to be like him. learn to say no. and really consider dumping these 'friends' of both you and your ex's...from your life. you almost need to start A WHOLE NEW LIFE when departing from a narcissistic relationship, in my opinion.

#10 Nov 12 - 9PM (Reply to #31)

Syren66 (not verified)

Shouldn't be too hard for me

Shouldn't be too hard for me to do...since I was referred to as "cold" and "mean-blooded" by the xN many times throughout our fairy tale relationship.

#11 Nov 12 - 10PM (Reply to #32)

Deidre40

those are compliments if a

those are compliments if a narc gives them to you. hee hee :=P i AM cold now though. :=(

#12 Nov 12 - 8PM (Reply to #14)

Deidre40

and one final note on

and one final note on this... THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES WHEN IT COMES TO NARCS. The guy ''accidentally'' brought your name up? BS. He brought it up to see what the narc would do. And like clockwork...omg...the narc's gonna be in attendance. It's like their friends are tag team mates or something to their silly games. TRUST ME ...I LIVED THIS SYREN. ASK HUNTER. I LIVED THE NARC/FRIENDS THING, AND HAD TO DUMP THEM ...ALL! And still a girl I forgot I gave my home number to, had to weasel her way back in, telling me the ex was trying to text me. Not replying to her sent a message, I'm not interested. Normal people get the hint real quick when we go NC. Narcs...well. lol So, this isn't ...oops...sorry, i had no idea he'd be coming. The ex's friend said your name, knowing what would happen. Gosh, it sounds like water gate...but seriously, I lived this, and believe it with all my heart. They don't mean you well. ANYONE WHO IS FRIENDS WITH A NARC, IS NO FRIEND OF MINE. FOR WHAT KIND OF PERSON WISHES TO BE FRIENDS WITH A NARC? end of soapbox rant. :=P

#13 Nov 12 - 8PM (Reply to #15)

Syren66 (not verified)

I effin' HEART you Deidre! I

I effin' HEART you Deidre! I agree with everything you've said here...the tournament guy is a narc...total drama king...just like the ex. Yah, he needs to go..and tonight the slate is wiped clean of anything kind he ever did for me in the past...not only did he NOT call to say yea or nay to the offer of help (I left him a v.m.), as he said he would...I'm not even on the invitation list... I thought it was especially classy for him to announce to a group of 93 people on facebook (many of whom are from out of state) that one of the local players lost his job earlier this week...WHAT THE FUCK...I'm sure that made the dude who's jobless feel like a huge winner. I purged a lot of toxic people from my life post-split...I guess these are the stragglers I was unsure about...so here is a post I'm contemplating making tonight on Facebook...or should I even give them this much?: "Okay, I've seen enough. I have never asked anyone to become involved in my personal life and I'm not about to tolerate people who involve themselves without my direct solicitation to do so. From the outset, I decided to let people dictate their own fate in my world by and through their actions...and after many months of observing behavior of various people, it's time to cut ties with several of you. I wish you well and am stating now that I want no further contact with any of you. If you're not in my account tomorrow morning, you will know you are no longer in my life on any level. Lose my number, forget my name...do not approach me ever again...not even to say "hello". I will of course, return the courtesy." Let me know, Deidre, if I should even bother informing them. Would appreciate your input here! Thanks doll! :)

#14 Nov 12 - 8PM (Reply to #16)

Deidre40

First hugs...I remember all

First hugs...I remember all this. Different scenarios, same drama, though. :=( Second...DO NOT POST THAT. It's lovely sounding and all. lol But, truly? Just delete all the friends off your FB. no explanations. Change your number if you feel you need to. (this took a few months for me to finally do this, but well worth it) Block email addresses. And voila...peace will soon be yours for the taking. I PROMISE...I WOULDN'T STEER YOU WRONG ON THIS. I AM IN HEAVEN COMPARED TO THE HELL I WAS IN, WHEN THESE PEOPLE WERE 'RULING' MY LIFE WITH THEIR CONSTANT NAGGING AT ME ABOUT THE NARC. It's not cruel to go NC. It's for your own restoration of peace. It's strange, but when I first came to this site, people here said NC is way more than merely not talking to the narc. And they were right. I had to make MANY changes, and let me say, it was not comfortable at first. I missed some of those 'friends,' too...but, honestly? When I really thought of what they brought to my life? It was nothing, really, but drama and more pain. Every time I'd get stronger, one of the groupies would bring him up. ugh. So, no FB message. Dump that group. Dump them all. And they will wonder...they will gossip. THEY WILL. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THEY WILL SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT YOU...The narc might resurface and say...''why are you ignoring everyone?'' STAY NC. Over time, you won't care what they think. Silence is your friend. It's not cruelty, it's necessary at this point, for your healing. But, that's a nice message you composed. I say don't post it, because it only feeds into THEIR narcissistic drama. You don't need that. Less is more. ;) Keep us all posted!!

#15 Nov 12 - 9PM (Reply to #17)

Syren66 (not verified)

(not entering the post per

(not entering the post per your advice, which is sound as always!) De-friending in progress...............

#16 Nov 12 - 9PM (Reply to #20)

empath

unfriend them all and do it QUIETLY

You might want to just block them altogether, that way you have unfriended and kept them from having "control"...they wont be able tosend you messages or friend requests or even find your page in the search.

#17 Nov 12 - 9PM (Reply to #21)

Syren66 (not verified)

I will, Empath...I blocked

I will, Empath...I blocked the exN very quietly...will do the same with them. Thanks for the advice as always!

#18 Nov 12 - 9PM (Reply to #22)

Deidre40

I'm excited for you...your

I'm excited for you...your new life is about to begin. Again, it might feel awkward at first, but you'll be fine. I wanted to add here...YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT, BY THE WAY. You're human. It's very normal to want to send a message to people ...for closure. But, they don't get it. And what I've come to learn about all narcs, they LIKE when they make us mad. They like when we're upset and fretting and lashing out. So, do the opposite. ;) Go quietly...perfect. Your silence will bring you peace. People can't make heads or tails of someone's silence. Is she mad? Is she sad? Is she happy? Is she on a roller coaster right now having the time of her life with a hot guy? Is she riding a hot guy? :=P Let them think about it. And they will. Silence gives us our life back. And the control. And it also drives a narc crazy. AND HIS CRAZY ASS FRIENDS! GOOD LUCK TO YOU, SYREN. You're gonna do this, I sense determination in your posts. :=)

#19 Nov 12 - 9PM (Reply to #23)

Syren66 (not verified)

Well for the love of

Well for the love of Pete...the guy can't even show enough consideration to return a phone call and I'M SERIOUSLY thinking about being considerate of him by explaining why he's getting booted? I need to put the fkn narc pipe down and step sloooowly away. I have to throw them all out...and I do mean ALL of them...even the ones who have stayed out of the fray...if they have any ties to narc or his narc tournament guy friend, out they go. I'm bein' ruthless tonight. And yes, I am doing it from a place of anger...ask me if I gaf about their thoughts on that? LOL! :D

#20 Nov 12 - 10PM (Reply to #24)

Deidre40

do you gaf about their

do you gaf about their thoughts on that? lol ;) you know, this brings back memories...of all that for me. hunter, and many here can attest to my thread after thread about the narc's and my 'mutual friends.' i'd say breaking contact with THEM was harder than breaking contact with him. seriously. he used them to get to me. still did, up til recently. he probably realized it wasnt working, so he decided to reach out directly to me today. that said. when you break contact with these people, it will sting. and what was troublesome for me, was i kept obsessing over...'why do all these people like this asshole?' and then, as time went on...i'd hear dribs and drabs through the grapevine, that he was starting to fight with the groupies/minions.

#21 Nov 12 - 10PM (Reply to #25)

Syren66 (not verified)

In a way,

it is harder...because you feel like you're punishing them for his behavior...as if they're collateral damage...well, tonight, I saw what side of the line in the sand they are truly on...and he had nothing whatsoever to do with it. So good riddance. It's like I feel as if I'm some annoying in-law and since he has someone new, they want me out of the picture completely...their wish is being granted.

#22 Nov 12 - 10PM (Reply to #26)

Deidre40

Well, you'd be surprised.

Well, you'd be surprised. They might actually 'like' you and not really 'like' him all that much. But, what happens with 'friends' of narcs, is they keep hanging around him, stroking his ego, etc...so, he doesn't ever turn on them. I encourage you to think that way about them. Because many of them, have talked behind his back to me, calling him names, saying he's childish, has anger issues, is insecure, and on and on they used to go, shortly after I broke up with him. Then, to his face...different story. So, they are not to be trusted. I actually told him that too...that those he thinks are his friends...are far from it. One thing I'll say. He knows I was tried and true. I know this. I honestly believe that most of the people in his life, are like him. Selfish, mean, angry...they are. I've seen it. They would turn on me. They would turn on him. I decided to go silent, and drop out of the game. I'm no one's pawn! I will not be used by anyone ever again. Not for friendship. Not for a relationship. And you too, will find that dropping them all will bring you closer to healing. But, truly, they might actually think you're a great person, for narcs don't really have 'good people' surrounding them. They usually have wanna be's or people like them. The sane ones...leave them. lol ;)

#23 Nov 12 - 10PM (Reply to #27)

Syren66 (not verified)

Five down......? to

Five down......? to go...still wading through the list...have over 500 f/b friends...I have to sit here on a Saturday night herding cats FFS. Oh, I know the type you're referring to...like I said, there are many who have stayed completely out of it...but they are friends with either or both...and that's too close for comfort...one moved to Oklahoma..and I love the guy, so he stays...for now. He has never voiced any opinion about or interest in the xN and my situation. What's killing me is that I had to block the tournament guy's wife, who I love. But guess what? She's married to a narc...she's unstable and untrustworthy too as far as I am concerned. I'm actually kind of enjoying this...oh and as my last hurrah for the evening, I plan to unjoin the player's group...if I don't want these people in my personal accounts, I don't really give a flying fuck about them as players either. Not like I'm in need of info about local tournaments or anything...LMAO! I am loyal as hell too, Deidre...but the xNarc will be the first to attest to the truth about me...and that is; once I feel someone has betrayed me at ALL...they are cut out of my life completely - I did that with several people while I was in a relationship with him...including one of my sisters. Including HIM. So this should come as no surprise to anyone that when I've had enough bullshit, they get ruthlessly tossed.

#24 Nov 12 - 10PM (Reply to #28)

Syren66 (not verified)

"Are you sure you want to

"Are you sure you want to leave this group? This will also prevent members from re-adding you. If you ever want to rejoin, visit the group and click Ask to Join Group."

#25 Nov 12 - 10PM (Reply to #29)

Deidre40

lol! I deactivated my FB

lol! I deactivated my FB account long before the narc came into the pic. Like over a year ago. I don't miss it, and from reading all the drama stories on here with FB and their ex N's...ugh. I'm glad I didn't reactivate it. You're having fun with this, very good! :=) lol I think if you consider leaving ANY note at all on the message board to the group...it definitely should read....BYE FUCKERS! lol I think we can all attest that would be the only message we might approve of. (j/k, silence is best, but it's a funny thought) Night! Stay strong with this. :=)

#26 Nov 12 - 10PM (Reply to #30)

Syren66 (not verified)

There are players from all

There are players from all over the world I see on tour and keep in touch with via Facebook. Some I have become very good friends with, personally. It can be a great medium, if it's used properly. I blocked that asshole 2 months before I even moved out...now I have to conduct another housecleaning. Because there ARE people who are merely nosing into my life and no doubt, reporting everything back to him. I'm so done with this, it's not even funny. Like I said, making me feel like I was sucker punched tonight was the WRONG thing to do. They can all suck it.

#27 Nov 12 - 9PM (Reply to #18)

Deidre40

all i've learned...i learned

all i've learned...i learned here from hunter, goldie, used, journey...mystwoman..dabussard...etc...and everyone else ...amazing support group we've got here. :=) and...i lived it. ;) trust me. you'll be thankful to do this. BUT REMEMBER...THERE WILL BE SOME FALLOUT. Defriending people...once they realize it, they may try to contact you. STAY NC. If you bump into them out in public, just say...oh, i've been busy...gotta run, nice seein ya! And walk away. Eventually, they'll all move on. And you will have healed. It's the only way. These 'friends' want nothing more than to use you for their sheer entertainment.

#28 Nov 12 - 9PM (Reply to #19)

Syren66 (not verified)

I met the majority of people

I met the majority of people I'm booting tonight through the ex Narc...seems only fitting their loyalty would be to him. It seems like none of them have any interest in seeing me move on and be happy while maintaining a friendship, even if it's that of an acquaintance. So they can all sit around him while the Golden Child proclaims my insanity to the choir...what the fuck ever. Seriously many of these people are trash in personal life and really not people I would befriend were it not for the ex. How about a guy whose wife works full time while he loses his trucking business and "earns a living" playing fantasy football and gambling on sports? I try to take people at face value and not judge...well I'm judging now. I'm judging the hillbilly g/f (pre and post me), I'm judging him, I'm judging the losers he surrounds himself with. I'm judging every person I encounter from this point forward...my mother always said "you're known by the company you keep"...yep, I get it now mom! :)

#29 Nov 12 - 7PM (Reply to #12)

Hermes

Syrene. Deirdre is right!

I agree totally with what Syrene says. It is good advice. Now is the time to re-make your world, make new friends, a new start. Good luck Hermes

#30 Nov 12 - 6PM

Sparrow

You did nothing wrong. The

You did nothing wrong. The only time you should beat yourself up is when you consciously do something you know is a mistake and you know is wrong. Lending a helping hand to a friend isn't wrong. Be thankful that all of this transpired on Facebook. Otherwise, you would have found yourself in a compromising situation. It's all good. Relax and take a deep breath. You handled it, and that's what matters. :)

#31 Nov 12 - 8PM (Reply to #9)

Swan

Yeah I can't figure out why

Yeah I can't figure out why you are calling yourself an idiot and saying you did something wrong. way i see it, you were just being a kind person and someone else is the idiot who did something wrong.

1
2
next
last

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews