Why do we fall for them?

Maybe non-targets are better at spotting them? After I was coldly dumped, my two female roommates told me that they hated him because they didn't think he treated me very well. My mother never liked him either. And they never said anything because they figured I knew what I was doing. I wish I had openly approached them and asked for their opinions. Maybe for those of you who are dating, that's something to put on your checklist: introduce him to everyone who cares about you and ask for their honest impressions. It would've saved me a lot of pain.

"Are guys better at spotting male Narcs because they are not dazzled by their charm?" I think you may have something there, to be honest. I'm gay, and I was taken in by a male narc. However, I have repeatedly been able to spot bad-news female narcs (or borderlines, perhaps?) where straight guys just fall straight for it. I think what the narc does is go straight for the emotional jugular. They suss out what you want, then they offer it to you. Something you have an emotional need for. Once they've got you hooked it's very hard to handle. I've found that my intellectual mind and my emotional mind ended up at odds over and over again with him, and that's why it's hard to leave. In my particular case, I realise the Ice Queen figured out what was missing from my relationship with my partner. I think he's very adept at that. Every relationship has a compromise in it somewhere, and I reckon he figures out what it is, and offers one of the partners the very thing they're missing, the thing they've compromised on. He then inserts himself in, has some fun, strings them along...then once he's got what he needs and gets bored, he ditches them and moves on to a new target. I, truth be told, didn't ignore the warning signs. I knew something was wrong, but the fight between emotion and intellect all but tore me to pieces. That delayed things long enough for him to latch onto a new target and ditch me. I should be relieved, but it hurt so much all the same, and even now it still hurts and has left me very angry. It sounds like I knew exactly what I was doing, but frankly I was just LUCKY that he didn't wear me down far enough quickly enough.

I ignored a very big red flag when he came to meet my family about 3-4 weeks after I first met him. He was the only one speaking at the lunch table and I could see the uncomfortable look on my family's faces. Even one family member who usually is good at monopolising conversations (but more in a fun way) was reduced to silence by my xN's constant lecturing. My family never did say anything at the time, my Mum feels it's not her place to because she feels like she failed her own marriage when my father went off with a younger woman, but I really should have read their reaction to him, especially that my mother did tell me recently that that was the way they had felt at the time.

my ex narky boy, manages to seduce men, children, animals, old ,online gamers, young, all his co-workers and a therapist! He deserves a damn metal, ..a metal cage! I WISH some dudes came up to me, and warned me of this psycho. /with REAL love ...SG

I do think other guys can see through the shit way easier cause they have no reason to want to believe differently. My exN presented himself to be everything I always wanted and in many ways it was genuine because we did share many same interests and for the rest he just charmed and mirrored until I was completely 'hooked'. There were so many red flags. One was from a friend who knew someone who knew him well and he told her after she mentioned I was seeing him, "well wish her good luck with that, he's the worst egomaniac I've ever met" Of course, I discounted that and ignored the rest, since I thought I'd met my soul mate. I don't consider there was anything wrong with me for falling for him, I was just uneducated in the ways of predators and now that I know better, will choose better.

This may make me sound like a narc, (which I am NOT!) but mine studied me... down to my Amazon Wish List...and then pretended to be just like me. She mirrored me perfectly. I'm sure she morphed into a completely different persona for her NS.

I can relate to your post more than I want to. You could have poked me in the eye with all of the red flags that should have been going off and I still would have fallen for him. I've said this before but it sticks in my brain - a quote from my sister: "You realize that you are the only person on the planet who even LIKES him?" After our breakup, people started telling me what they've always thought about him and wondered why I was with him in the first place. And all that time I thought I had landed my soulmate. He was an arrogant SOB. Plain and simple. Others knew it IMMEDIATELY. I am too forgiving, too hopeful, too EVERYTHING! They are a drug and it is powerful to be made to feel that sexy, etc. But we need to know that we are that fabulous without having an N (or anyone) reinforce it.

I thought he was a challenge. Now I realize that he is challenged.