joolsy's story
joolsy's story
I have just discovered my partner is a narcissist after a 5 year relationship. We met at work, both married, I really didn't find him attractive at first, and ignored him for a year.
I was in an abusive relationship, and finally relented s he was so charming, constantly txting, e-mailing to say I was wonderful, loved spending time with me, couldn't imagine his life without me etc etc. All telecons, txts ended with I love you, and loads of kisses. I had never experienced anything like it. He worshipped the ground I walked on.
I should have seen the signs. He could be moody, grumpy, snap at me for no reason, cancel dates, weekends at the last minute with no excuse. He was jealous of other people's success, and though he was superior at work, In fact, no-one got on with him at all, other than female clients. I reminded myself, he is different out of work!!!
We saw each other a lot, he couldn't get enough of me. I separated from my husband, and he came round to my house a lot, staying 2/3 times a week. We booked dinners, holidays, theatre. We had the same interests, could talk for hours, and the sexual chemistry between us was amazing.
Early in our relationship we went to the USA for 2 weeks on business. We had a lot of free time so went sightseeing etc. On our 2nd last day he was really horrible to me, snapping, and refusing cuddles etc. I was devasted, it was like a different person. What had happened to the person I loved and loved me??
I was on a separate flight home, and cried all the way. I didn't hear from him for a few weeks then yep, he contacted me, apologised, bought me a gift then it was back to normal. He was always saying "I'll make it up to you"
This year I decided I wanted commitment. I wanted a proper relationship, and to meet his family, and friends (he had met all mine). He went on holiday this summer with his family, and I said it would probably be the end when he returned as I needed to move on. He txtd me every day on holiday, saying he missed me loads. When he returned, he said that he realised he needed to be with me, and loved being with the kids, but had no relationship with his wife, and couldn't see a future with her. He said that she knew he was unhappy (typical narcissist blaming his unhappiness on someone else). This is a cheater, liar, had an affair (someone before me, and I am sure someone after), and he blames his wife for his unhappiness!!!
He wrote her a letter telling her his feelings, and said he wanted to move in with me. I was so excited as I never thought it would happen. He bought a bottle of champagne, we celebrated by going out for a nice dinner. He brought so much stuff round to mine we had to buy furniture the next day. We were getting on so well. He said happy anniversay to me the following week, and we planned a weekend away. He was talking about our plans for Xmas, and next year. I was in heaven...... then a week later he was distant one evening, looking at me as if I was an alien, withdrawing affection. He had a cold, so put it down to that. We left for work together, and I sent him a txt, rang, no response. He called me later that afternoon to say he wouldn't be home when I arrived back from work. He had gone back to his house got the car, and moved all his belongings out, posting his key through the door. He left me a short note to say he missed the kids, and needed to see them, and although he loved me deeply he had to do this. Two weeks!!! he's on business longer, and he was planning to see the kids over the next 2 days. He was ony a weekend dad anyway, so felt this was an excuse.
His wife has accepted him back, I met him a few days later to tell him he had left me devasted, but he has still not given me an answer so I have not had closure. He said he decided to go back (yep thinking of himself). So, if he missed the kids, why did he leave home, if he wanted to stay why did he confess his affair to his wife, and why did he move in with me if he wasn't 100% sure??? All those thoughts are going through my head, and I have not eaten/slept for weeks. It is only through counselling that I am beginning to heal, and realise who I was dealing with. Reading your stories has helped me greatly, there are so many nasty men out there, we are all victims, and we need to get rid of them. It's them that need help. I also downloaded Lisa's e-book which has been a great healer.
Thankyou. We are only here once, and deserve the best in our lives. I never want to have anything to do with him ever, and good luck to whoever has him next.
Lesson Learnt
I understand
They are disordered.. The
Ugh!!! Welcome.. NC is your
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