Burning down the house!

Let's talk about devastation. Don't run away, it is the starting point of recovery!

Seeing as how this life experience can be compared to being in school, I can see where these disordered ones are teachers...but WTF...kindergarten again, and with satan as a teacher.

The narc-relationship caused the devastation, but to credit them in any way for anything past that makes no sense. They are the destroyers, nothing more. The gloating and posturing of the narc is a tool of the weak, trying to look strong and secure and happy and in control. Don't be fooled any longer, as it is just another creation, another new mask.

I think some of my anger might have come from the realization that the moving on and growing past this was going to require some work and alot of willingness on my part. At this point I have done alot of the work, suffered thoroughly, walked through lots of pain, processed through the 5 stages of grief, pick myself up and dusted myself off too many times to count. Life is difficult sometimes. This has been one of those times. Hard to sit still in class when the teacher is satan reincarnated, lol. Makes a person want to scream.

Building a new house is a great metaphor for what we are doing. But we didn't burn down the house. And the narc gets no credit for the new one we are working so hard to build. And my plans for the house are none of the narcs business. And I don't need the narcs input on any part of the new phase of my development. I am way past looking in the past for my future. My future is now, and it is mine alone. It was so hard getting around in the house that narc built anyways. We discuss that often here on the boards. Eggshells everywhere. Landmines both hidden and out in the open. Choas and confusion around every corner. My new house will be open and transparent, lots of windows and openness throughout. Strong foundation, we get to design the elements, we can try things out and make corrections where necessary. We choose the materials. And the house can be placed on a site with a wide view all around. No need to build it in a ghetto. Or have crappy noisy foolish neighbors. All inclusive, limited only by our imaginations.

If I can thank the narc for anything, it would be for the ashes. I would put them in an urn if I could. I was there for the fire. It was a doozy. 5 alarm at least. And long after the smoldering phase started, I would add fuel and re-ignite it over and over hoping for a different result. But as we all either know or are starting to learn, the result was always the same. Narcs many times try to act like there was no fire in the first place. So silly and shallow of them. Aren't they ridiculous really. Shadow entities full of nothing but smoke and hot air. The drama of talking about the fire will hold less and less value and allure as we focus more and more on what we get to build for ourselves.

The task we face can look intimidating, scary, and overwhelming at first. Voices in my head predicting failure, whining "whats the use". The ashes made a crappy mattress, and I got tired of waking up in a sleeping bag surrounded by remnants from the blaze.

So today instead of sending you ponies and rainbows and hearts and flowers, I wish you a bit of desperation and fear. Enough to propel you forward and onward, on a journey that somewhere deep inside we know we can make, and knew we had too. We must uncover all of the blocks to our freedom...search and you will find!

ds