Wanted to share

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#1 Oct 20 - 11AM
faithinthefuture
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Wanted to share

Wanted to share my meltdown I had last Sat. & my "AHA" moment because of it.

Next week I am moving to Narcs town to be with my daughter. It's a move I've contemplated for over a yr but didn't becuz didn't want to be in his town. I am leaving my elderly parents, my family, a good job, & a city I love. But she needs me. I need her. I am looking so forward to being with her again.

Last Sat. I had my estate sale which was a failure. After running the ad I am -$5. Wasn't depending on the $ but it would've helped my move. Hopefully this Sat will be more prosperous. During the sale a good friend of mine txted & asked "wth? narcboy is sitting next to me & trying to be my best friend" Told him "he's up to something" Friend said "maybe he wants the attention I'm getting from the bartender even w/skank sitting next to him"

It triggered something in me & I started shaking. My thought was why now he is trying to be friends? Maybe he found out I'm moving & wants to get info? Maybe he was trying to make skank jealous? I mean really who knows who gives a shit right?

But all the anxiety about moving, bad sale, anticipation of being in that town hit me like a brick Sat nite & I sobbed my heart out. I have not sobbed that hard since I kicked him out.

I woke at 2:30 am & went to the couch & it hit me. STOP! The life you had there before is NOT the life I am going to have this time. This is ONLY about my daughter & I. And how this time is all about us! And the true friends who have stayed by my side & believe in me!

I realized I am not going back the same person as when I left. I have grown. I am stronger. I am better now than I was then.

I'm going to take it one day at a time. One moment at a time.

Oct 20 - 4PM
ally2375
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FIF

Strangely, I experienced the opposite of the situation you're describing. Mine up and relocated halfway across the country to the city *I* was planning to move back to (I'm temporarily in another city). I was furious! I felt like he was taking something away from me, tainting something I was looking forward to. Of all the weird, antagonistic crap he did, this one was the hardest to swallow. I came to the same conclusion you did: I am a different person now. I am stronger, wiser, and more self-assured. If he tries to insinuate himself into my life, I will kindly but firmly push him out. For me, that means that I make it very clear to mutual acquaintances that I don't want to hear anything about him. See, I like to pretend he's on Mars, and that messes up the fantasy. ;) If I had to guess, I'll bet you've got a little fear of the unknown going here. You've got a lot of change happening, which is causing your self-preservation instinct to kick in. You're reverting to analyzing your ex and his motivations to keep yourself protected. That's normal, but he's only a danger to you if you let him back in. You won't. You've got too many other good things going. :)
Oct 20 - 11AM
Used
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faithinthe future

this was one message you could have done without to be honest, she is telling you about narc coming on to her, and telling you he with a women......i think this was alow blow, very thoughtless.....you being upset was so naturel, the house ,the move, what you are leaving.......BUT ,LOOK WHAT YOU ARE DOING...you and your daughter want to be together, so you had no hesitation, walking into the lions den, where you know he lives...what does this say about you, how strong and determined , not to let the man, and i use that term in jest...lol] to dictate in your life anymore......i know people who wouldnt have moved there....you are ONE BRAVE BADASS CHICK.....and you know when you get there,he will still be around ,so this was a blip and there will be other blips.....YOU WILL SURVIVE THEM ALL...your user name when you came here was so positive, thats why i never forgot who you were.....TO HAVE FAITHINTHEFUTURE, while coming away from a narc...says the kinda of women you are....A CLASS ACT, AND YOU WILL BE OK....XXXX
Oct 20 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
faithinthefuture
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used

You made me cry. But in a good way! Thank you for your belief in me. I know I will be ok! And I know there will be blips but I will get thru those to. He will never bring me down again! I swear to that! As far as my friend I thought the same thing. Especially since I have told him a number of times I don't want to hear about N. I think when he tells me things he doesn't think he is hurting me but protecting me & showing me the N hasn't changed. But I know he knows this will get to me. That's why I have told him to stop! This friend is a male friend who never liked the N & was always telling me to get out. Extreme jealousy between the two of them. Rather comical! But being smarter & wiser & getting back to my instincts I see him as a person who likes to save damsels in distress & at times has caused trouble amongst couples. Basically telling the women how wonderful they are & how they deserve better. He likes to get the asshole men jealous. And be the knight in shining armor. Armor rusts! He has become a game player & likes drama just as much as the N. I have no time for that & I won't put up with it from him. I have called him on it a few times & he didn't like it. Oh well too bad soo sad.
Oct 20 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Used
Used's picture

faithinthe future

i read it again,so its a male friend,he is no friend, i know someone like this, they stir the shit,with couples who are together to get them apart, then acts all innocent, he is no knight in shining armour, he is a gossipy OLD TART.....GET SHOT OF HIM PLEASE...he knows he is winding you up that what narc losers do, YEP I SAID NARC ,COS HE IS ONE.....cos the person i knew who used to do it was myexn....he would pour the poision in the womens ears, then tell the b/f husbands ,that their women had come on to him...if he could split someone up ,he would and could.....RED ALERT FAITHINTHEFUTURE xxxxx
Oct 20 - 11AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Faith, a necessary

breakthrough moment! How excellent that you choose the new script! How outstanding that you know you will not fall into the old patterns and what you choose to create will be better than ever! I wish you good luck and good vibes for continued clarity and strength. Most sincerely, (determined to never again be) spinning. NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES!

spinning

Oct 20 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
faithinthefuture
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spinning

Thank you! Again! One of the reasons I moved from there was because of the person I had become. I didn't like me. I needed to come home & be with family & find me again. By doing that & having the N move here & seeing who he really is has given me more clarity than I have had in a very long time. My instincts are so sharp. Still a little dull around the edges but from where they were even a few months ago is astonishing to me. I've had moments where I've laughed out loud & was like YES!!! :-) It seems like I do really good & then have a real low but the high coming out is higher. It feels good to be getting me back!
Oct 20 - 11AM
ordinarycourage
ordinarycourage's picture

your future

And that is what recovery looks like! You are making a brave move and I am proud of you. Maintaining NC will be more important than ever when you move...I have heard this technique called the "indirect hoover maneuver". How old is your daughter? Can she relocate to your town? Just a thought....
Oct 20 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
faithinthefuture
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OC

Thank you! You know what I'm proud of me too. Yeah I thought about the indirect hoover thing too. Only because the two of them haven't really talked since the N moved back. And I had kept it a secret from so many people there that I was moving back because I didn't want N to know. And one day I said screw him & I don't give a shit if he knows. My daughter is 19. Long story short...we moved to my home state & she hated it so I let her finish last 2 yrs of HS there w/her friends. The degree she wants has a 3-4 yr waiting list here so that's why she's still there. We did look into that option. But as she said "this time being here will be so different for you mom. We'll be doing things together. You can teach me to cook. And we won't be lonely for each other." :-)