a pattern

Did anyone else ignore what they initially knew just for it to come full circle and smack them in the face ? I am a people watcher and I think I'm quite astute at seeing behind a persons facade. I know so how did this happen to me !? Ill explain. I could see in the narc that what he had done to his wife was rush in woo her marry her give up all his own life and expect her to do exactly the same. He was happy with that for a while. Then once hed isolated her and taken all her options away he took back up his options and started doing as he pleased. Little by little. When she then complained he turned it around on her and said she was controlling, insecure didn't want him to leave her side. In the end she just had to accept it and accept his lies and excuses for where he was all the time and she didn't know any different because she was isolated and if anyone close to her did know anything they were too scared to speak up. She became boring to him and although unlike others he hasn't blatantly bad mouthed her to me he did in subtle ways by blaming her for why he said he stopped loving her. Then along came me. Feisty not in awe of him and totally real. He said the first time he met me he was scared of me. An odd comment because I'm neither loud brash or intimidating. Out spoken realistic and never suffered fools until him yes. Anyway he started to see a weakness in me. I was feeling unloved and insignificant with my partner and I felt the relationship was coming to an end. So there he was my night in shining armour pretending to be everything that my partner was lacking. I dubiously started to fall into it but I didn't jump in as he wanted me to. He tried everything to get me and after a few months I moved my ex partner back in. The n wouldn't go he waited for nearly a year while I tried to make a go of it with my ex partner and father of my children. A normal person wouldn't wait and go through all that just to throw it in the persons face all the time once they'd got what they wanted. It was his choice to persue me and wait for me. Everytime I felt my partner let me down there was the n to pick up the pieces and tell me how beautiful I was and that he wanted to take care of me for the reat of my life. Hard to resist when you've always had self esteem issues. Anyway my gut told me this is too good to be true. I will become what she was and he will gradually isolate me and make me lose all my friends and never go anywhere without him and rely on him totally so I can't leave. While all the time he has all his friends and old life on the back burner ready to step back into when he knows I can't just get up and go ok I'm going out with my friends too. He wanted to narrow my options. When I eventually separated from my partner again for the n that's when the devaluation began and his mask came off. We spent more han another year with him trying to make me conform and become the stepford wife role and more and more I became that and then the silent treatments started and outright verbal and physical abuse. I was becoming what she was. What I categorically told him I would not become. So I began to claw my way back up and for a time had to be as manipulative as he was. Towards the end I just knew that if I didn't get out eventually he would just tire of me because I was no longer a challenge and find new supply and then not even look back at me. I couldn't let that happen. The ironic thing about this and what has been the most difficult is that I know that by keeping him on his toes for want of a better word it kept him with me and kept him coming back because the truth is he wasn't going to be happy until he broke me and I had nothing left but him. I suspected this from the start even if its not a conscious thing with him its what he does. Its what is normal to him. The bottom line is I tried to be that person he wanted but it was a truly miserable place to be and I'm not going back there. I was right all along. I told him a million times that that is what he was trying to do to me and he managed to twist it round so much I doubted it and stayed. I stayed for over 2 and a half long years of misery. Just a thought as I wake up to day 4 of nc. That's the reality. Its not an easy one to face but at 41 I have no more time to waste on this. What would my life have been like had I not held onto that intial impression of what he was about !? Without a doubt I would have lived with him and had a child with him and given up every bit of my life and independence withing the first 3 months of getting involved ! That's what he wanted. God I'd have been in a worse predicament now.I'm a strong believer in that it takes at least 2 years to get to know someone before you should make a comittment. And although I became committed emotionally I didn't commit in all the physical financial and other ways. Luckily by the time I was so desperate to keep him I would have doen anything he didn't want it. He was quite happy to have control without him having to committ. A blessing to him I suppose. I'm hurt and I'm wounded and I've got to start almost from scratch but the fight to keep my independence and my precious friends ex partner and life have payed off. It has been nothing more than a battle. When I have nc with him there are so many light bulb moments where it really begins to click. That's why I'm taking this as nc. The end. Not one of his silent treatments which is what the fool may think he is dishing out. A long rant but I need to get it off my chest. I've got to process this