Replying to posts???

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Oct 11 - 11AM

dazedandcnonfused

Replying to posts???

Good morning beautiful community,

I have been reluctant to post on other peoples topics for awhile now. I would like to hear from you as a community what really helps.

I personally am still very hurt and trigger very easily. I wish I was further along in NC and healing but I am not.
So I feel like when I do post a response to topics that I am self absorbed in my own story that I don't really contribute to others healing.

My hope is once the pain and healing have set in I can post words of wisdom and help others overcome the agony these people create in others lives.

I personally like reading about where other people are and how they are over coming the pain.

So my question to all of you does it help you when I post a reply to a question or situation, when I really have no validity in my own path of healing yet.
I read all of the great posts from those further along than me, and wonder if I help or cause more frustration and possibly trigger when I add a comment because I feel like all of my posts are self reflecting stories.
I don't know what I am really asking here. I guess I just need confirmation that my comments do more good than harm.

#2 Oct 11 - 3PM

Froglegs

Dazed,

We've spent so long not talking about ourselves and catering to the Ns in our lives that it does indeed feel strange to actually say "I" without being scolded. Right now, it IS all about you so please respond if you feel the need. I've found that when others do get into their stories it is just that much more helpful to see the similarities, to feel validated through them because we've all gone through it. ((hug))

#3 Oct 11 - 2PM

Done sourcing

I find that responding helps

I find that responding helps me identify my true feelings. I also find that posting helps make me accountable to myself. I want to do the healthy thing. Writing it out makes it more real, and forces me to dig inside to find my truth. Nc is so vital to the path towards healing, and responding to posts forces me to talk about it constantly. It helps feed me with the truth, and interrupts the unhealthy patterns I have integrated throughourt this r/s. ds

#4 Oct 11 - 12PM

Hunter

Do what you feel comfortable

Do what you feel comfortable doing!! Like I wouldn't tell you if you screwed up!! Haha!! You know the right answers, you just need to apply the answers to you as well as others!! Love u!! Hunter

#5 Oct 11 - 12PM

Sparrow

Just by being on the forum

Just by being on the forum and reading others posts, make a big difference. You ARE contributing, whether you post or not. Part of the healing is to help others. So, if you are posting a question, comment or story, it is helpful to others to post to you and attempt to help. Learning about the disorder and being able to assist others does a world of good for many! You ARE NOT self absorbed. If not responding helps you right now, and you continue to read and educate......that's all we can ask of you and more importantly, all you can ask of yourself. Everyone gets there in their own time, their own way. We are all alike in the fact that we are victims of narcs, but yet different as individuals. As long as we all get to the end of our journey is what matters. Agreed?

#6 Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #16)

freaked

Thanks Sparrow

lovely warm affectionate post Sparrow.. felt happy to read that all our posts are welcome. like Dazed i also had same apprehension. HUGS

#7 Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #17)

dazedandcnonfused

Sparrow and Freak

Thanks for validating my self pity post. I almost didnt post this because I didnt want to be looked at as trying to seek attention and validation. But I am glad I did and I thank you all for recognizing this post as credible. I guess as a victim of a Narc, they create so much self doubt and confusion in us that even where we seek comfort and support we can often feel apprehensive as even being worthy of sharing our story. For me he has gas lighted me so much that I even question if this even happened. Or is it all in my head...

#8 Oct 11 - 12PM

freaked

Dazed, HUGS and me saying Keep Postin'

sweet dazed, i know what you are feeling dear...even i have felt that hesitation.. like i would feel am i going on venting my same old story.. what am i doing to help..and all that. even now when i vent i do feel extremely guilty and then i have read here that it is ok and everyone is allowed to vent. you know, i am middleaged..and i feel so bad to be such a apprehensive thing at this age. i guess it is a fallout of living under a narc.. we are turned into something so different from what we were before crossing path with the psycho. from my side, i am grateful to be reading everyone's posts. do keep posting whenever you like.. every communication on this forum is precious and in strange ways helps each other to learn that we are not alone..

#9 Oct 11 - 12PM

alittledark

Your posts are good for me as an "in the closet victim"

Your posts as well as everyone else's have helped me over and over again. I still consider myself in the closet as a victim because I keep going NC, but when hoovered I cave. Like all the veterans here are saying don't quit posting. Everyone's posts are valuable. I don't know about everyone else, but reading all sides of the issues surrounding narc abuse and personal experiences keep me from giving up entirely. This may be the wrong thing to say and am sure I will get some invisible arrows thrown at me, but I sometimes wish there was a forum for those of us struggling with NC. I know everyone struggles, but I feel I am pre-NC...if that is even possible. I sometimes reply to other posts, but feel too ashamed at my stage of abuse, but sometimes we just need to feel that others are going through the same thing. I don't know you from Adam, but know that you are a kindred spirit. Keep posting and replying. Hugs to you D&C!

I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
--Helen Keller

#10 Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #13)

dazedandcnonfused

altittledark

I also wish there was a place to post when we struggle with NC. I can't keep with the NC program because I keep thinking, I did something wrong and I need to make it right. Every time in the past he has conditioned me that it was me that did something wrong and after a certain amount of time of silent treatment, he comes back. And makes it clear why he left and what rules I am to follow or he will go away again. I have stopped posting about my feeble attempts at NC, because I already feel like crap about it and I don't want to feel worse. My journey with my ex started nearly 2 decades ago. I should have known better to allow him back in my life. But I have absolutely NO WILL POWER with him. NONE! I honestly believe that I will never hold the power with him. If he find me again in 20 yrs, I will be jumping up and down and eager to talk to him. This is the sad freaking truth. So my journey to letting him go is pathetic. It was pathetic all those years ago. But I did it! I did it because it was easier back then, no computers, no cell phones, no texting, no snooping on facebook. I was guilty of a couple of driving by his house. But that was about it. I let him go. And I am letting him go again. But honestly he will never move out of my heart. He never did. I just closed that part of my heart. Again I will cement that part of my heart and brain off to the world and continue on with my life journey.

#11 Oct 11 - 11AM

spinning

dazed, sweety!!!

Getting it out is the second step here! Post what you are feeling, it will help you and it will help others who can relate to it! There are no rules when it comes to your personal healing. It takes as long as it takes. We just ask that everyone speak kindly to each other and treat each other with respect and dignity...and even doing those simple things helps us all feel better about ourselves. Your posts are just fine! Please don't take this on! It's an old script! You are valued and valuable. You are allowed to bring what you have to bring to the table here! Hugs to you, dear dazed. I know how hard this is for you. Truly I do because I have watched you try so very hard. That's a great thing! Keep trying and don't worry about not having all the answers! No one does! The important thing is to keep trying and keep striving to create a better, happier, more peaceful and joyful life. Most sincerely, (refusing to be) spinning. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO SPIN OVER SOME DISORDERED FREAK!

spinning

#12 Oct 11 - 11AM

Unfreakinreal

Keep posting!

You never know when a thought of yours affects someone else. It may be just the thing they need to hear even if they don't post a response. Take it from me, my posts come out of nowhere most times. What you write reaches someone, somewhere. Xoxo

#13 Oct 11 - 11AM

Sea

Same here i dont know very

Same here i dont know very much to instill wisdom but i think sharing abit of my story and offer a warm hug helps. At least to me it helps when people reply me that way.

#14 Oct 11 - 11AM

Used

dazedandconfused

everybody works at their own pace and in their own way...if this works for you then this is fine...i think you are feeling low, and so dont think you are doing the right thing....you are doing the right thing...its not about being self absorbed, its about being in so much pain, that you cant think straight or of any thing else...please continue to do what you are doing and you are doing finexxxx

#15 Oct 11 - 11AM

ally2375

Dazed

In the first few weeks, when I was new to all of this, nothing gave me more strength than hearing other people's stories. It was so incredibly validating. Don't discount the power of sharing your story. It lets us all know we're not alone. I had never heard of a PD before I came here. I was really down on myself for getting involved with one and for putting up with what I did. To know that others were right there with me was everything. Keep sharing. :)

#16 Oct 11 - 1PM (Reply to #7)

FarmGirl

not the only one

EVERYONE'S stories help me to realize that I am not the only one and not alone in this. I love seeing other people's N's crazy stuff. It really helps keep me on the path towards healing. If it wasn't for this forum I wouldn't have ended it with him or started therapy. :O)

#17 Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

dazedandcnonfused

Thanks!

Thank you all for responding. I am having a rough morning. And am full of self doubt. Of course things like he really isnt a Narc. I really must have all the problems. He is right I dont listen and everything is my fault. I must be a terrible crazy person for continuing to obsess and pound my head into the wall. Analyzing every little thing counting down days, searching for answers that I will never figure out. I am looking for ways to get past this, and go back and forth on the correct steps to achieve clarity and strength.

#18 Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #3)

freaked

Dazed, today i can

Dazed, today i can confidently say that there is nothing at wrong from your side. All narcs have this finely honed skill to make us feel like we are crap. i've been there.. oh GOD i hate to remember those days when i was suicidal because it was drilled to me (by his mother and father) that he was cheating because he 'may' be bored with me(the wife) are you married to your narc? or are you ow/gf? if it is not a legal binding r/s and if you are not financially dependent, then seriously consider going NC. there is a magic in NC.. so many of our sisters and brothers here have written their positive testimonials here.

#19 Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

dazedandcnonfused

Freaked

My story is a pathetic one. I am married to a fantastic guy. I have been with him for 16yrs. My ex is also married, and lives out of state. He found me a couple years ago and it has been a roller coaster of events since then.

#20 Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

Used

dazedandconfused

your story is not pathetic,and you are not pathetic...all our stories are diffrent ,but the same?and important to us...

#21 Oct 11 - 1PM (Reply to #6)

dazedandcnonfused

used

Thanks, It does feel pathetic, because deep down when he found me, I knew better. I knew deep in my heart this could not end up in a good place. I not only hurt my heart, but could have potentially ruined my family and his. Its just that I deep down feel like this was the person I was supposed to have been with, and that all those years ago I should have never gave up so quickly. But now due to life circumstances and different paths and families we have created it is extremely pathetic and selfish to continue to put myself and everyone else involved through this agony.

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