endless arguments

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#1 Oct 11 - 2AM

freaked

endless arguments

hi friends,

sharing these observations of mine, do post if you've had similar / comparable experience.

these are some of the repeated jibes i would get from him during arguments. Heck I did not know he was a Mental Case and Dangerous..i argued with him thinking he was as human as i am..

1. when i stated FACTS during an argument, it was called 'litigative' and out of the blue lawyers in general were condemned.

2. when i said so-and-so said this-and-this about you and lot of logical ends to evidences point out to your LIES, i was told everyone is jealous of him...so they are spreading false stories so that they successfully destroy our marriage.

3. when i rammed PROOF onto his face, he said i was being a 'journalist', and had obtained all that from illegal snooping and he could have me put in jail.

all these exchanges happened prior to my finding out that he has PD and that it would be in the interest of my personal sanity to completely stop asking questions.

It ENRAGES me that i got duped into marriage and now both me as well as our child has to suffer so much.

it is HORRID to know that he is a machine and will never get punished for his evil... and his parents are exactly like him. so that makes it 3 narcs i have been caged by. SCARY. life is a hitchcock movie out here.

#2 Oct 13 - 10PM

KeshaN

Freaked I went through the

Freaked I went through the same thing especially #3. A lot of people around me would tell me about him and his lies and tell me things he did and he would say that they just wanted to break up our marriage because they were jealous. I would ask him why they would be jealous of our marriage when we didn't even do anything but argue all the time he would then say because he is such a great guy...lol. I knew this was bs. He never helped financially, he was a cheater, and he was abusive and everyone could see it. My sister was the main one he would say this about but she had a great marriage and a husband who treated her like an angel. There was a girl I went to school with who just acted like she did not like me. I wasn't sure but I had tried talking to her and she never said anything to me. I told him about this asking of his opinion. He had never seen who I was talking about and I didn't even know her name to tell him. His reasons for thinking that this girl was acting this way was that she was jealous that I had a good man like him. i then asked him how that was even possible when she had never even seen him before. He couldn't answer but he stood by his statement. When I would catch him in his lies he would continue to lie anyway. I feel he really thought that I was stupid and he would even get mad at me for not believing his lies. Then he would bring up the situation later and still try to convince me that his lie was the truth and get mad all over again when I still did not believe him.

#3 Oct 13 - 1AM

onthewayout

And I quote

"Why don't you take your own inventory, and I'll take mine." End quote. I have heard this BS so much, I can almost beat him to the punch, now. I feel it comming on after he is busted in yet another lie. I am moving out when I get my income tax return.

#4 Oct 13 - 3AM (Reply to #14)

freaked

Onthewayout,

OTWO, there's just no point left in us feeling so enraged. past 5 days i was burning with rage. today, i am so fed up that i decided i gain nothing by silently raging. i should get a sledgehammer and bash him up...or else quietly plan out an exit. of course we cannot avoid feeling a bottomless pit of regrets due to the wastage of our precious years.. it will be really good for you when you are able to shrug away that monster. all the best Hugs

#5 Oct 11 - 8PM

ValiditySeeker

He would be totally and obviously in the wrong about something

For example, showing up 45 minutes late and not have an excuse. I would tell him it hurt my feelings and was a shitty thing to do. You think I got an apology?! Never. Not once in three years. He could argue with me in circle for an hour to an hour and a half and he still refused to acknowledge my point of view. Not when he ate all my food after I asked him not to, not when he took my things and refused to give them back. Never acknowledged my feelings. On a bad day, I think about that and still want to kick his teeth in. On a good day, I don't think about that.

#6 Oct 11 - 11AM

Goldie

LOL, Freaked

At least he responds with intelligent bullshit and lies. Not boring this one. The dumbass's come up with stupid riduculous lie's and excuses which are so lame that you want to spit your coffee right in their face when they are speaking, lol. God bless, Goldie

#7 Oct 11 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

freaked

Goldie

Goldie... i don't know what to say in response to your comment:( i am a battered soul here and the narc's high IQ for lying and cheating only made me lonelier and sadder. i should name him Deception Point. God bless you too dear friend. Freaked

#8 Oct 11 - 1PM (Reply to #9)

Goldie

I was making a joke

We need to begin to laugh again. As ridiculous as what your Narc is saying, I was saying that when you are with a dumbass Narc the comments are even more riduculous. Tom Sheridan says that when you can laugh at these creature's they lose all power and control over you. Your Narc's comments struck me as funny because they were so over the top ridiculous. I know a man who has been locked up in solitary confinement in a State Prison for over 30 years. He went in as a handsome young man. He is 6' tall and only weighs about 135lbs. He is sometimes confined to his tiny cell with no mattress or reading materials in a straight jacket for days if he misbehaves and by misbehaving, trust me, it does not take much to constitute misbehaving. He has not eaten a real meal in years and looks like he is about 60 now and is only in his late 40's. He rarely if ever see's daylight, only when they have to take him to the hospital or court for an appeal. And he finds the time on occasion to laugh and make fun of his situation and laugh at a good joke. Are you seriously telling me that your situation is so bleak, gloomy, and horrific that you can no longer laugh or have a good joke at the Narc's expense? God bless, Goldie

#9 Oct 13 - 10AM (Reply to #11)

Susan32

Laughing at him

"Tom Sheridan says that when you can laugh at these creatures they lose all power and control over you."-The ex-Psych prof DREADED being laughed at. Other than NC, it was a catastrophic form of narcissistic injury. He identified with the character of Prince Andrei in "War and Peace." Prince Andrei is sneering at his pregnant wife Lisa, mocks his fellow soldiers, he enjoys mocking others.... but he dreads being the object of ridicule. The prospect of it terrifies him. He can't laugh at himself. On the battlefield, he rages at soldiers engaging in dark humor. The ex-P tried to rob me of my sense of humor, and the punishment for that is severe. He wanted me to be humorless like Sofia Tolstoy, whom Cathy Porter described as "never telling jokes, rarely laughed." The ex-P would call my laughter "cackling." When the senior skit mocked his cowardice, he got up and RAN. I'll say NC is an effective weapon. But humor is even stronger. If I were to see the ex-P again, I'd laugh at him IN HIS FACE, taunting, "Why so serious? Why so serious?" and maybe play some pranks at his expense. He's special.

#10 Oct 12 - 12AM (Reply to #10)

freaked

goldie, humor irritates me nowadays :(

It is not possible to truly be able to laugh or have true humor when i am like a trapped animal. sorry about this goldie, but i am feeling very sad and unhappy about the miserable way the whole thing went. The TREACHERY..oh God..i don't know if i will get over this Trauma. He was the first and only man in my life..my husband..my child's father...and he turned out like this.. what is shocking me even more is that his mother encouraged him to screw up his beautiful family...his wife and child it is not even possible to re-live my life and re-build. i am feeling emotionally so low today as i was yesterday too. I am posting a passage from Sam Vaknin's writing: "Rage gives place to sadness. It is the sadness of the trapped animal, an existential angst mixed with acute depression. It involves dysphoria (inability to rejoice, to be optimistic, or expectant) and anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure or to find meaning in life). It is a paralysing sensation, which slows one down and enshrouds everything in the grey veil of randomness. It all looks meaningless and empty." Source: http://masqueradebehindthemask.wordpress.com/the-narcissist/

#11 Oct 11 - 8AM

ready2receive

arguing with a robot

Thank you for re-counting just what it is like to argue or even TRY to have a civil discussion with an N. I thought I was losing my mind. It is, of course, simply his shame coming through. You figured him out and he simply can't process any fault-finding with his perfect (but broken) self. People who haven't lived through it just don't understand. Mutual friends tell me I should forgive him and give him yet another chance (since he's crying to everyone that I won't forgive him and wipe the slate clean). If they knew what it was like to even broach issues with an N, they would be giving me quite the opposite advice. My sister summed it up quite nicely for me when she said, "You do realize, of course, that you are the ONLY person who even likes him?" Don't waste anymore breath arguing with a well-trained robot. Time for us to focus on humans! Thanks!

#12 Oct 11 - 8AM (Reply to #5)

freaked

ready2receive, thank you

Hi Ready2receive, you summed it up so well..yep, nobody even understands what we are shouting...i have lost all my real life friends because they got tired of listening to my helpless rants..heck...they werent even able to comprehend the seriousness of the situation.. and now..i don't even miss those 'friends' any more. I am here at the forum and THANKFUL for each message of understanding and comradeship i have been gifted here. Thank you for connecting dear friend. i don't know your story.. have you posted that here? do send me the link if you have. you know each member who connects with another is truly an angel in disguise? My belief nowadays. Love and Light freaked phew what a tumultous road it's been... and to think that only a few months ago i discovered this thing called PD? I still can't get over my shock and disbelief that every member here has been through almost exactly the same horror? God bless Lisa and all the mods here for their untiring work in helping.

#13 Oct 12 - 6PM (Reply to #6)

ready2receive

to Freaked

Thanks for your support! This site is a god-send, truly. I have not posted my story yet but am working on that. It's hard to know where to start. :)

#14 Oct 11 - 2AM

lillymarch

I just had to say: I love your toaster!!

They are like burnt toast. I see that. When I told my Narc husband the TRUTH, meaning, actual facts about situations he created or things that he did that were bad, unjust, wrong, or stupid he would say that I was attacking him or abusing him. I would find all kinds of ways to discuss certain issues with him, trying to have a conversation, trying to communicate. He continued to freak out saying again, that I was attacking him. I finally realized, when the only way for me to even be around him was if I was either SILENT, or completely faking HAPPINESS that he was WRONG. I was never attacking him. He just couldn't handle the truth. The truth. And the truth is: He is a complete loser. He lost the best thing that he had in his fucking life. And that is me and his children. I will rise above this, I will. And my greatest revenge will be to live fully and happily and meanwhile completely DISREGARD, without any feeling at all, that little tiny man that I used to call my husband.

#15 Oct 11 - 3AM (Reply to #3)

freaked

that toaster

that Toaster..sadly sadly is all i am now. i have to accept that all his professing of forever and love was a LIE. he never cared at all about the human being individual that i am...and that i dedicated my LIFE to him...only to be cheated on so mercilessly.

#16 Oct 11 - 3AM (Reply to #2)

freaked

Lillymarch, i am hurting so severely

Lillymarch, your situation is closest to the situation I am in. Thank you for your response. I know you may not realise, but a response from a memeber we have got to know via pm really helps to bolster one's sagged psyche. in retrospect i am stunned by what used to be his CALM and CHILLING response to my raging. God, i can scarcely believe that i got taken for such a huge ride by someone i believed to be my husband joined in a sacred marriage ceremony. was it all mumbo jumbo then? all those rites and promises? I am praying for strength to handle this horrid shock. even more horryfying fact is that he has such an impeccable 'family background' and has such tremendous social standing...uh.. and now i discover that he is sleeping around with hookers and also has a professional hooker as his gf.. HOW CAN ANYONE DO THIS WHEN HE HAS A LOYAL LOVING WIFE AND CHILD? Lilly, will i ever be able to get over this shock and betrayal? i know someday i will remember my marriage as a horror story...but can i really be able to forget those early days when he doted on me and adored our child... what happened..what went so bad wrong? i never even imagined that one day he would turn so utterly lowdown and cheap. it breaks my psyche to know that my marriage is unofficially finished and that all my true love and devotion to my husband has been assigned to a trashcan by him.

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