like nothing ever happened.....

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Sep 28 - 8PM
newbegginings
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To a Tee!!!

Apart from the first two weeks of our whatever u call it starting, this is all I have experianced. I only found out about npd a month ago, so prior to all this literature, I was going nuts!! Totally in a freaked out state of mind. How does someone just forget you, after saying and spending time with you. Definately, live in the moment type of people... With a zero care factor attached hugs from timtam
Sep 28 - 8PM (Reply to #22)
Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture

Tim tam

You just nailed it ZERO CARE FACTOR for any one but themselves ,
Sep 28 - 8PM
Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture

Easily replaceable

Yes I always felt I was waiting to be replaced and my girl friend said to me he is just using you and will when he can find some one with more assets
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #20)
bedrtimes
bedrtimes's picture

mine even went so far as to

mine even went so far as to say to me "youre such a dumb ass ho. i used you for four years. i know i shouldnt have but i did. ha ha you dumb ass ho."
Sep 28 - 7PM
Unfreakinreal
Unfreakinreal's picture

What happened?

I thought we were kinda good on these types of things... Thinking of you. Xoxo
Sep 28 - 7PM (Reply to #18)
Sunafterrain
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Unfreakin

Yep, I'm good. Studying about it now. These questions answered help me a lot in what I'm learning about the brain and psychopaths as well as my experience. :)
Sep 28 - 6PM
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Yep, same as "living in the moment."

And no concept of time (which I mentioned before), and "outta sight, outta mind," AND "just enjoy the moment (with me)" (mine said a couple times). Also, he'd say, "just love me." Like Hunter said, mine was the same way with, "I love you." They see supply as easily replaceable, so there's always a new person and adventure around the next corner, and maybe SHE'LL worship the ground he walks on! And yes, I sensed I was easily replaceable, and hence my determination to get to the truth, and ultimately discovering that there was indeed a mask!!
Sep 28 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Cali

Mine said that OFTEN "Just love me" I was always perplexed about that statement. I felt like I was replaceable too. The I love you's were written on the wind. And ALMOST always after sex, it was "You're the bomb, baby!" After hearing that a million times, it gets old. No originality at all. But that too felt like it was only in the present, which explains why the shift in mood and perceptions of us day to day. It was with lightning speed that he would change his moods and his perceptions of me. It wasn't always spoken, but I could feel it. I'm taking a psych. class right now. Basic psych, but upper level division stuff. I'm trying to switch classes to get into abnormal psych. I want to take this class SOOOOO bad. I'm still waiting for professor permission to get in. Say a prayer for me, would you? I'd like to start a support group at the college for women who are abused and introduce the personality disordered element. All of you here help so much, Cali. I thank you for your response!
Sep 28 - 7PM (Reply to #13)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

Sunafterrain

You're welcome! I WILL say a prayer you get the Abnormal Psych class. Sounds much more interesting than Basic Psych (had that too). I have become soo interested in PDs and Ps and wouldn't mind going back to school myself. My degree and background are in the law, but alas I have relocated and can't work presently. I have been thinking of perhaps one day volunteering to help women victims of domestic violence somehow. Anyway, yes "just love me" was always quite odd to me, and my response was to say right back, "YOU just love ME too!" Lol. I once told him how much I like the song from Phantom called "All I Ask of You." I sang the part that goes, "Love me, that's all I ask of you," and I'm pretty sure he BEGAN saying this after I sang that, so I thought maybe that was the reason. I, almost from the beginning, sensed his "of the momentness" lol, and perhaps at times I tested, but I do have legal training so it always came natural for me to look for facts to contradict speculation. I used to work for a big law firm, and the attorneys often remarked on my natural abilities to understand nuances of cases and relevancy of facts and fact checking. Anyway, I suppose, in the end, my N knew I wasn't going to go down that easy. Then, when I started googling and learning, I received the final d&d, of course.
Sep 28 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Cali

It's interesting that you're in law. Or that it's your degree. LOTS of victims of psychopaths could use really GOOD legal protection. Psychology is often frustrating because it's not an exact science and there is always room for more study because human behavior on its own is so complex. There is never just one answer, but in asking a question, one could cite what would be considered a "fact" only to lead to more questions! Unfortunately, while abnormal psych is a great class, I think, even in graduate school, there is not enough education with regards to personality disorders, consequently, this means less therapeutic help for those who really need it! It helps if even one can change that. thanks for your prayers!
Sep 28 - 8PM (Reply to #15)
Caligirl
Caligirl's picture

SUN, thanks!

Yes, the law has always interested me, and why I like things to be concise, logical and ORDERED, NOT DISORDERED! Lol. I think it may have made this experience with my exn-p that much more difficult bc I like things to MAKE SENSE! HE doesn't. The mindf*ck was beyond frustrating!! Psychology leaving more questions, less answers, sounds frustrating.
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

Cali

I like straight forward answers. He knew I hated when he was mindfucking me. NEVER a straight answer! It was so frustrating! I understand what you're saying completely!
Sep 28 - 7PM (Reply to #12)
bedrtimes
bedrtimes's picture

"why dont you just love me

"why dont you just love me up?" yep heard it before too. its like ok ill just shower you with love when all you do is lie and put me down. you know whats funny is that the put downs and name calling have stopped since the other woman has come into the picture. good maybe he will save that stuff for her. pathetic Ns.
Sep 28 - 6PM
How could I
How could I's picture

From what I understand..

From what I understand, they compartmentalize everything. So, when they are with you, you are everything, but when they move on to the next thing - whether it be a person, their job, an activity, etc - that becomes their everything for the moment....making it seem like nothing ever happened, for they are on to the next item of business. I believe this is why when my N needs to talk to me, he can tell me that he misses me and wants things back the way they were, yet when he is not around me, he seems perfectly fine, cause he is! And, he has put the things I told him were wrong with our relationship in a filing cabinet drawer, locked it, and has lost the key!! LOL This is such a confusing disorder Sunafterrain! i am learning more about it daily thanks to all the wonderful people on this site - and doing some soul searching on my own too!!! Good luck to you and to us all!!!
Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
prettypeeved
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I've noticed with my narc

I've noticed with my narc (and my narc father too) that he seems to get into an interest, throw himself completely into it to the point of obsession, then get bored of it. I've mentioned this before...however...I'm also now beginning to realise that with each interest he believes he's an expert in it. Even if he's only done something for a week or so, suddenly he knows everything about it, and he STILL believes he knows everything about it YEARS later. It's almost like everything he touches turns to gold, in his oh-so-humble opinion.
Sep 29 - 6PM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Constantly changing interests

I can totally relate. It's true that normal people take up hobbies&drop them (for awhile, I was obsessed with "Lord of the Rings") But with Ns/Ps it's an altogether different beast. My former Narc boss wanted to have a chocolate fountain business, specialize in it, and somehow do pastry/desserts on the side (he did the wedding cake for a pair of women who tied the knot before Prop.8 passed) He even got the chocolate fountain machinery. He tried it out at the assisted living center, it was a flop, he sort of gave up. I don't think he even got business cards for it. He wanted rent space at a kitchen. He was REALLY into it, but there was so little effort. It's the lack of effort that stunned me. Because he SEEMED passionate about it, and I was glad he had found something else. The ex-Psych prof claimed to be an expert in St. Augustine (Augustine was the subject of his lecture my freshman year), claimed that he had read "The Confessions" in the original Latin (he made this outlandish claim to my mother at graduation- it was foot in mouth syndrome! I didn't know whether to laugh, roll my eyes, or duck under the nearest rock) Okay. I did my senior thesis on St. Augustine... and he hasn't tackled Augustine since. Somehow I ruined it for him. He was the self-anointed expert, couldn't he have held his ground? This guy is 15 years older than me. Makes him look like a wimp... that a mere student could scare him away from the ancient author who inspired HIS master's thesis.
Sep 28 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

HCI

I'm studying how the brain works in PD's right now. Looking at really boring research and hoping to get into an abnormal psych. class in the next day or two. I wonder if this "living in the moment" is a disconnect in their brain wiring, from one hemisphere to the other. I think what describes the disordered one so well, is FRAGMENTED.
Sep 28 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
freaked
freaked's picture

brain scans show abnormality

http://www.google.co.in/#pq=abnormal+brain+in+sociopath+pd&hl=en&sugexp=pfwc&cp=10&gs_id=10&xhr=t&q=brain+scan+sociopath+PD&pf=p&sclient=psy-ab&source=hp&pbx=1&oq=brain+scan+sociopath+PD&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&gs_sm=&gs_upl=&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=c81af551c7b97f98&biw=1366&bih=653&bs=1 http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/182/1/5.full
Sep 28 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Living in the moment!!! I've

Living in the moment!!! I've had two Narc relationships, I never talk about the other one! I guess one day I will! It's so long ago it's not important now! However he helps me understand this current idiot! I truly believe when they say things like " I love you" in that moment they feel it and believe it! I've just witnessed the pure confusion their mind goes thru! Happy, tears,rage it's all a one stop shop! When I say" scrambles eggs" it all really is!! I'm almost to indifference I say almost, I still feel rage, sometimes I feel very sorry for this confused creature. Both my narcs have very abusive mothers.. Detachment to reality = survival! I also know they know they are nuts.. Each new victim is going to "The One" 2 close causes devalue then discard! This is just from my personal experience! Hunter
Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
prettypeeved
prettypeeved's picture

I'm coming around to this

I'm coming around to this theory. I think, in the moment, they really do love you, they really do want you. Problem is, in the next moment, they don't. It's volatile and incomprehensible to normal people, so they go through life fucking up every relationship they get into because their partners just can't deal with it.
Sep 28 - 5PM
StudentOfLife
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It happened all the time, but

It happened all the time, but i never knew what to make of it -- still don't! One word comes to mind: Gaslighting
Sep 28 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
needing2know
needing2know's picture

Yeah I don't really

Yeah I don't really understand it either, just like the "no concept of time" thing