Fantastic post Ally!
You make such a great point.....I realize I don't think I'll ever be able to handle anything but NC with narcette. She has wanted to remain friends all along....I know I can't do it. Narcette is like your ex....the passive agressive, sneaky, secretive, manipulative type instead of the raging type. I'll never play her games again! I have to see her at a wedding in a month.....your post is a great reminder to keep my guard up and stay NC!
XoXO~KG
When I read stories of your narcette, I see a lot of similarities between her and my ex. I think that's why the soup thing is so funny to me. Mine would do that kind of stuff, too. It's equal parts infuriating and confusing.
Yes, keep your guard up. I was glad to read that the concert went well.
I was thinking yesterday I believe it was - What if I had the option of going back into the relationship with my narc? My reaction was: "Oh Hell No!" No, I wouldn't want to backtrack into that world of pain and sorrow.
While not completely out of my mind yet as I must admit I do have a few residual feelings - by and large, I know I'm well rid of him and he did me a favor releasing me from captivity into a world of peace of mind and freedom.
Let him hurt his OW if she isn't ready to take my warnings seriously. I've done all I can at this juncture. I'm healing, I'm strong, I can laugh again and enjoy the day to day business of living. I've come to appreciate these kinds of riches that no amount of money can buy. I love this good life I now have.
No, I don't want to go back. I want to look forward to the future.
When we're angry at our exes, the "no way in hell, never again!" attitude is there in full force. I totally hear ya.
But, the anger fades eventually. At some point during our healing, we just don't have the energy to stoke that flame anymore. One of the things I've noticed in my situation and in the stories of others is that, when the anger diminishes, often it is replaced with the memories of the good stuff in our relationships with these guys. There's always SOME good stuff, or we wouldn't have been with 'em in the first place, right? We start to think that maybe we can maintain enough emotional distance to have the guy back in our lives, to have the good without the bad.
I think it's great that you're looking to the future. I can tell you're working hard to build the kind of life you want. That's awesome! But, if mushy thoughts of your ex creep in from time to time, know that it's perfectly normal.
Surprisingly Ally, my comment was written with more a sense of horror and revulsion than anger. I passed anger by sometime ago.
Sure, I suppose there are times a few meager nice memories might seep in, even a bit of longing. I've done a lot of reading both by women affected and mental health professionals on the condition..
I've done a lot healing, and "No Way In Hell", just means I would not want to go back and revisit that life I knew with my narc again. I realize what I had with the narc was not a mutually and healthy loving relationship.
It a was sick and distorted situation I got sucked up into due to my own doubts and insecurities of my self worth. He didn't create my weaknesses but did take advantage of them. I don't even hate him anymore. He's not worth it!
Never do I want to experience that profound sense of helplessness and dependence on someone out to destroy me ever again! So, I say "No way in Hell!". Never again will I put myself in that position.
I'm going to work on being a strong, healthy me again, and if it's meant for me to be in a healthy loving couple relationship then that's great! I'd love it. Warmth, love, peace and happiness. Those are my goals now.
great post!
As a sober alcoholic with 13 years sobriety who came so close to drinking over N it's not even funny I can tell you even if you think you are strong in your recovery and it would never happen to you, if you let your guard down for a second, you're right back where you started!
you must be some kinda women to not have let this trauma affect your sobriety, i take my hat of to you, what a women, he certainly lost a jewel in you.xxx
Wow, that is *very* impressive, Wacaet! I think that the N should be treated like an addiction (to drugs, alcohol, gambling, whatever) for the rest of our life. Not one "hit" ever or we risk going down that path again.
Very nice post Ally! Yes, I think that we are all on this board because we are struggling to understand and achieve a successful period of NC. Otherwise, we would all probably be happily moving forward in our lives - having left the pain and disappointment of the narc heartbreak behind. So, yes, breaking NC is definitely a reality - and one I have certainly experienced.
What I finally had to face the truth about was that my exN was so damn convincing when he would tell me how much he missed me and wanted to work out "our problems". He was so good at mirroring my dreams and desires and I always went back to believing that we wanted the same things - shared the same dream. But after a time (that shortened with each return) he would ALWAYS start with the hesitation and doubts about "us" and "me". Throughout the 9 years, I would call them "roadblocks" - even before I understood about the narcissistic game playing.
I guess staying NC is only possible when you have gotten to a point where you REALLY BELIEVE that life without the narc will definitely be better than life with the narc. If you're still confused about that, NC is impossible. And even when you have come to believe that, let there be no mistake - NC is still damn hard!!
But I love this post - it is very inspirational and very very true!
Fantastic post Ally! You
Covert
"Oh Hell No!" (Not no way, not no how!)
SoaperGirl
ally2375, No Way In Hell was NOT written in anger
great post! As a sober
wacaet
Wow, that is *very*
Very nice post Ally! Yes, I
Believe in yourself!
Terri