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#1 Sep 19 - 3AM
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

ouch

6 weeks nc and no intention of breaking it

Ok weekend, usual rumination but not tortuous.

Just watched a silly advert for seat belts of all things. It was a family thing ...husband wife child but for some reason it really touched me and reminded me how alone I am and my family is shattered

Bastard bastard bastard selfish rotten nasty stinking fucking bastard

Sep 20 - 2AM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Right after I moved out I

Right after I moved out I went to church. Watched all the happy couples holding hands and looking so happy and content. Families everywhere. It hurt so bad watching them all. I went into service and as soon as the band started playing and singing I cried for maybe 10-15 minutes. It ate me up, but I went back the next week. Same thing, music and tears. Then I decided to go back until the crying stopped. It took maybe 6 or 7 visits before I survived the service with no tears. Today I am glad my bitch bitch bitch selfish rotten nasty stinking fucking bitch cheated on me and that I left. Tough recovery. Lots of pain. Lots of hoovering by a scum sucking supply seeking serpent. Every narc tactic tried. But I am single now, and free. We split the custody, she is inept and lost as a loving parent, and tries to engage at every level...but I am safe and free every morning and every evening, and have a full life with plenty of friends and love in my life. ds
Sep 19 - 9AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

You are not alone, you are by

You are not alone, you are by yourself. Big difference!!! NEVER FEEL ALONE!
Sep 19 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Think new beginnings my

Think new beginnings my friend! Flush the shit down the toilet and start fresh! Hunter
Sep 19 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
Dema
Dema's picture

It Hurts

Hugs. It hurts so much even when there are no kids together and his kids are rallying around me (and my kids are trying to not say "I told you so") and there is really no contact. I know dealing with the questions and the visitation coordination and the bills and just trying to make your week work - it has got to be just awful when you can't even talk to him without games and manipulation. I imagine he acts all helpful and cooperative and then doesn't come through. Makes it worse than if he had just been a jerk from the get go. He's a jerk, honey. A clever, manipulative, actor jerk who targetted you. It's a crime. It is truly a crime without punishment. And I'm so sorry it hurts so bad.
Sep 20 - 3AM (Reply to #3)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

You are so right Dema and I

You are so right Dema and I only just realised it. Our whole marriage was full of empty promises. I am still waiting for A HONEYMOON THAT WAS PROMISED 15 YEARS AGO. sO MANY PROMISES AND HINTS OF A FANTASTIC LIFE TO COME. eVEN NOW BIG PROMISES TO THE CHILDREN AND EVEN TELLING ME "HE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR US" what shit He has never been there for us. Just words but for years I believed the man was the words he spoke Learning to look at the behaviour not the words
Sep 20 - 5AM (Reply to #4)
lillymarch
lillymarch's picture

I'm in a similar place.

I can't believe that their selfishness was more important to them then the wife and children they had. They were LUCKY to have an ounce of the love of my heart. He not only destroyed my dreams of a family he crushed our children's lives. Now they come from a broken home. Now they get to go to therapy to deal with all the shit that they've learned from watching Narcboy strut his stuff. There was no consideration for anything but his penis and ego. I want to call him the devil but he's more like swine.
Sep 20 - 5AM (Reply to #6)
freaked
freaked's picture

i am beginning to believe

i am beginning to believe that even devils, demons, and swine have at least a modicum of decency. Narcs don't have even that. my NH destroyed my life completely. Now there is truly no hope left. He also ruined our child's psyche and life as much as he ruined me. Lillymarch...I feel so exhausted today i feel like a goldfish in a glassbowl..forced to survive in water which is dirty beyond living standard...and no escape. if a goldfish jumped out of the bowl it would not survive beyond few moments or else it would be eaten up by some cat.
Sep 20 - 5AM (Reply to #5)
Jelickuk
Jelickuk's picture

seems we have had similar

seems we have had similar experience lillymarch My children are shattered and I can't make it better for them. How old are your children