Gravity - Update

Over a month ago I posted on this forum seeking advice after an incident occurred with my expsychopath (if you can even call him an ex..) I wanted to update you all on my progress since I know many of you were wondering and I haven't posted since. I had been waiting until I actually had some GOOD news to share with all of you.

When I posted, I originally thought the post was too long for that many people to read and I was hoping to get a couple comments at MOST. The response I got was so overwhelming that I knew something HAD to be done. I spoke with Goldie on the phone and together we decided that telling my parents was probably the first step in ending this toxic relationship. I'm 22 years old and live with my parents, so I knew that once I told my parents, the relationship was over.. they would never let me have a future with him or even let him NEAR our house after they found out what he did.

Immediately after getting off the phone with Goldie.. I told my mom through tears what happened. I didn't even give myself time to change my mind. My mom was incredibly supportive as she had an abusive boyfriend in high school and understood completely how wackjobs can be. We discussed all of our options, and I spoke in depth with a friend of mine who is an advocate at a domestic violence shelter.

Despite his bizarre talks about killing, I know him well and know how fearful he is of authority/his mask being ripped off. As per suggestion of my advocate friend, I decided getting the police involved would have been a long and strenuous process. As my friend put it: "I know how the law works and unfortunately it's a long expensive drawn out process to press charges, it may last over a year and I want to see you get on with your life. Gravity, you know I wanna see him go to hell, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU GOING WITH HIM.. " I took this advice to heart, and I agreed.

My dad called him and left him a message on his answering machine pretty much telling him he knew what he did and to back off and not to contact me or we would have to take things further.

After my dad left him the voicemail, i received about a 4 page text profusely apologizing, saying that he never realized that I had "objected that much" to what went on and if he had known he would have stopped. He even went so far as to claim that he "didn't even like being in control in bed.. it actually made him feel awkward.. he thought thats what I liked and he was trying to make ME HAPPY." ha.ha. typical blameshift, right?

When I told him I wasn't interested in reconciling he tried guilt trips.. and I've got to admit.. just like the rest of em.. his hoover maneuver was pretty damn convincing for a while. I'm a social work major and I received texts the next night about how "there was a troubled 5 year old at his work who kept acting out and requested that he have alone time with the exP specifically because he only felt comfortable with him and no one else." He told me that he had to mentor the little boy. He went on to describe the "immense amount of pressure on him because he just WASNT a social worker and didn't know what to do." How convenient. He also tried a guilt trip about mourning the death of his dog who's death anniversary was a year ago in september (I love my dog and he knows this)

Good thing I know EXACTLY what a hoover maneuver looks like. I did not buy a single word of it.

He goes to the same college as me.. and I had originally thought of dropping out so I wouldn't run into him. I decided to continue on with my studies and not let him ruin my life. On the first day of classes I was feeling good.. ready to face the day. I live about 45 minutes from campus and he lives in an entirely different town than me in a different direction. About 20 minutes into the drive, I took a right on red. I realized the car waiting at the light to my left was HIS CAR. He caught up to me and consequently was the car directly behind me for the remainder of our 25 minute ride. VERY VERY strange because there are thousands of students at our university and everyone has different class times. I don't know how he could've known where i'd be so i'm sure it was a coincidence but jarring none-the-less. I parked at a friends apartment instead of the commuter lot and did not see him again.

A week ago I received a text saying that he had been in the hospital. First he said it was because he was dehydrated.. then he claimed he was "mentally and physically exhausted and his body was so overworked that it started going crazy." He claimed he was depressed. The story made NO freakin sense and I know he made up the whole thing for sympathy. Overworked!? He goes to school 3 days a week and works 2:30 - 5:30 the other 2 days. Wtf.. he's almost 25. When I told him I did not believe a WORD of his story.. he went on to explain that "being in the hospital was triggering for him because in high school he had a tumor and being hooked up to all of those machines was extremely upsetting and I wasn't an understanding or compassionate and did not care about him." I told him I still didn't buy it.

He then tells me that he "NEVER wants to talk to me again EVER, and he's sick and tired of me accusing him of lying and making him feel terrible and that I was HALF THE REASON he was so stressed and in the hospital."

LOL. I didn't respond. I've been NC for exactly a week today and I have not seen him since August 6th besides the time he was in the car behind me. I am DONE DONE DONE with him. And I really mean that. I understand how NC works, and I know that any speaking to him is dangerous. Very very interesting to witness how they all do the same thing.. the games the play.. how they prey on your weaknesses. He played on mine.. my sympathetic nature, my DOG, and my future career.

I wanted to thank you all SO SO much for your support. Thank you for your brutal honesty. Thank you for putting up with me while I made progress and then jumped back 20 miles. Without this forum I don't think I ever would have had the strength to stand up to him and he could have hurt me again. Thank you for helping me to understand how an N/P thinks and text book what they will do.

Thanks again..especially to Goldie and Hunter. Goldie for talking to me on the phone.. and Hunter as always for your dedication to truth. I am going to continue to post here during this recovery which I have learned is NOT easy. Especially when they tell you things you don't want to hear. Bare with me.. but I'm really doing it this time. Here I go..