I feel like I'm going around in circles
I feel like I'm going around in circles
I'm 5 months n/c. I feel like I've made progress, but lately I feel like I'm on the same, big circle, going past the same scenery. WTH? I'm stuck, and I need some help. Some of you know the basic gist of my story. I moved to be with ExN/P, after being LD and going to meet him once, and:
-Starts out AWESOME of course! Amazing Idealization Phase (lovebombing/flattery, I love you, and marriage proposal after 3 weeks. He writes music! Kind of a rock-type dude, VERY sexual).
-I live with him, but he's gone most of the time for work. I start seeing red flags, but he was verbally abusive even LD.
Can't seem to get close inimately. Everytime something came up, and I tried, phone hangups, ST, and names.
-Spend a month 24/7 with him for work, his "agenda" for us. Mask slipping. Calling him out on his treatment. D&D accelerates. Starts breaking up (threatened all the time before). Starts threats, getting scary, making me a scapegoat, "crazy" etc.
-Go back to his place (our place at the time). He tells me to pack up. He leaves for work again (for 1 week). I move out of state, but he was hoovering with phone calls for 1 week (no messages except first call). I didn't see all his calls bc my phone was on the blink. Don't know what he wanted.
-1 week later, he finds out I've gone. There has been no more phone calls, etc since.
Ironically, I find out after moving how disordered he is, NPD-P, etc, not just an abuser. Ok, that means my decision to move was right on. Check. Also, I live in a beautiful area, close to the ocean. Where he lives is nowhere near as nice, bad weather, drab scenery, lots of dirt and dust, fires (I think part of why he doesn't try to call is bc he knows I'm not going to go back to that!). Now that I know he is PD, that SHOULD make it even more final to me. I know how bad he was, know WHAT he is, know he can't change, and I live in a place no sane person would move from to there (I was in a different city before), so why am I still sad and struggling with n/c, hoping he'll call?! It's like I'm on this circle...oh there's "D&D Lookout Point" for the 75th time! How do I get off? I could use some advice please. I've always been level-headed, but I'm stuck. Any and all advice is appreciated. xx
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OMGosh...i too am in cali and had a similiar experience
newtothis, really? That is strange, but then what is
Hugs back at cha caligirl!
newtothis, thanks, what part of cali you in?
lol....i was with him 8 months caligirl
It's really hard to explain,
Deidre, thank you, girl! I was thinking back
Same here, same circles... But
Wow...super analytical
Winter and JM, thank you
Caligirl
Winter, thank you so much for this!
Wish I had some great advice
Heart and Head
Juliamarie, this is so true!
This is great advice
juliamarie, that was great advice. Thank you!
moving
lilliandiane, thank you