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Thinking of contacting. Help?

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#1 Sep 12 - 6AM
Wiser_happier_h...
Wiser_happier_healthier's picture

Thinking of contacting. Help?

I feel an overwhelming need to contact him tonight.
The last contact was him dropping my shoes off a month ago (I had asked him four months earlier).
The D&D was five months ago. Three days of an unanswered call and I decided I had to finish it finally (after four years of on and off...grand gestures to get my back). I tried calling him one last time and when he didn't respond, I sent him a text saying, "I don't want to do this anymore, it's not what I want, we can't be together so it's best we're nothing". No response.
A few days later when I realised he had my $1,500 favourite boots at his house I sent him a text: Can you please drop/courier my shoes to XX work address, between 9-5. Thanks".
No response.
Then two weeks later I ran into him at a gallery opening. We were stuck in a doorway as it was so crowded and I was a little drunk and we hugged each other and I at that moment I felt completely unaffected so I said: Hi! You're looking well (I can't believe I said that). He just looked at me with big wide eyes not knowing what to say. Then I put my hand on his chest and said "you're in big trouble" half joking (WHAT was I thinking?!). And then a friend of his walked by and innocently interrupted, so I said bye, turned around and left. That was the last time I saw him. I still hate myself for being "normal" with him in that moment. I wish I had of just smiled and walked by or just completely ignored him.

Then, four weeks ago, (four months later) he drops my shoes to my work with a lame note that I posted a few weeks ago.

The question I keep asking myself now is: Do I need to say thank you? Do I need to acknowledge him dropping my shoes to my work? By not saying thank you, am I lowering myself to his level? Do I become a shitty person if I don't respond? I'm confused.

Help?

Sep 15 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Of course your confused!

Of course your confused! Sounds to me like he's doing a good job of confusing you! Look, any normal person responds to calls or text he doesn't give a shit about you, sorry he doesn't ! He's on a mission to play head games!! That what he loves.. Do you want to be a pawn in the game?? If the answer is yes , pick up the phone and fuel the psychopath! A year later, I still walk and think what SOB my narc is! He used me for his needs, never once caring about mine! I remember calling hysterical crying, I miss u, and you won't tell me what's wrong, his response " I can't talk now" who does that?? I tell you a complete cold heartless BASTARD!! So if you like feeling pain pick up the phone and call! Hunter
Sep 15 - 9AM
KeshaN
KeshaN's picture

You do not owe him a thank

You do not owe him a thank you or anything. It sounds like you are making up excuses to yourself to contact him. Don't do that. I feel the same way. Sometimes i just want to contact him and I think my mind naturally thinks up excuses to do so. But they are very smart and can tell when this is your intentions. Just leave him alone and the next time you see him don't even look at him. He treated you badly but you feel bad for not saying thank you to him for dropping off your boots that you had asked for weeks ago?
Sep 12 - 9AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Please dont contact him to

Please dont contact him to thank him or for anything else. You will not be a shitty person by not agnowledging him. I am learning that myself. When he would write to ask about my brothers health, how could I not respond? It would be rude not to. Well, I can't and won't do that any more. He can ask away at this point, he knows where my weakness lies now......... I owe him nothing, you owe him nothing. Do not contact! Stay strong! I know how hard it is, sometimes it's not difficult at all, other times, it is over whelmingly difficult. This too will pass. Good luck!
Sep 12 - 6AM
Used
Used's picture

wiser-happier-healthier

no, they were your boots, why do you have to say thankyou?...that will be getting in touch with him again..then you will be on the merry-go-round again...its done..as for seeing and talking to him when you were out...it doesnt matter now its done.. the fact he still hasent kept them any longer and has now given them back,to means he is not bothered..narcs usually keep hold of things..they feel in control then, also as this was 4 weeks ago...he will think you are getting in touch b/c you are still interested?...
Sep 12 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Wiser_happier_h...
Wiser_happier_healthier's picture

Used

True. I guess it depends on how it's worded but you're right, if I didn't contact at the time then now it just looks like i'm trying to use the thank you as an ulterior motive. It's SO HARD!!! It feels like since he dropped the shoes off I've started the process again. I just thought he would use the shoes as a grand gesture again and I would at least have the satisfaction of him trying again like I meant something! Argh! Thanks Used xx
Sep 12 - 6AM
adoette
adoette's picture

Wiser

The question I keep asking myself now is: Do I need to say thank you? NO Do I need to acknowledge him dropping my shoes to my work? NO By not saying thank you, am I lowering myself to his level? NO Do I become a shitty person if I don't respond? I'm confused. NO Just. Don't. Do. It. You know not to. You just need to see it in print. Be strong. You will TOTALLY regret it if you contact him. There's no good outcome from it. Hang in there. We've all been there. (((hugs))) Adoette
Sep 12 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
Wiser_happier_h...
Wiser_happier_healthier's picture

(((hugs))) back at you

Thanks Adoette. I'm still constantly thinking of how he perceives things, how he would perceive me not responding. It makes more of an impact not responding, doesn't it? Why did he hold on to the shoes for four months and then suddenly one Friday afternoon, conveniently right before the weekend personally come in and drop off my shoes. It just sucks.
Sep 14 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
adoette
adoette's picture

Wiser

Oh, yes. That is what I keep reminding myself. It makes more of an impact not responding, fer sure! And as far as why he waited 4 months...who the h*ll knows. They be crazy. It does suck. I have one question that haunts me that I would love to ask him. But I just have to keep letting that go and live with the unknowing.