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Snubbed on birthday

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#1 Sep 11 - 6PM
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Snubbed on birthday

Okay, I know I'm not supposed to care, but he didn't acknowledge my birthday this time around. Even in the worst of times (other woman, terrible fall-out, and all of this AT THE SAME WORKPLACE), we wished each other a happy birthday.

It has triggered me, though I have been doing a lot better lately. I have been distant with him, doing "my thing," so I guess it's payback now to ignore my day. But it has upset me. Can anyone relate?

Sep 12 - 6PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

What about HIS birthday?

Narcs who celebrate their own birthdays strike me as.... normal. But the ex-Psych prof would NOT celebrate his birthday. Whenever I wished him a happy birthday, he'd angrily snarl at me, talk about getting older, getting closer to death. He liked the fact that his birthday (September 14) was the day that Napoleon set fire to Moscow, that St. Francis received the stigmata (wounds of Christ) and that John Harvard (the founder of said university) died that day. He always associated his birthday with disaster. He was 3 months old when JFK was assassinated... and his twins were 5 months old when 9/11 happened. He never really enjoyed his birthday. I'll celebrate my birthday with my family... for me, it's not a BIG DEAL, but it's no reason to be ungrateful and throwing fits.
Sep 12 - 4PM
peacelily76
peacelily76's picture

This is a good birthday present!

Destiny does funny things doesn't it? We cannot change our path I don't think but sometimes life does something that we perceive as a hurt or a misdeed but as Hunter says, let's turn this situation around and see it from the other side. Your narc didn't wish you happy birthday. This is a gift of the highest order. Why? Because life is trying to create space for you to breathe. Life quietly does things that we must also quietly acknowledge and accept. This is life giving you a mini blessing and a chance at freedom. Work through this. Stay strong, keep looking towards the future and more events will shape you, hopefully all positive, life-changing ones. Work with the destiny you are receiving, don't fight it. I wish you a very happy year ahead. Celebrate your strength and all you have achieved! You deserve happiness and it will come to you. Just be strong and beautiful and know when to draw the line to protect your destiny! xx
Sep 13 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Thank you

Thank you--this is heartening.
Sep 13 - 2PM (Reply to #11)
peacelily76
peacelily76's picture

Someone, something is looking after you...

Looks like you have a fairy godmother keeping an eye on you. Have you read Eat, Pray, Love? It's a great book. It's very funny too. In Balinese culture, each person has three spirit brothers who protect them. The Balinese believe these spirits are with us every second of our life. So there are ultimately four people; you and your brothers. Your brothers do things to keep you safe, they lead you to places you need to go and steer you to people you need to meet in order to live and learn until you are strong and wise. The Balinese talk to their brothers and even celebrate their birthdays. I find this idea very comforting. Perhaps every one of us has a spirit protecting us and if that's the case, life isn't so lonely and perhaps we'll be alright in the end. So, let your fairy godmother do her thing! xxx
Sep 13 - 9PM (Reply to #12)
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Trying to feel good about the freedom

Yes, I guess his retreat from me is liberating. But part of me feels bereft, and to add to it, he's suddenly stopped coming by my desk as often. I think that when my special day came around, it was his turn to flout me, just as I have been pulling back from him him the last year or so. Plus, I didn't recognize his latest award (he's a kiss-ass at work and I can't stand it that he gets these prizes), and I think he's bitter. So,I guess he's giving me "what I want," which is to be ships in the night, passing. Nothing special between us anymore--no personal questions or topics. Today there wasn't even a "hi." I have wanted to keep my distance from him all these months. But when it comes down to it, and he retreats from me, it's hard. Somehow the "freedom" doesn't feel entirely comforting. When I remember how he lied to and manipulated me and was emotionally abusive all along, the distance seems right. It's a fight within myself right now to accept this and the finality it seems to be bringing....
Sep 11 - 8PM
dabussard
dabussard's picture

Rinalda

My N did not acknowledge my birthday either... It depressed me to... I was spinning for well over a week too...But, Hunter is right, It would have gotten you pulled back in yet again... Try to keep doing what you have been doing and be happy without your Narc...
Sep 11 - 6PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

And if he acknowledged your

No Happy Birthday? Sounds like a perfect gift to me. And if he acknowledged your birthday?? Then what? It stars all over again! Happy Birthday! Go out and celebrate narc free! Hunter
Sep 11 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Glass is half full?

Thank you, Hunter. I see what you mean about looking at it differently. It does give me "freedom" in an way.... I have to get into that mindset. This caught me off guard, though perhaps it shouldn't, since I've been snubbing him and not recognizing his "achievements" at work like everyone else does. Easier to snub than be snubbed but I guess it puts distance between us, and that is ultimately better...
Sep 11 - 7PM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Exactly, My narc wished me

Exactly, My narc wished me Happy Birthday after 20 yrs of NC it was his plan to get me, on New years Eve at midnight on the dot, I got "Happy New Year" The following year,I got nothing! I got nothing because I meant nothing! :( How ever like you said I will never give him anything negative or positive again. Back at you Asshole!!! Hunter
Sep 11 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

Still seems confusing

It sounds yours was playing games--the push/pull stuff. That's what almost every interaction with mine seems to be be. It's such crap. But I feel a bit confused right now. He had said "hi" to me the last time I saw him before my birthday--he didn't seem angry or punishing. I guess that's partly why I expected a birthday message. He's still acknowledging me every day. However, I am coming and going from the office more confidently than before. He gave me a sour look recently, the day after I left on a call for the afternoon and didn't say goodbye. My mind is way too focused on what he is doing, I'm sure.
Sep 12 - 8AM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

He's behavior displays the

He's behavior displays the insanity! Look at it this way, look how mixed up his behavior is. They are not normal! Imagine living in their head, it's scary. They live moment to moment, they can not function, in a way, its sad. But that said... Not my problem or yours! Happy Monday Hunter
Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
Rinalda
Rinalda's picture

True

Thank you, Hunter. This helps. They certainly behave erratically and have these Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shifts. And lurking beneath it all is the madman. It seems directly relatable to how in control and powerful they feel and how well you are "behaving" and treating them. No, not our problem....
Sep 12 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

Its all about control, all about him

I was living with my Narc, he took me away to New Orleans for 3 days for my b'day and on the day, he never said a word to me!! I got wishes from all my friends and family and all I got was an unwrapped gift thrown at me before heading out to dinner, no card, nothing. Sick mother f'er. When I said something to him at the airport that morning, he said, "I was going to say it later on when we were alone" WTF??? Its all about control, its all about them!