Aggression????? .

11 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 12 - 2AM

Anabelle

Aggression????? .

It's about being aggressive. I am SO aggressive when the topic of exN comes up or I remember things, that it's unreal. Inside me I killed all of them...I am a psycho...

I was never an aggressive person, in fact, I never knew how to handle it even when I saw some aggressive acts... but now, I get angry on this topic and I want to harm those mean people, they were involved, physically. Just go and bit them up.... I would never do it, but I feel I the need to do so. ... if I would meet him or one of his troublemaker female shit friends today... I couldn't control my aggression. I would just go to the other side of the street and bit them up. Without a word. I have some sentences in my head they told me and I am ready to attack....

I am doing well. A bit on waves, but really it's good. I miss him. True. He doesn't hoover, happy with OW, I am not bothered. I am out of the picture- at least for now. All good.

Please, I need some advice. Thank you.

#2 Sep 12 - 8AM

Hunter

Since you are aware of this

Since you are aware of this behavior, you need to step back a minute and adjust the behavior! It's normal, stay the course! They call me Hurricane Hunter, yikes!! Hunter

#3 Sep 12 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

Anabelle

Hunter one more thing

If I see them next time I won't step back... that's gonna be the nastiest verbal-pscho abuse to the ground.

#4 Sep 12 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

Anabelle

Hey HUNTER :)

I knew something constructive will come from the hurricane side on this matter :) Thank you. Actually I am sitting at the Uni library, and I couldn't help on this... looked it up... Well, well, well.... Aggression comes from anger, anger comes from frustration... what a surprise.... But to turn anger into aggression you need a little extra: a noxius stimuli... Something that makes you turn your anger into an attack. " Attack involves the delivery of noxious stimuli to the victim. the reinforcement being the victim's pain or the acquisition of a reinforcer." Aggression is always a consequence of a denied frustration. Which means you are angry of those people and you have never had the chance to express your frustration. But since you understood the source of you frustration, now you look for the other aspects as well, outside sources, they might have had a part in your painful experience. They are symbols of your pain and emotion: betrayal, judgements, etc.... And once you think of them, these painful emotions come up and you link these people to those experiences, and so in your eyes and therefore they are the noxius stimulis... You want to pay it back.. because they caused so much pain, they should suffer as well.... I hope I understood it well... Maybe a little more advanced insight from Lisa's team? Thank you :)

#5 Sep 12 - 3AM

freaked

all of us victims are suffering ditto

Anabelle, I understand how you are feeling. I am in pretty much the same situation. I am still married to the Narc. Discovered the truth about him barely few months ago. Prior to that I would tear my hair in frustration...because whatever I do/talk/think was not right according to him. There was always an OW who is idealised. I was always told that i am naive, foolish, too trusting, silly...long list of negative attributes which nobody seems to have observed in me before i married this raving Narc. Like you, i too am Enraged, Livid, Furious, Helpless...hardly can describe my ANGRIES in so many words. It feels to me I am hammering my fists on a stone cold granite wall. I know NC is the best solution...but for some victims like me, it is very difficult to walk out some of us have serious constraints which cannot be waived away. I hope someday I will be delivered from this evil. This is a Horror story. I can assure you, when i see the NH, I am reminded powerfully of Terminator. He is a robotic, ruthless, raving maniac. HUGS dear girl. What is mind boggling is... the similarity in narc behaviour across continents.. it's weird. And then there is the similarity of PSTD in the victim/survivor.

#6 Sep 12 - 3AM (Reply to #2)

Anabelle

I know

I am so sorry to hear you can't go away.... IT's hard... Day by day I realize more and more OW... never mind... and i was also tearing my hair...one of the most painful moments we had together with N.... I lost it... completely... And of course he blamed ME afterwards, because I couldn't help and told him fuck off.... I realize that he wanted to provoke me to hit him as well.... such a mean and horrible person.....and he was standing there watching me like you watch an piece of art in the museum... Sad... But I need to do something with this. I am not angry. I am AGGRESSIVE. Not the same, I think. I carry this great aggression inside and I don't know what to do... confused about this.

#7 Sep 12 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

peacelily76

You're allowed to feel this way!!!

Annabelle, this is your spirit fighting back. As you gain more consciousness, your emotions are becoming stronger. They are pushing the narc out of your body, your space, your aura, everything! You are sweating out that narc and boy is it messy!! But......... These feelings will eventually subside. There is nothing wrong with the feelings of anger and aggression; it's what we do with them that counts!! So....... How can you channel your anger into something positive? How about writing the letter you will never send. Get it all down on paper, everything! Write about it till you are plain bored of it. Get it all out! Paint a picture, stab a marrow, anything! Go to the gym and wreak havoc on a punch bag, thinking the punch bag is your narc ex. Do it!! Don't let it fester! If you do write anything, never, ever send it. Keep you writing for a while to remind you of all the reasons you walked then, when you are ready, burn it, bury it, compost it, whatever. I also really recommend acupuncture for healing your heart. I had three treatments to mend my heart and they were some of the most emotional experiences I have had in a long time. During the first session, I found the old me, hugged her and told her everything was going to be just fine. I forgave myself. You have to forgive yourself too. Be kind to yourself. You matter. Your anger matters. Now it is time to heal yourself by looking out for you and only you. Keep talking, keep writing, keep researching until you are so bored of this subject, you really couldn't give two hoots. Then you will know you are at peace. Love xxx

#8 Sep 12 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

Anabelle

Yes Peacelily76

Signed up for boxing at the UNi today I have no idea why or how did I ended up at the club... it just seemed like a good idea... Will tell you how it went.... Thank you for this great answer. I truly appreciate your kind words...

#9 Sep 12 - 4PM (Reply to #6)

peacelily76

Go girl! Your destiny is calling!

Well isn't that spooky that you just ended up at the gym and went for it? Do it!! Life is trying to get you back on your path! I will wait to hear how your first session went. You are going to be fighting fit and fit as Wonderwoman!! xx

#10 Sep 12 - 5PM (Reply to #7)

Anabelle

Yeah, I became wonderwoman

Yeah, I became wonderwoman after I understood mirroring yesterday... :) It is spooky, but I am excited... never did such thing before.... Everyone was very serious and cool there... feel kind of stressed about it with my still curvy body... but we will see :))))

#11 Sep 12 - 4AM (Reply to #3)

freaked

I will search for more

I will search for more information on how we can handle this problem. Me too had the same issue...but nowadays I walk about like a zombie.

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