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Why Today??

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#1 Oct 23 - 1PM
LAex
LAex's picture

Why Today??

Today, I just "had" to check to see if the ex who is a marine and is an N and lives 1000's miles away is still seeing the woman in the city that I live. Why care? Why know? Usually I can talk myself out of checking by reading this site, reading other sites or just staying busy. Today, though, I check. And the answer is, yes. So the terrible, destructive thought process is maybe he cares for her? Maybe I am not pretty enough? I hate these feelings and then it is "WHY DO THIS TO MYSELF?" I know he is still on dating websites. I know he is sadistic. I know that he loves to cause pain. I know that he is a liar. WHY CARE? WHY SPEND ENERGY on this? I am not on the ledge and I will have myself back to a better place shortly but the pit in my stomach is strong right now. Why choose a woman in my city? I know it is to hurt and it did - why is she still with him?

Okay, I am ranting. I have read the answers to these questions on this site. Just feel yucky.

Oct 24 - 5AM
time_to_move_on
time_to_move_on's picture

put something in place

When I recently wanted to unblock my ex I came on here, and Barbara soon gave me a reality check so I didn't do it. You need to act before the NC happens, as 4joys says have a gameplan. I come on here to get info re. NC and also the blog gettingpastyourpast, as they have sections on it, and members give you advice. Sometimes, I want to contact my ex so badly it's as if my skin is crawling, but I now have plans in place to combat that, or come on here or the other blog if needed before I do it.
Oct 24 - 5AM (Reply to #6)
time_to_move_on
time_to_move_on's picture

meant to add..

I once spent 20 minutes trying to see if my ex was still a friend on his new gfs/pseudo friend/whatever facebook. He wasn't, I then went away in a blissful haze as I thought they'd had a row/he'd dumped her. An hour later it dawned on me that I couldn't see him as I'd blocked him from facebook. Their friendship was confirmed further when I saw them together a couple of weeks later. The whole thing hurt. Can't do that again.
Oct 24 - 12AM
LAex
LAex's picture

Better...and thank you. You

Better...and thank you. You are right it is because I acted - when I had been so good about NOT. Then the questions of "why" come up which never lead to anything positive. So though I know I am not at ground zero; I also know that the many months of NC mean more months of NC (GOOD), continue therapy (GREAT) and keep great people around me.
Oct 23 - 10PM
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Why today? Because you acted

Why today? Because you acted on it today. Curiosity is hard to resist, but if you are serious about getting better, then you really need a game plan. Asking yourself questions like if you're pretty enough is of no consequence. Keep working on not doing things like this. It only upsets you and you hand your power right over to him.
Oct 23 - 1PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why

"Why"...will just make you crazy. Learning to accept he's very disturbed and flawed will keep you sane and help you move forward with your own life, and eventually make you glad he's someone else's problem.
Oct 23 - 1PM
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

I'm sorry curiosity got the

I'm sorry curiosity got the better of you.