I like this, I am too hoping to stay here. I have been taking care of myself and happy with NC, I now have released the worst stress of my life -- his infidelity.
I guess seeing him reminds me of how I was easily replaced and sometimes wonder if maybe I'm just not the one and the OW is.... or maybe my reactions just stem from my insecurities of how things went down in this relationship. Maybe it is a normal reaction of being replaced w OW...
I too have wondered this often. And sometimes I actually convince myself that he has done the huge transformation and is this wonderful man now. But then I just have to remind myself the following things:
1. He has been married 3 times, all ended because of affairs (his)
2. He is addicted to porn, never sought help for it
3. He is a psychopath/narc
4. He lies
5. He lies
6. He lies
7. He lies
8. He lies
9. He lies
10. He lies
11. He lies
They have now been together 1 year, that is if they are still together not sure since I went NC last October and have cut him out like cancer, so this first year is all great and new but by now his eye and mind is roaming. Wont be too long.
Remember, the past is a good indication of the future. They don't change. Not ever.
Joy2me
You know joy, the girl before me, he replaced with me, and the girl before her, he replaced with the girl before me. That is as far is I know. All I know is all his exes had overlapped each other, there was no down time of GFs.. always someone replacing someone else.
This just sucks, he is the father of my daughter. Now he gets skanky women and my daughter has to deal with his choices.
NC with childeren is hard, our daughter turned 18 last year so that gave me the opportunity to step aside. If she wants to see she can if she doesn't she doesn't have too. As for me I no longer in the middle, I no longer have a court order stating I must let him see her.
She was much wiser than me, she figured out he was sick long before I did, she never wanted to see him the year before her 18th birthday I filed for divorce. I had to pretty much force her to spend time with him. But once she turned 18 I let it go and she apparently has embraced NC just like me. He was already playing his mind games with her also.
So yes it sucks when you have kids, I worry to this day what damaged he did to them that may show up later in them. I try real hard to educate them on what happened and why. I hope by keeping open like that it will help them undo any damage he did to them.
Joy2me
Unfortunately, these guys will continue the same patterns. It's all about them. When the OW doesn't worship the ground he walks on, he will start looking for other NS.
I was sort of was the OW....and I can assure you, he had other women lined up the entire time we were together. Maybe he wasn't acting on it, but he had a back up waiting for the day I realized that he was a sick, sad person unable to love anyone. It's just who they are.
Once the mask comes off with OW, the N starts scouting...it's what they do.
Nope.
If I read that right, he maintained other women when he was with you. The difference is now you're not together - which is why he's treating you differently. If he doesn't already, he'll soon need the thrill of chasing down new supply.
Cheater cheater cheater cheater...
He can't change his spots.
I know it's crazy but somehow him still interested in me means he does not really want to be with the OW, even if Im just going to reject him anyway. I just hate it if he actually became faithful to her and not to me. She is a skanky woman who made it a point that my N and I broke up so she can have him, even knowing we have a child together. In a way, Im thankful she stole him, it just means no one is cheating on me anymore. But it would still suck if he actually took her seriously......what a slap in my face... but then again, he had been slapping me for a long time now anyway.
I too have wondered this often. And sometimes I actually convince myself that he has done the huge transformation and is this wonderful man now. But then I just have to remind myself the following things:
1. He has been married 3 times, all ended because of affairs (his)
2. He is addicted to porn, never sought help for it
3. He is a psychopath/narc
4. He lies
5. He lies
6. He lies
7. He lies
8. He lies
9. He lies
10. He lies
11. He lies
They have now been together 1 year, that is if they are still together not sure since I went NC last October and have cut him out like cancer, so this first year is all great and new but by now his eye and mind is roaming. Wont be too long.
Remember, the past is a good indication of the future. They don't change. Not ever.
Joy2me
Hoping to stay here too
Faithful to OW
His other exs
NC with childeren
Only a matter of time...
Nope. If I read that right,
I know it's crazy..
Faithful to OW