Fall is upon us

24 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 6 - 3PM

Happy1

Fall is upon us

I told Hunter yesterday that Michael started moving into my home over Labor Day weekend last year. The Fall time is full of memories of us moving him in and our boys all excited to be living together. I remember walking around trick-or-treating with Michael and his ex-wife and the boys on Halloween. I remember having his ex-wife over for Thanksgiving and how awful that day was. I remember him proposing to me right before Halloween and I remember him cheating on me right after and then my ex-husband helping to move him out of my house. All this within a few months.
I think of all this and it truly feels like all this happened YESTERDAY....Not last year! How is this possible? I'm keeping his memory alive? I hate him most of the time. I have no idea why this feels like yesterday. It is a little chilly here and OMG it has freaked me out! I didn't want to be in my house over the Summer because of Michael and now I want to run away from my home because of the memories. I hate this time of year and I normally love it. I know I should embrace that I'm not with him. My heart is the last thing to change. Change your habits and the heart will eventually follow I guess. It's sooo freaken hard!!!

#2 Sep 7 - 1AM

58 and going strong

Part of fall melancholy may

Part of fall melancholy may also be due to the change of light and the days getting shorter again. And the holidays coming soon now, and weren't we all told that's the time when families are together. . . Creates high risk for depressive moods. Most inexpensive couter method is SMILE! SMILE! SMILE! For those gazillion little muscles around the human mouth do trigger the release of those nice 'feel-good-hormones' . . . Try it, it does work!

#3 Sep 7 - 4AM (Reply to #21)

Happy1

I agree to smile. It's just

I agree to smile. It's just hard to sleep once again. He haunts me. I net him in September also. I know people have health problems that are so much worse than this, so I feel very bad for still feeling.

#4 Sep 7 - 8AM (Reply to #22)

58 and going strong

Happy, I feel so much with

Happy, I feel so much with you. Had a time when I was down to 2 hours sleep a night . . . And there were moments when I dragged myself even deeper with sad/melancholy music on top of my memories. No self-esteem left in the end. Do you have a therapist? And/or any kind of meditation CDs that could help you relax when you go to bed? It is so awful when the brain does not stop spinning and spinning. Other health problems that need to be taken care of? Hold on tight, it's not easy but you can do it! Sending you miles of smiles!

#5 Sep 7 - 8AM (Reply to #23)

Happy1

58 and going strong

Im not sure of any other health problems. I am just stressed I guess and very frustrated and sad. I do have a therapist but don't see her often. I can't get into her for a few weeks now. I know I need to just keep plugging along. Some days are harder than others. Work can be a distraction. :-)

#6 Sep 6 - 11PM

Arwen

Oh G-d me too...September was

Oh G-d me too...September was the month it all started. :(

#7 Sep 6 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

Susan32

What is it with September???

I met the ex-Psych prof in September, he has a September birthday (9/14)... and my final D&D went from September to approximately November/December. What's odd is that most D&Ds happen in the springtime, mating season. But I was dumped in the wintertime. His idol, Leo Tolstoy, D&D'd his wife&children in the winter as well.. dying in November 1910. I'm fortunate my sister and brother in-law have September birthdays, so not all is lost.

#8 Sep 7 - 12AM (Reply to #15)

Arwen

Good Queen Susan of Narnia,

Good Queen Susan of Narnia, shall I tell you what it is about September?...bikini season is over. Period.

#9 Sep 7 - 12AM (Reply to #16)

Susan32

You'd think they'd WANT bikinis...

That's why in MOST cases, with Ns/Ps, D&Ds happen DURING the bikini seasons of spring and summer. The ex-Psych prof D&D'd me in the autumn... and in New Mexico, it's COLD, an almost "always winter, never Christmas." He was flaunting his girlfriend as autumn became winter. Not exactly the joyful season of spring, when everything is in bloom or the summertime, when everyone gets into their swimwear. From what I have read of the ex-P's idol, Leo Tolstoy, he drove his bride Sofia to tears, on their wedding day... on September 23rd.

#10 Sep 7 - 11AM (Reply to #17)

Arwen

Susan precisely. Bikini

Susan precisely. Bikini season is the D&D season...no doubt about it.

#11 Sep 7 - 6PM (Reply to #19)

Susan32

My D&D happened in autumn...

Obviously NOT bikini season, especially NOT in New Mexico. The ex-Psych prof D&D'd me when the weather was cold, everybody was bundling up, and by the time his girlfriend arrived there was snow on the ground. (You can put a bikini on if you want, not a great idea) That's why my friends considered the ex-P a freak among Narcs,because I got dropped during autumn rather than mating season. I would go NC on him every summer. And spring break.

#12 Sep 7 - 11AM (Reply to #18)

Happy1

Heck, any season is narc

Heck, any season is narc season. 8-)

#13 Sep 6 - 8PM

rosedewittbukater

Fall

Same here. Fall is a loaded time for me too. Lots of memories and it would have been our 2 year anniversary. Eff!!

#14 Sep 7 - 5AM (Reply to #12)

Bitter-sweet

September

Met mine in September too- strange really that in autumn when the natural world is dying, we find ourselves attracted to men who are dead inside! Even writing that is making me feel better off without him.

#15 Sep 6 - 5PM

Hunter

It's time to make new

It's time to make new memories! Imagine if he would of stayed! That would be worse !!! Oktoberfest Baby!!!' Hunter

#16 Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

Happy1

Hunter

I know for sure I would not be enjoying Oktoberfest if he were still around. 8-)

#17 Sep 6 - 4PM

SoaperGirl

Fall Memories

Yes, in 3 days, I will have my first anniversary of my mastectomy, and shortly after that, when the narc started pulling away from me. I wouldn't mind if I could forget the past year. It was the best of times, and the worst of times as Charles Dickens would say.

#18 Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

Happy1

SoaperGirl

I agree! It was the best of times (in my fantasy world) and the worst of times in my reality. I know Michael is with the doctor he cheated on with me multiple times now and he's dangled her around longer than myself. I keep wondering how he has kept her longer. How is it that this DOCTOR hasn't figured him out? I'm sick of it! I'm tired of doubting myself all the time. I'm tired of thinking of him with her. I really don't like FALL now....grrrr.

#19 Sep 6 - 4PM

dabussard

Oh god I know

Happy, I could not be more on the same page as you and it sucks!!! At the final D&D in April, my N told me he would see me in November... Yesterday was a spinning day for me... These cooler days remind me of my N.. We met in November, 2010.. I am scared that I won't be strong enough when he hoovers big time... He knows that I will have most of my bills paid off in November and ready to take the family farm over... He is a farmer and to him that is the ultimate thing is to farm my farm... Plus, I have a really good job, so his cash cow will have more cash available and not tied up in debt... God, give me strength!!! Damn Jacknut anyway!!!

#20 Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #6)

Happy1

dabussard

You know what he wants from you. You don't deserve someone using you. They always have a reason for wanting each and every one of us. As soon as they're tired and bored, they discard us like a pair of old shoes. I know we all want to feel loved. I know it's hard to love ourselves, but we definitely have to keep trying.

#21 Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #4)

bakingfortherapy

dbussard....

funny..the same thing is happening to me...hoover time.. I have heard from 3 people he is looking for me in town and asking about me...I think he is still w crazy OW.. he must be getting bored...or the "fall" feeling with what little heart he has is working on him too... I hope I will keep NC and not fall prey to hovering!!!

#22 Sep 6 - 4PM (Reply to #5)

dabussard

bakingfortherapy

My N was hoovering big time in July and now he is silent... But, I know in November, he will be back full swing and I hope I can ignore him... I just keep thinking of all the ow's that I have found out about and hopefully that will keep me NC... May be both stay Narc free this fall... Jacknuts, god I hate them!!!

#23 Sep 6 - 4PM

bakingfortherapy

fall....

Happy1, I dont know the details of your story but I am in the same boat as you are.... Fall and indian summer have always, always, been my favorite time of year. I used to do so many things with my ex Narc and some with this kids...almost 9 years of great memories ...and I even hate to admit it we still did some of our fall things while he was with OW ( off/on the last 2 years) ...Didnt I have any self respect??!! Summer has ended where I live and its weird because its like someone turned a switch and now its instantly fall.... it SOO hard this time of year... We have to be strong women!! :)

#24 Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #2)

Happy1

bakingfortherapy

Agreed! I have been trying to convince myself that this won't be so hard. It is though. I will just have to keep telling myself though and hopefully my heart catches up to my head eventually. Self Respect is something we all have to work on now. I know we are all wonderful, smart and caring women that deserve respect #1!!!!

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