Not bothering with this forum anymore

I tend to get on the site at nights and sometimes I don't see all the topics or something or the other. I recommend that you post & re-post later in the day as well. If not, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE email me personally! I'm not always the best help, but I feel like having buddies on here help us to feed off each other & each other's enegeries. I've been there, when I post something & may not even get a single response--- having a buddy on here, really helps.

sometimes i don't respond when i'm where exactly the writer is, and i can't provide any good advice. but i do appreciate reading it, and will be sure to make a note from now on. sometimes, too, it just strikes a cord and is too painful to deal with. best on your path forward

Littleone--It's very difficult to have to endure what must seem like a replay of your experience with narc. Everyone on this forum should try to be uniquely sensitive to the feelings of other members. Does it make any sense for us to devote so many threads to the silent treatment and then proceed to ignore any member for whatever reason? Some members are in so much pain themselves they don't have anything to give, but those who have the emotional resources and time should make the utmost effort. I'm sorry if I haven't been more attentive. I really do try. I think it's a really good thing that you brought this to the attention of the forum. Much love, ER

Guys , it can happen that people dont reply and that can be for many reason and its not because its a personal thing for the poster . Heres what i have leant on the board , when we look and see how many reads our post its in the 100s and that is just members of the forum who have read , now , you can read the board with out being loged in and i can tell you that this year we have had 4 million hits on this board , that means for every 100 members that have read your post their are 1000s of people looking in .That means that all over the world we are helping people , when ever you write a question or make a comment or express sadness or joy that is being shared and appreciated by woman who may be stuck in a narc relationship , who are too oppressed or scared to join us . Little one it sucks not having your post replyed to and lord knows i have writen post that go off into history with no replies but if you could see the bigger picture, anything that is writen on this board there are 1000s maybe even tens of thousands who are with you in spirit . And a note to all the reader on here who are not members yet , we know your there and we are here for you , you are never alone , come and join and say hi any time you want .. Big love Scoop xxx

I post all the time...sometimes I get responses....sometimes not so much. I guess I figure if I post and no one responds, then at least I got it "out there". I always feel better when I get something off my chest. We are all struggling and moving at our own pace. Please take a deep breath and realize that we are all here for you. You may not like everything people have to say. You might get a good dose of reality when you aren't expecting it. I know I have! But, I take everyone's comment with a grain of salt and realize they are only here to help me through this tough time. Hope you hang in there with us! It would be a shame to lose you. You never know when your own very comment could be the thing that someone else needed to hear that day. Hugs.

I understand how you feel, but sometimes when we are in pain, the way many are here, our perceptions may not be accurate in that we are being ignored or not responded too. That might be a lot of Narc slime you're dealing with. I agree with Goldie on this. I ran a forum on yahoo for awhile a few years back now, and co moderate another now. It is VERY time consuming, busy and when you have other responsibilities in your life too, it can be very overwhelming. Truly, I have seen other sites that were moderated very poorly (by narcs I believe) and treated a post like yours with venom. those sites are to be COMPLETELY avoided because you can be very triggered due to PTSD very easily. Because one of the favorite N tactics is the silent treatment, ignoring of posts can often feel the same. It's good to keep this in mind. I think this site, as well as the one I help co moderate, and Love Fraud, are great sites. I don't see the moderators here as anything but caring and I know they do it because they want to help others who are in so much pain. It's VERY difficult to see day in and day out and I have to be very careful myself because, also as a moderator, it can be triggering. But most often, it is very healing. So keep posting. And thanks for bringing this to everyone's attention.

This site has saved my sanity! And it will probably help you alot too. All of us here experience varying degrees of responses to our postings. On a daily basis there are hundreds of new posts and it is difficult to respond to each and every one. As another poster stated, so many of us are in so much pain that we are just trying to get through our own hell.. but in no way does that mean that we don't care about every single person on this board. Myself, I ususally just key in on the posts that most closely mirror my own situation... so sometimes we just have to pick and choose which postings we read and or respond to. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but you really should stick around! We care about what you are going through and we do support you. Hugs Monique

oh mate. I get that tons. If I didnt post everytime I got cyber shunned I wouldnt have discovered some of the one answer poss that saved me from destruction. Just one response is a friend in the abyss of shit we travel through after these shiiter have ruined our lives. Stay here and realise its not personal. Imagine how many os us post and how may people are on line at one time. Its hit and miss who will see you post. but its about the writing it down too. Fuck them if they dont respond, its tough, snt it. I hate to write and hget nothign but I have. But I keeo comign here becasue ther is love here. We are dmanaged and need support. stay strong and keep posting. LOL x q

When a post or two is not responded to, it may feel like that post was not of importance to anyone. I went over all of your posts and noticed that some of them were responded to and some did not have as many responses. On one from a couple of weeks ago, you are thanking people for their responses. I have had posts which were not responded to by many as well. People coming on this site are in so much pain and I am sure that they are just trying to make sense of what they are going through and offer help when they can. No one is intentionally trying to exclude anyone, it just may feel this way. They may feel as though your topic was already answered, they don't know what to say, or many come on here and just read, they are not ready to post and this is fine. This is a self help site, we offer the steps for you to read and follow, we offer tons of informational links, we offer private chat, PM's, and the posts are also informational, because in reading what others have gone through we often read something which answers our questions. The moderators do not get paid for all of the hours they offer to the members. They are doing this because they too have suffered and want to give back what was given so freely to them in the beginning. In addition to answering posts we also deal with members who are suicidal, have just been raped or physically abused, are homeless due to the narc, technical site issues, and many many other things which are of a confidential nature. These are all behind the scene things which the members may not be aware of and so sometimes we are on here yet we are helping a member deal with a horric crisis which can be time consuming yet a huge part of what this site has offered to thousands of members over the past few years. Honestly, Lisa pays for all of this out of pocket with no membership dues or anything and running a site of this nature is expensive and time consuming and I believe that everyone on here does the best they can to offer support and assistance to the members. I try to post often that you are welcome to PM for free, anyone who is on here if you are having a bad day. That way you may receive a quicker response. You are also welcome to ask members for phone numbers and emails if you relate to someone and want to form an off board connection and additional support for yourself and the other member. People do this all the time on here. We all do the best we can and you have done the right thing voicing your opinion, perhaps it will help to remind some to respond to posts which they normally would just read and you are taking care of your own needs by voicing your frustration. God bless, Goldie

This happens to me more often than not, too. It is indeed very frustrating. Still, I find it really helpful to read the other posts, which is why I stick around.

That happened to me a few times (small response or no response at all to my posts) and I had to work through that. Mostly because I felt stupid, like I had not followed the site's mores or something like that. I think we've all been through that. Just part of the way things work around here. One can never tell what will get responses and what goes untouched. All I know is that in times of dire need; the beautiful, amazing, wise, spunky, empathetic, encouraging, honest people of this community have been there for me time and time again. So sorry you are not feeling supported. Leave if you must, but I really don't know where you will find better folk to walk with you through the hell of recovery. I say give us a second chance. The responses to this post confirm that the members here have abundant amounts of grace and compassion that they pour out freely and generously. That is not a gift to be taken lightly. (((hugs))) Adoette

sometimes I get lots of support on a post and sometimes very little but just posting helps me process even if the response is sparse Sometimes when I just whine and moan I don't get a good response and sometimes when I am truly freaked I get a great response When I am not feeling mentally healthy I do not respond to others because they need someone in a more positive mind space to uplift them As I grow I try to share more uplifting thoughts and understanding about this crazy experience - though I still cry a little after a year and 2 months after a visit from exN. This board is a great place whether you or up or down and if you did not get the help you needed please try again... We all feel your pain Little One

It's actually pretty cool you posted this, because at least you expressed you anger :) You could have remained silent and just feel rejected, as you might have done with your N. Congratulations :) Please don't go! It's a really cool site, - I just posted a big thank you in an other forum-. It's not just about answers. Here you have a place to share your thoughts. You can write down everything you feel like to share. People listen. Even if there might be no response. You are not alone, so please keep on sharing :) BIG HUG Annabelle

little one, I am so sorry that you are feeling like the forum isn't helping you and hope that you give it more of a chance. Some times you will find that people don't respond because maybe they themselves are at a loss for words. Sometimes, posts can be triggers for others and they are unable to respond. I am not sure, and am unable to speak for everyone else. I am sorry if you feel let down and will do my part to help in any way that I can. This is hard, for everyone, please don't feel alone................

I just one of so many member who adore this site. I wrote sometime here, and I read a lot. I didn't feel that I've been rejected or no one support me here even though sometime I post something and no one responds, yet I've learned a lot from the post that most of us wrote here. It's been 5 months after my NC and I stop caring of him, keep reading all post here really help me through the hardest days. I wish you never leave this site, I am sorry that you feel like it waste your time to stay here, but you gonna feel much better at the end, just like what i feel now. I stop caring about him, no more stalking on his social network, no more obsessed of the OW and amazing that love just end when I stop caring. Guess what? it because I stick to this site, sometime other people experience teach us how to responds to our own problem. Please don't feel you got rejection or not been supported, we care about you, that's why other woman (or man) keep posting here, we help ourselves and others :) Be strong Much love xoxo Kristina

{{{Hugs}}} Believe me, you're not the only one that has felt this way! I've thought about posting the same message myself. I think it's a good point that was made that so much of it stems from the fact that we are so Raw after the enounter(s) with the n, it seems like another kick in the gut when we don't get any responses. In my case I noticed that it seemed like every time I commented on someone elses post, it was like a death knell for that thread..lol. So I refrain from commenting. That being said, reading everone elses stories, finding other sites through the links that are posted, etc., I do believe have saved my life. I guess I just want to reiterate what has already been said.. You Are Not Alone! There are some Enormously caring and knowledgeable people here. Keep researching, keep learning. I think every little (and some not so little) AHA moment is one more step in the right direction..out of the n hell.

Hey there littleone~before you go know that I have experienced that too~and when you are feeling low it might feel like no one is hearing you but they are! I also have read many posts that have affected me deeply yet have not felt far enough along in the healing process to comment or share words of wisdom. So thank-you for sharing your frustration as this might be the first post that I have responded to as it hit a cord with me. There were a few times I posted and didn't get too many responses but the wisdom in the few words written, did help me greatly. Try to give it more time and share when you really need a response and know that you are cared for and I am sending you lots of care and support wherever you are! Stay strong and keep accessing support, whether her or somewhere else, try to stay open to the possibilities of supportive connections! xoxo , tangerine

Hi littleone I do understand and have felt similar on occasions. Maybe part of it the time difference as we are spread over the globe and maybe also the nature of what we are dealing with can vary so tremendously we can be very fragile, withdrawn, vulnerable etc etc which can affect how and what we post. For me I feel so rejected and abandoned by exnh and so betrayed and unloved, any hint of anything similar is just too painful. So for me when I haven't received replies or support it reinforces in my head that I am a piece of shit that I'm unwanted etc etc that maybe I am the disordered one and people here recognise that and stay away from me. If any one that rings true for you (it may not, just my own experience) please know it's not the truth and just the legacy of the past. Much love

I'm sorry this happened to you...I've had the same experience a number of times but, don't let it discourage you from posting. Writing in itself is healing. I've noticed that there are many new people on this site now. Could be they're doing more reading than writing. Hang in there; things will get better.

I think it has to do with the format here. I am on here every frigging chance I get maybe 4 times a day and I read and respond but I dont think I've see one of your posts. I usually look to he left of the page that lists the new topics. Then when I go through there I find the links at the bottom of a post. They have he left and right arrows on them. I notice that I miss a lot of posts by not going directly to the forum home page. Anyway, I apologize for not being there when you posted. We need to stick together here! There is so much that I have yet to say on this site. So many terrible stories that I'd love to get feedback on. I hope you don't leave. You've been very supportive to others.

Hi Littleone, I'm sorry you've not had responses - I just checked back through the posts and remember that I read what I think was your last post. I will go back to that in a minute and answer it there. I just wanted to say that sometimes I read people's posts and empathize greatly - feel deeply for them and the trauma (and sometimes freedom/awakening) they are experiencing... but I don't always feel like I can help or improve on their situations. For what it is worth, I am very sorry that you are struggling with this mess from your N/P - I can see that you KNOW that he is disordered. I'm not as far removed as others here so I can't say how long it takes but I will encourage you to keep going. To stay strong and believe in your future happiness. If you still feel you must leave/not bother with the forum, please take care of yourself - arm yourself with what you KNOW to be truth about his disorder. Sending you hugs and wishes for healing xxx Mega