Big setback

Omg!! I just found out my ex N has a new girlfriend. I haven't been on here for a while, but since Monday I found out that he is in a relationship with another woman and seems happy and it has crushed me all over again. I started to cry and am hurt that he treated me like crap and he is treating her O so well. In my mind any way. I'm still cleaning up the wreckage he left behind. Like I was nothing to him and I am nothing because I know the real him and don't co-sign his bull. On the other hand, we have some mutual friends that respect me more then him. However, since we broke up he showed up at a friends Diner were she works and was out to eat with another woman. WTF!!! Is he just screwing with my head since I cut him off?? Couldn't some where else to eat. Hello, respect!!! Then he was told I was dating this guy he was closed to at one point(friend cut him off too- seen thru his act). Any way a week later he shows up at the guys job and has breakfast by himself. And puts this act on by pulling out a ton of cash. Is he serious that people have time for this. And I dont; believe me, but I was doing great. Back to work, my kids, love my new home. I was happier then I have been in a long time and then this bull to get me all twisted up..... Idk, am I crazy or do Narcs just like to mess with you when they have no control or have to make themselves feel better. And he has a new GF. Has much has I'm hurt I feel bad for her because she has no clue what she got herself into unless he looses interest really quick........Its been about 3 months since we split and this is not the same has a normal break up believe me it is totally different. And I'm single recovering from his abuse........I want my life back..... I thought I was there and now I'm hurting all over again.

When my X and I divorced he married right away and I was left in a City where I had few friends. He talked visciously about me, they were together before the divorce, she also spoke badly about me and it almost destroyed my career. I felt just the way you do now. In 6 months she dumped him, the stories she spread caused her to lose her public relations job for a major university, she moved away, he moved away, and I eventually went back to my hometown where I did very well and I am now retired, and living in Central America. If I had any idea what was down the road I never would have shed a tear or wasted my time with negative emotions which can cause a lot of health problems. I know that isn't much help especially after picking up a puff piece in a magazine about them. The smiles you see from that cover are not real. Narcissists do not pick and chose their victims they victimize everyone. I don't know what happened to the second wife but my ex ended up alone, a well educated loser with nothing. You will have what you want to have. She is no more a woman and no more talented than you. You got away from that monster she is still there. Make your life day by day and step by step. You sit down and develop a plan to get something you want, a new job, new friends, join a club, a new church, you go out and find what is out there for you and the h--- with them. I wonder what will happen eventually to both of them. I can guarantee you it won't be good. For you anything and everything is possible. You think they are winners and you are a loser. She has him -you have a future! Narcissists are particularly jealous of their children so that little girl has a big problem be sad for her, don't care about them, and go for it girl!

EndingTheDance Big whammy that you're having to see it in a magazine...yuk. But really think about it, there is NO happy ending here. It's just called denial on her part, and I've been there, then one day something happens and you can't deny it, you can't keep it hidden anymore. Anyway, the money from the article will come in handy when she leaves him after she comes out of denial for her therapy bill.

Dear Jessika, Recently, I was in a grocery store in Florida and was in a pretty good mood pushing my cart along aisle #4. I looked up at the shelf of seasonings and burst into tears. I had a flashback of my XN and me cooking together and using those same spices. I had felt such love and joy with him that I never imagined it could ever change! Well, it did change...it turned into a nightmare! And here I was 2 years away from the narcissist, in a Florida grocery store, crying so severely that I could hardly breathe! I turned my face away from the other customers passing by my cart because I was so ashamed and didn't want to make them feel uncomfortable. I thought that any moment now, there would be a voice over the intercom calling for a stockboy to clean up the "mess of me" in aisle #4, like they do when something gets spilled! That thought helped me laugh a little at the situation so I could cope with the upset and finish shopping. Whether it's a seasoning or a spicy magazine cover that gut-wrenches our hearts and takes us to a place of mourning and anger and hopelessness, we must remember who we are. We are wonderful and God knows our deepest needs and has not deserted us. I truly believe that truth and it is what has kept me sane through all these months of recovery.

This would be the time to.

Are they both celebrities? Geez, those folks change partners like they change their underwear. Give it a couple of months and check that magazine again...if it was so wonderful, they would have never left each other the first time! Once a Narc always a Narc!

Jess honey, listen. Stop beating yourself up. Lieten to me- she is nothing. He is nothing. They are two nothings who only use each other. There is no love. There is no affection. There is a child who is going to grow up exactly like you did. How sad is that? Look at them- what do they really have? Wow she has a porche. Look at what she has to do and how she has to live for that - him being with other women? Is it worth it to YOU? Would you sell your soul, your happiness, your life for that? Dont you want more? Really look at you- Look at the woman that you are. YOU have people who dont even know you who are showing you love and show you love every day. You think they have that? They dont even love themselves let alone love each other. You are making crap up in your head that they are happy - truth be told you would probably be very surprised what really goes on. He hasnt changed. He cant. Its not in him to change. He is pathological. He pacifys her. She is supply. Thats all. I would bet cash money he already is doing something very ugly to her behind her back. Rest, eat - take care of YOU. We know what you are going through but know this - things are NEVER what they seem. Love ya honey.

Jessika, realize his smiles are all a lie. He is so good at acting fake. You would never know the emptiness he feels inside. He is living a very sad life. BE GLAD YOU ARE OUTTA THERE!! No need to envy the OW or the original, she means nothing to him, even though he makes it seem like he is giving her a fairy tale life. It is just what he is paying to get his 'supply' and he has no more feelings for her than what it takes for you to put your shoes on. He has no feelings, he has no love. He is a cheating machine, yuck, right!!! I know you are feeling a loss,,how about going TG I am free of his circle of lies!! I have gone through a very similar situation to you, and understand how you feel COMPLETELY. How long has it been since he flipped switches on you so to speak?

this OW is the woman BEFORE me and they got back together when he D&D me in May. He is the father of her child. They were never married. They broke up for a few years and he dated other women. One of those women was eventually me. Little did I know he dated me briefly while she was pregnant-- I didn't know it at the time, however during our relationship I did the 'math' and was astounded that he cheated on a pregnant woman. Anyway- After working me over for 7 months he convinced me to be with him. I was always suspicious of the two of them- however he always told me I was paranoid and that i needed to trust him. After a year he dumped me saying that I was "too negative and insecure" --- turns out my suspicions were right all along. He was rekindling his relationship with her while trying to get me pregnant... WTF!! Who does that!! Seeing the magazine today confirmed it. They are the little family- back together again. He was always addicted to her. Used to tell me how she was a little fighter and they would go at it intensely and how much he loved that. I used to tell him that i was calm and didn't want that in my home (screaming; throwing stuff). He went back to the one who makes him all whoozy and threw me away. She is the OW.... however also the original woman. I have spoken to my one friend (that i have left) and she was like... "well he is the father of her child... they are rebuilding their family. You were just a girlfriend. SO what??!" Perhaps she is right... but personally that comment pissed me off... so I hung up with her. She is seeing him as a normal guy wanting to put his family together. I am seeing him as a narc who promised a future with me and cheated on me and went back to her bc they have such intensity and constant drama. It hurts so much! Fine... he has moved on. I am still hurting. I was replaced by his ex and she is being idealized by the whole frigging world and it SUCKS. She is a selfish, extremely materialistic, shopaholic, DIVA. I hate them both............. however they are happy and I am sitting in my home alone and crying. I am the good girl... supposedly the normal one- however I am beginning to feel like I no longer want to fight this fight. It is pointless. I don't see that I can win it. Is God/ the Universe against me? Why did I have to see this today. Thank you all for your words............ I still hurt though!! Jess

Beautiful Jessika. You are doing exactly what I did. It is easy to look at a photo and build fantasy around how happy someone is. Everyone smiles in photos, you don't know what is really going on behind the scenes. I looked at FB photos of mine with the girlfriend, saw 2 photos of them smiling and lost it. I pictured all sorts of happiness going on in their lives while I was misreable. But not true. Everyone smiles in photos, even when they are unhappy. I know it makes you sick to have it in your face like that. But this too shall pass. You don't have to tread on eggshells anymore, be constantly belittled and discarded then reeled back and soul destroying cycle repeat. She will be in so much pain very soon. All of us get discarded - she will too. She is probably going through what we all did - the adrenalin of the high and low, the confusion, the toxic hope and it will only get worse for her. You are on a road to recovery and you know so much more than her. I know thinking of the OW hurts. So much. It still hurts me so much too I can't stand the thought of someone else with him. But with a N - that is always the case. He is probably already cheating on her with someone else there is always someone else with a N. he doesn't love her, he can't. She isn'y happy Jess and she is only going to get worse. Her discardment is coming if not already happening. This shall pass - hang in there. Love Cupcake

Okay, I gotta say I'm so sorry you had to see that, it must have been very hard for it to be right in front of you there. That sucks. That being said, when I was with my ex, I put on a happy face too for public purposes. You're thinking the ex is going to be different with another person and magically change into a good guy...IMPOSSIBLE! They are not capable of changing. Sooo, the only options here are, she's hiding her pain, she's going through a temporary happy phase because he tossed her some crumbs, or she's in total denial. Think about it, what is she going to say in an article (for image purposes) when they ask about her personal life? "OMG, MY BOYFRIEND IS AN A-HOLE!!" Doubtful. She can't avoid the question if they asked her, this may cause problems with the N. So, if she says she's sooo happy, this is good for her image and keeps her out of trouble with the N. He's obviously going to see the article. There's more going on here that meets the eye, and it's not the pretty picture portrayed.

that is the way I was two days ago, crying so damn hard I couldnt catch my breath. I read somewhere some of them have to have the most stunning, head turning partners to make them look good, dont put too much stock in that. I saw a pic too of the OW, she was cute. Because someone is beautiful Jessika does not make them immune to abuse, some of the most beautiful women I know are horribly abused by their partners and if he is a true Narcissist you can bet he wont stop abusing just because he has a beautiful woman, stop and think all the beautiful people in Hollywood, gorgeous women who are miserable, did their beauty stop their husbands from cheating? Dont let this set you back too much, when I posted a few days ago I was upset feeling so inadequate in every way with the OW, it doesnt matter Jessika what she looks like, I was prettier that his OW and did he run off with me? Did he treat me any better? Did I become the love of his life? HELL NO, bottom line is he was not healthy for you and all her looks wont change that for her either.

I had a day where my ex narc was in the papers where ever i went , it was a bad day .When i think back on that day i was in such a horrible place , it was almost like the Gods where laughing at me .I cryed like i had never cryed before , i didnt think it would ever stop and the noise i was making was a sound i had never made before . Just to let you know it does get better .On that day i thought it was all over , game over but you do climb out of it im heading to 5 months NC . It was the hardest thing i had ever had to do and hope its the hardest thing i will ever have to do . Hold on . It gets better . Peru x

Hi I'm new here and don't know your story yet but that last statement grabbed me. You CANNOT judge what is really going on in his or her life by a magazine article. I think I can make a few assumptions because you are here: Think for a moment how your life would have looked like with him if you had done a magazine spread on it. And think about the reality of what really happened behind closed doors! (HUG)