Bad Day & Need Some Validation - Please Read
Bad Day & Need Some Validation - Please Read
I had a very emotional day today, and am again questioning if this was my fault. The 3 eamils below were sent in the same day over the course of 3 hours. This was the beginning of the end. His emails got much worse after this. But he never raised his voice to me, only in his emails, and then denied that he was angry at all when he wrote these. Please tell me what you all think. I can't even read these emails without feeling sick and very sad. Thank you.
9-02-09
The email I received first thing in the morning:
thank you honey.............feeling better.............slept ok..........the "new" patch didn't do squat..........made me sleep a little erratic......
but, I'm here, ready to do it again............
I heard from E last night...........she's miserable...............scared to death............I told her I would have dinner with her when I'm down on Monday evening..........if that's ok with you................she needs a little encouragement...........and it would help my heart feel better about her..........
I hope you will understand..........and not feel insecure............you shouldn't............
I have to get ready for my meeting now...........talk soon..........love ...........d
9-2-09
My response to this email:
I am devastated.
Like you, I have my baggage, and this latest development with [E] has been devastating to me. I am feeling a pattern that has been taking shape this past few days that I have been trying to understand and rationalize without my baggage, but this latest development has really upset me as it appears to me to be part of the pattern.
It all started with the email you sent me Thursday night re all of your fears about [my son]. Then when you arrived in town, something didn't feel right to me. You were different, not as warm and loving as you have always been up until this past weekend - you just didn't feel as warm and fuzzy.
I was concerned, but tried to understand that your meds had been changed, your pain, etc. But, as I said last night, you were edgy and critical on the way to the airport. You criticized my driving, [my son}, and you dismissed my comment that I would miss you by noting very matter of factly that you were going to see me again in a few days. It came across very cold and indifferent.
I did not overreact to any of this, realizing I too was tired and edgy, but I did feel these things, I was hurt, but rationalized that you were just not feeling well.
You also left the book I left for you. That hurt a lot D. I tried to rationalize that you just forgot it, but you packed the basket. I guess I was supposed to get the hint then. But, I didn't because I didn't want to, because I trust you and I am trying to move beyond my baggage.
Now, I am very concerned. When looking at the whole picture D, it feels like you are trying to push me into starting an argument so you can bow out gracefully, guilt free, and go back to the woman you have loved for several years. I am telling you how I feel and I hope you take what I am saying as nothing more than being honest. I am so hurt right now and overflowing with "raw emotion" I can hardly think straight. Like you, I call a spade and spade. I have listened to your spades with sincerity, I only hope you will "listen" to mine the same way.
You have made it very clear to me right up to our conversation last night that [my son] is not something you can deal with on a raw emotional level which now, looking at this again, was essentially telling me you can't really deal with me because there is no me without my child.
But, like a love sick puppy, I was still believing that we could work this out because we loved each other enough to put the effort into it that is required.
The more I think about this, the more upset I am becoming. Now it appears that you wanted to cut our conversation short last night because E was trying to reach you.
You told me that E emailed all your "girlfriends" and told them that "you LOVED her." Now she is scared and needs you. What exactly do you think this is about D? A friendship? What am I supposed to think? You booked your hotel to stay until Tuesday. Now I am asking myself why you waited until now to tell me about your dinner with E, or whether or not this was your plan all along.
You called me E once the weekend of your company party, and referred to me as E twice that day. As I said in my first email on this subject, this is a woman you loved for years, were on-again-off-again with her, lived with her, you were going to marry her and now you want to have dinner with her. I don't know if you are doing this consciously or unconsciously, but I just do not believe my feelings are all that unreasonable.
If your goal was to spend this coming weekend with E without being responsible for hurting me, then I guess I just gave you what you wanted on a silver patter by my sharing my feelings.
I am so hurt and so devastated by all of this. I don't even know what to think, but if you wanted out, it would have been much kinder to just tell me you still loved her than criticize my child, distance yourself from me, and send me emails first thing in the morning that are so hurtful.
9-2-09
His response to me:
I can see now, with certainty, that you are completely nuts!
you have shown this side to me before, and I tried to get past it............came back several years later, ............nope...........the same........
you are the most insecure, mixed up and irrational woman, I have ever met I think.........and I have dated enough to know .............
I can't understand how you can "go off" like this............WILD accusations...........you seem to get your feelings hurt so easy...........
its no wonder you are alone..........no normal man can deal with you...........
YOU...............have PUSHED ME AWAY....................all this CRAP you have built up in your mind...........is like "an acid trip".........its like you are on drugs..............its so bizarre and hurtful the way you accuse me of this bullshit.........
I had every intention of being with YOU.............the WHOLE time..............everything else that you have going on in that wicked little mind of yours is total fabrication............all yours!!!!!!!!
you are a major piece of work R.......
and, I'm sorry for calling you E a couple of times.......you don't have a clue with trying to be more understanding with me, or my feelings.........you are the most insecure person I have ever met.
I had loved YOU...............with all my heart.............and wanted to be with only YOU............up until right NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are way to crazy for me.................
I did hook you up with another lead this afternoon if that means anything to you..........or do you think that is just a "SCAM"??????????......
9-2-09
His 2d Response to the same email:
you are still NUTS.?
I made it clear to you in the beginning, that I still have, and always will have a love for her...........ALWAYS.................you once were ok with it, but I mis judged you.........you are way to insecure.........I WAS NOT AND AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER ANY LONGER>>>>>>>I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not a heartless person.................and when you spend seven years with someone that you once were in love with, and they were with you, and you end on good terms, one doesn't have to be cruel about these issues............most can be respectful and mature............you are neither.
Not Reading Them
bewildered
bewildered
That's a good tip...
I have a different take on
Hi Bewildered
bewildered
hey bewildered
http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview
nolongercontrolled
I like that idea.... Yes,
Mostly I just feel sad that
Why are you rereading all