The Silent Treatment

I agree w/everyone. It’s designed to punish. (from the narc’s perspective) Also, I suffered the silent treatment as a kid, when family would get angry with me over things normal kids do. Ugh. Which is why it ‘felt normal’ to me, with the narcs I’ve dated. But, love should not be painful like this. I also wanted to add that NC shouldn’t be confused with silent treatment. When WE AS VICTIMS go NC against our ex n’s…it is NOT like their version of the silent treatment. Just thought that’s important to point out. NC is about our healing, and not about punishing them. Although, they will take it as such, when they can’t pull your heartstrings anymore! Keep strong…

For the ex-Psych prof, his fellow profs and students were sources of primary supply (yet as a student, I managed to be primary AND secondary, despite the fact I was NEITHER his girlfriend nor wife)... and he gave them the silent treatment too. During senior oral examinations, he'd fidget. Once, during a senior oral exam on "The Producers",he went off on a tangent about the homoerotic connection between the Zero Mostel&Gene Wilder characters. His fellow profs heroically resisted rolling their eyes en masse. He'd zone out during conversations. His colleagues treated him like an annoying toddler they were forced to deal with. (If you see exasperated parents with a tantrum-throwing toddler at an airport, think of his colleagues being like that) He ignored a prof who was older than him,and a social equal, because this PROF CALLED HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME. This prof was MALE, to boot. He was infamous for going on bizarre tangents in class. During the final D&D, I saw him pacing around like a restless toddler, not even giving eye contact to his advisee/male disciple. I wasn't the only he completely disregarded. He did the same thing to a fellow senior who was working on his senior thesis. And a MALE. I can't fall back on the "he's punishing me because of his Mommy" because he gave the silent treatment to males.

Hi I don't know all the exact details but silent treatment is a passive aggressive more with more emphasis on 'aggressive' that is intended to shun and hurt the person being silenced. It can be incredbily hurtful because it is INTENTIONAL , and when employed the intention is to hurt or punish for something why does it make you want him even more? because you are in detox, like a drug addict. The narc causes intenses surges of chemicals in our brain that feel really good but when suddently taken away - we go into withdrawl and think about 'the love we shared' - this is a detoxing process. Read up on this disorder. I didn't really understand how much of a Narc I was dealing with until I started to read up on this subject/issue sending you support

for me ,this was his undoing...as i already had abandament issue [he didnt know this]...the first time he dissappeared after a full on seeing each every day for months....i went in to shock...the first week i kept thinking...i cant cope without him...how will i cope? but as time went on irelized i could cope..and he was the one who told me i couldnt cope without him....he came back of course....i never even mention it...just went back to what it was...but i knew without a shadow of a doubt i was going to get out.....it took me years, he still went off..but when he came back..i then went off and so on...he would ask me how long has it been since we last saw each other...i would say i havent got a clue...why narc have you been counting the days...my parents seperatly done this to me all my childhood then adult years, this scumbag wasent going to do it as well...and each time i went back i liked him less and less...i went back until i couldnt bear him within 10 feet of me...i never sat facing him...i never stood facing him....then i dropped him for good... wise words said to me....PEOPLE GIVE UP THEIR POWER WHEN THEY LEAVE YOU FOR TOO LONG....MY PARENTS DID ,HE DID..AND NWOMEN DID....I DROPPED THEM ALL AND DONT REGRET IT.... i am a believer in do unto others ,what they do to you...i did..my father is now dead...the 3narcs left still try to communicate....NO WAY JOSE...THEY STARTED IT...I FINISHED IT....SILENT TREATMENT FOR THEM IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO...THEY ARE CRUEL SADISTIC BASTARDS.

My ex is the master of the silent treatment. It makes me crazy and confused. Im left apologizing for things I am not even sure for what. I am not 100% sure if he is a narc...but I started to google the silent treatment and did a lot of reading that led me to narcissism characteristics. Hence finding this great site. Anyhow I believe my ex gives me the silent treatment because he knows that it makes me upset. We have a long distance relationship so when he goes silent I have no way to know if he is OK. I also have abandonment issues when it comes to him and he knows this. So it only feeds on the pain when he ignores me. I think I read somewhere that they figure out really quick what will work on that person. And for me it really is the only control he has over me...and that is blessing me with his attention...puke!

is a horrific form of abuse. It is designed to negate your being, to render you invisible, and the longing stems from the very human desire to be acknowledged. It is my sincere hope that after you read and consider this, the "wanting" feeling for someone who gives you the silent treatment will diminish. The freak I was involved with was the KING OF SILENT TREATMENT. The more I read about it, the more I realized how truly horrible it was and the more I wanted to stay away from him. To continue with someone who would invoke the silent treatment at a whim was to continue to destroy and deny myself. Here it is, braveheart. I hope it helps. http://abuse101.com/silenttreatmentandabuse.html Most sincerely, (not) spinning. NEVER AGAIN. THE SICK FREAK BELONGS IN THE ZOO AND NO WHERE NEAR MY HEAD.

Oh, the silent treatment used to hurt me so bad... It is a way to drop our self esteem.. My N used to give me a blissful week with all kinds of attention and affection.. Once, he brought me up and I was on cloud 9, bam along came the silent treatment... When you love someone, you want to be with them and talk to them daily... Mine used to say, yea it makes you want me more... You were getting too comfortable with me.. Plus, in my experience, when he was silent, he was with another woman.. Damn Jacknuts Anyway!!!

I'm the silent treatment queen! I've come to realize they use what works! For me Hoovering would set me off! I would not put up with it for one minute! He knows it! My friend had shared an email with me that her narc sent her! A true love letter!! Not!! He sent these nasty insulting emails to her regularly! Just complete projection!! As I read, I know I would have never put up with such garbage! NEVER! But the silent treatment what a way to sock it to me!! They are Evil Vampires, what ever compeletes the mission! Idealize, devalue,discard! It's been almost a year for me. Silence = Peace! Hunter

We long for validation and connection with someone we love. That's a good thing, if the person we love is NOT a narc. Now I am grateful for the silent treatment!