resolve has dissolved

I remember these down days, being weepy, going through tissues, crying my eyes out. :( I would blame myself, doubt my worth, think he was right. It is part of detoxing like someone said. Their voice got implanted in our head, and long after they're gone, we hear their accusations, judgments and put downs. This is something that helped me...can you get out and walk? Walks helped me a lot. Whenever I thought I was sinking into despair and going to cry, I would put on my jogging shoes. I would tell myself that during my walk, I could ruminate all I want, obsess, work it out. Sometimes I'd see strangers walk by and they'd smile and say hello. That was inspiring. I wear my dark sunglasses out, and yeh sometimes I'd still cry behind them. Then, when I'd get back home, as I showered or made a meal or whatever, I'd tell myself it was my time now to focus on me and stop thinking about him and pamper myself for awhile, just as long as I could. Now, on my walks, I think less about it. Perhaps this is the opposite reinforcement, walking and thinking about all this, but it helped!! I feel I do my best thinking then, the breathing and fresh air gives me clarity. At the same time, I was getting fit and feeling better about me, and it was all free!!! Also, staying on the forum helped. You're doing just fine!! This is all so normal. Hang on, freaked. Hug!!!

Of course I get in that "mental situation" some days, we all do.....you are on the right track!! Our feelings will go up and down as we are processing what has happened and as we are detoxing from the abuser. Some days I feel on top of the world and a complete winner and then, for no real reason at all, I have a really sad, depressed feeling like a loser day...can you relate to this? It really sucks but I think this is all part of recovery because you know what? My abuser is gone, I don't make contact and I am working on myself.....you are too! WE HAVE FEELINGS!! WE HAVE SOULS! YAY US!!! The abusers DO NOT! I sometimes will be having a pretty normal, good day and then all of a sudden, a wave of sadness rolls over me, and I have to fight back tears....does this happen to you? We have so many bottled up emotions and grief to get out, and process....this doens't happen all in a day, or a week, or a month......but we WILL find peace if we stay the course and work through all the bullshit. I want you to know you aren't alone. You have another forum friend here who has seen and lived the evil.....we will get better....know you are not alone. And thank YOU for all of your posts.....your posts help in my recovery and journey to peace and wholeness. love~ Layla

IT WILL COME BACK...I STILL GET BAD DAYS AND I AM 22MNTHS NC.....YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP HOPING AND LOOKING FOR AND AT THE POSITIVES......THIS I KNOW...I WOULD RATHER BE DEPRESSED WITHOUT NARC THAN BE DEPRESSED WITH HIM....AT LEAST I KNOW I WILL COME OUT OF THE ABYSS....HE NEVER WILL..HE WAS TAKING ME WITH HIM AND I NEARLY LET HIM...AND MY DEPRESSION [I THINK] IS THAT I STAYED LONG AFTER I KNEW IT WAS TAKING ME DOWN.....NEVER AGAIN WILL I ALLOW ANOTHER PERSON TO DO THIS TO ME....AND I HOPE YOU REACH THAT PLACE AS WELL.