Your friend is very wise! She is spot on!!!
When, I go into one of my spinning modes... Where my mind is consumed by him... My therapist told me the exact same thing... He is not thinking about you, so why in the world are you giving him space in your head.
Only thing that gets me through sometimes!
Kizzy
There are days I am not-certain about my N???
I share your feeling of wanting to contact him. If it wasn't for this sight I probably would have.
I too, find it hard to see the abuse. BUT I was PLAYED. I was ABUSED. And I am finally seeing it thanks to Sam Vankin, Tom Sheridan, and all the YouTube and articles on Narcisism.
* In reference to him reading you passages from the Bible.
I have experienced a Priest and a ministers in my long life who were Narcs. Don't underestimate what a Narc would use to manipulate and get his ways. It's especially disgusting and VERY difficult to get behind their MASK of deception when they are using the Word of God as their windowFRONT. These kind of Narcs are especially clever and know how to use the word to guilt, manipulatate, and groom their prey.
He has just cast you off right now, IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY....IGNORE HIM NOW....NC NC NC
He thinks he can discard and devalue you...NOT so NARC...? Get about your own business and be good to yourself.
Read about Cognitive Dissonance...that's what is going on right now. It's not you? It's not anything you did....be easy on yourself!
Find your sweet distractions so you can stay at NC.
Good Luck BD
A temptation is an act that looks appealing to an individual. It is usually used to describe acts with negative connotations and as such, tends to lead a person to regret such actions, for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health, economic, etc. Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an act, by manipulation or otherwise of curiosity, desire or fear of loss.
KIZZY: THIS IS THE FORMAL DEFINITION OF "TEMPTATION"........KEYWORD "REGRET"........I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO REFRAIN FROM CONTACTING.......SOMETIMES ITS HARDER THEN OTHERS, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING BY REACHING OUT ON THIS SITE TODAY! STAY STRONG, YOU HAVE WORKED TOO HARD. DONT GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION!!! YOU CAN DO IT!
And that is the keyword that has prevented me from contacting him. Regret, not to mention feeding his ego and giving him power.
I'm just very vulnerable because of my mom constantly being sick.
I've been an easy prey most of my life for abusive people in general.
I'm always labeled as being "too sensitive".
I am too sensitive or "squishy" as my best girlfriends calls it....
I OWN IT!
If I am a huge hearted gal who loves fiercely and that is my flaw than so be it!!
I just need to be wiser about who I care about form now on!
:)
I've learned this over the years because being sensitive, means you have a good heart. If there were more sensitive people in the world, there wouldn't be any wars
Better to be labeled as "too sensitive" then "too crazy" or "Too nasty" or...........there are a lot worse things you could be labeled, believe me! And who are these Labelers? Wonder what they are guilty of being "too" much of........
Don't worry about those labels, being too sensitive equates to having a big heart, a yearning to be loved and give love. As far as I am concerned that is one of the best traits in humanity.
Being vulnerable is where you/we falter.......and these N's know it. That is what we need to change about us, we need to remain good hearted, loving, caring, compassionate individuals, but with the knowledge that there are predators out there that will take advantage and suck the life out of us. Once you/we are able to grasp this and make it part of our makeup......there will be no stopping us. And these nasty, less deserving people will not be able to touch us, and more importantly, WONT WANT TO.....we will be of no use to any of them!
Keep up the good work! Be proud of who you are! And create a new label for yourself.......who says it has to be other people that label you? Label yourself "wonderful"!!
Stay strong!
Hi!!!
Used is so right, and you know it is best to NOT contact him, that is why you came here first- you did the BEST, and SMARTEST thing you could of done!
I know you KNOW not to contact him, so I won't say that, I just wanted to jump on this thread and let you know there is yet another survivor (me!) pulling for you to be strong.....we are WINNERS in this!!! You don't need to contact him for ANYTHING! You don't need him! You NEVER really did!!
love to you-hoo-hoo this fine Friday! ~Layla
well done for coming here instead of contacting him...especially as you have been so great with all you have been dealing with....
as to narc, mine used to quote the scriptures all the time, and this was when we were out...he went on for an hour once...what i cannot believe now is how i sat and listened to it.....when he saw he had overdone it..he went back to defaming every one he had ever known..
all this with quoting god and the scriptures is merely lip service, so that people like us will think..WELL HE CANT BE THAT BAD TO KNOW ALL THIS...IT IS TOTAL GOBBLEDEGOOK..AS WE KNOW ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS AND THEIR ACTIONS SAY IT ALL...WELL DONE AGAIN FOR COMING HERE.
I appreciate it.
I guess its we are trying to make sense of someone that makes no sense.
My therapist said that, how can a kind hearted person fathom and mean hearted person. Its like trying to understand and wanting to understand what its like for a serial killer to enjoy killing someone.
I just have to stop trying because if I (we) begin to understand, our hearts have changed for the worse and I don't want to ever understand someone like him nor want to treat others the way he treated me.
I know what I need to do, I need to print out the list of things he said to me because when I read that on here, it makes me sick to think of him.
THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS WITH NARC...MY BEST WOMEN FRIEND[A NARC I DIDNT RELIZE THEN] SHE USED TO SAY ,YOU HAVE TO THINK LIKE HIM..I SAID HOW CAN I THINK LIKE HIM ,I AM NOT HIM....BUT SHE COULD THINK LIKE HIM..SHE COULD EVEN TELL ME WHAT HE WAS GOING TO DO NEXT...BEFORE I DROPPED HIM HE SAID SHE IS LIKE ME YOU JUST DONT SEE IT B/C SHE IS A WOMAN....I DROPPED HIM...THEN I DROPPED HER...I DISLIKE HER MORE THAN I DO HIM...BECAUSE SHE TRIED TO BLINDSIGHT ME BY SAYING THINGS LIKE...I HAVE READ ABOUT EGO,S ..WELL SO HAD I BY THEN AND I STILL DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS COMING NEXT...FUNNY ENOUGH, SHE KNOW MAKES ME FEEL PYSICALLY SICK WHEN I SEE HER ...SHE STILL TRIES TO TALK TO ME...YUK
I was introduced to my EX-Narc by his sister who was my friend and I had taken her and her 3 kids in. She of course introduced me to her brother which she described as so nice and he needs a good women, educated, smart, and pretty like you(yeah right!). To make a long story short they both are the same. They had me going he would say one thing and then she would say another. Talk about each other to know end and every time we would break up it would be when she wasn't happy because she would make sure to tell me something he lied about and then I would stop talking to both of them or both of them would stop talking to me. I feel the same way I dislike her the most because she set me up and would be gas lighting me for him or would call me and tell me an ex gf is at his house because he had a barbecue and didn't invite me and would go on for an hour about it then if I asked would get mute. I have NO CONTACT with either loser and I am regaining me peace, joy, and happiness back. She now is pregnant again with her 4th child by baby daddy #4 she is lazy and doesn't want to work and does not take care of her children. The brother always works to keep a job,but him and his cousin are room mates. I felt so drained every time she was around me she went from being my friend to acting like I was her mother and I look younger than she does and she is 27 years old. They constantly lie on and for each other, but claim they don't get into each others business. They are just two miserable people and I am so happy to have them out of my LIFE!! I didn't take a lot of crap from him or her, but now knowing what I know I never will give them the benefit of the doubt ever again.
SHE WAS EXACTLY THE SAME AS HIM...SAME ACTIONS..SAME DEFAMING EVERYONE..SAME BULLY...SAME EVERYTHING...EXCEPT I THINK SHE WAS A CEBREAL ONE[I THINK].SHE KNEW HIM SO WELL[WITHOUT ACTUALLY KNOWING HIM] IT WAS FRIGHTING...EVEN TO THE POINT,SHE WOULD SAY..I DONT TAKE CRAP FROM ANYONE AND IF THEY GET NASTY...I WILL NEVER TALK TO THEM AGAIN..
WELL I HAVE BEEN NC WITH HER 14MNTHS SHE STILL TRIES TO TALK TO ME!!!!!!!ALL CONTADICTIONS ,SAY ONE THING DO ANOTHER....THEY SHOULD MARRY EACH OTHER...JUST IMAGINE HELL ON EARTH EVERY DAY...UNFORTUNATLY THEY HATED EACH OTHER...I WONDER WHY..LOL?
NC. NC. NC.
Please ..stick to NC.
I dont know your story...but please stick with NC.
I am already dreaming of the day soon when I too can NC..the very thought of NC is so mood elevating
Its just for some reason I have that urge today. Why I don't know because I know it will only make me feel worse and he has not changed, and at 44 I doubt he ever will.
The two of you know my story as well as a few others. Why is it I can't get through my head that I was abused?
I don't get it. I need to keep saying to myself that no one who is sincere and a caring person would read Bible scriptures to someone then curse them out the next, but there is always this little thing in me that thinks I drove him to do this.
All I did was what he ask me to do, and that was confide in him, keep the lines of communication open, and that something good would come out of it.
But in the end he told me I was taking up too much of his time.
Do it! What do you think you
a thought...
bakingfortherapy
NC NOT - CERTAIN???
A temptation is an act that
YES - REGRET
kizzy....
Being Sensitive is a good thing
Kizzy
Just want to jump in as another support person!
Thank you Layla
kizzy72
Thank you Used
kizzy72
The Same Thing
Wow
SHE WAS EXACTLY THE SAME AS
NC. Please.
I won't
Spinning and Michelle