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Got a text..

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#1 Aug 15 - 12PM
Freedom101
Freedom101's picture

Got a text..

It's been four months since I last saw him. Got a text this am. "Hope you're doing well? I know you hate me but that should be expected. I'm just seeing how your job is going and how your health is. I do miss our friendship." Such mixed emotions when receiving contact when I'm in the mindset that I'm done with this. Is it coincidence that it's on the morning when my kids go back to school and I'm actually alone for the first time in a long time. I'm not sure he's that smart, but it's very coincidental. I also don't sit well with people thinking I hate them, but I believe he knows that and that line would be the bait to get me to reply with the, Oh, I don't hate you...blah blah blah. Haven't replied. Don't plan on replying. I just find it irritating that we're the ones accused of being clingy and needy and they're the ones who won't let it go when we finally wake up. Been down that road four times now. My kids don't deserve my head being messed up a fifth time when it's finally clear.

Aug 16 - 10PM
Freedom101
Freedom101's picture

all quiet on the western front

So I went to sleep and no further contact. I was at work till nine tonight so didn't give it a second thought all day because I'm always super busy. It didn't even come to mind until I checked my emails and saw replies to the thread. It's nice to know I'm not alone and this is normal. I feel no inclination to break nc. I recognize if I did, I'd end up being his phone buddy because he's lonely and I'd be using up my precious kid time on him and they need me more. There's just nothing in it for me anymore. If I was to even believe we could be friends I know I'd get angry texts like the last one because I didn't get back fast enough and I'm tired of that rollercoaster ride. My life is so much calmer and more tranquil now. I know what is and what isn't. I am my own boss and decide everything without any criticism from anyone. It's a wonderful thing not having to walk on eggshells anymore. I've never gone nc this long and want everyone out there to know, it actually does get better. I've been going through this for three long years because I couldn't face going through the pain of being without him and feeling alone. Now I know alone is good. Alone is power, strength, hope and choices and the truth is I'm not alone. I still have all those great friends who I neglected during all this time because I let him influence me. I'll keep fighting the fight because the three of us in this house deserve to be happy and right now, I can say I'm truly happy.
Aug 17 - 1PM (Reply to #10)
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

I absolutely LOVE what you

I absolutely LOVE what you posted, freedom. Especially...''there's nothing in it for me, anymore.'' What a great revelation! That's so true. And you realize if you did contact him...he'd berate you or whatever...it's be an effort in futility. I just can't thank you enough for posting this...you are an inspiration. Truly. I really like the wording of your post.
Aug 17 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
spinning
spinning's picture

Freedom, you are so

spot on with this! I hope others read it and consider it. It is the TRUTH!!! This is BEAUTIFUL and I'm so happy for you! NC is BLISS. It's hard, like you say, but once you turn the corner and at least try to see what it brings you it's worth it! I'm so proud of you and happy for you. A great, NARC FREE future lies ahead for you and your household! Thank you for sharing this. It will help others. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE AND I CHOOSE MYSELF!

spinning

Aug 16 - 9AM
Better than ever
Better than ever's picture

Ohh....so similiar to my text

Ohh....so similiar to my text (we have been NC for about 2 months and received this text about 3 weeks ago)....It went "I hope everything is ok..." "Something just hit me and I was worried...." "Sorry if I bothered you..." Well, of course the gut reaction is to say, yeah, I'm doing fine NOW!!! I feel great, look so much healthier....but to respond is to give him contact, which we can't do.... These people act like they care when they really, truly dont......let's hand it to movies, tv and just regular interactions that they pick up on....I really think they mimic emotions to try to lure us in....sad, truly sad....
Aug 16 - 9AM
Deidre40
Deidre40's picture

Lol—‘’I know you hate me.’’

Lol—‘’I know you hate me.’’ Oh brother. My take is that they truly ‘get off’ on thinking we are spending our energies creating voodoo dolls of them, and poking at them all day. AS IF! LOL You hating him, gives him a high. And it’s also a baiting tactic to get you to break NC…to say…’’oh, I don’t hate you. Don’t be silly.’’ To which he will take the great pleasure of ignoring you thereafter. Ignore…delete…change your number ifyou have to. But…stay NC. Keep up the good fight!!
Aug 16 - 9AM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Freedom101

It's a revolving door. He will continue throwing crumbs until you no longer accept them. It's up to you and only you to make it stop. He can't do it without you. So don't let him. NO response whatsoever.
Aug 16 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Freedom

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2011/08/16/helpjust-got-email#comment-142509 See that pattern and the same words??? Hunter
Aug 16 - 12AM
empath
empath's picture

There really must be a manual that they follow

I got the "Hope everything is going well for you" email...the insincerity of his email was overwhelming. Sure he hopes everything is going well for me. If he only knew how difficult it was for me to finally accept what a douchebag he turned out to be, and just get on with my life...NOW things are going well for me! I won't tell him that, though. He's history, and that was his doing. My good times and my successes are none of his narky business!
Aug 15 - 11PM
birdie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yes, delete delete delete!

My exN did the text/email/phone call every few months, always the 'hope you are well' crap. All it means is he was recently rejected by another woman, and needs to control someone. He's running low on supply! Just him contacting you will mess up your head...think about what will happen if you let him in any further. He is not sorry, he doesn't think you have the right to be upset with his behavior, and he is salivating at the thought of hurting you again. Mine went to the police because I texted him back detailing what a creep he was. They were "unwanted texts" (even though he was texting me more). Ignore! Ignore harder! Clean the drapes! Reorganize the spices! Whatever it takes!
Aug 15 - 12PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Delete,Delete,Delete

Ok let break this down! 2 sentences and one big headfuck! First he knows you are alone, perfect time to strike! " I hope you are doing well " are you fucking kidding me??? Well? Let's see ,,he ripped you guts out chewed them up and spit you out.. Oh yeah... youre doing, Great! " I know you hate me" play on words, he knows you love him and he's playing! Also to answer a question in another post, does he know he's a Narc? He sure does! DELETE, look at how you feel over two little curbs this idiot tossed you! Yuck. What a guy! Hunter