A note on group dynamics

I just came across a line of posts that were made today, and I decided to share a part of my past to raise some awareness here.

My first husband had a drinking problem. So I joined Al-Anon back then in the early 1980s in Europe.
Initially that was a great help to me: I learned a lot about addiction, and more important, I was accepted and my pain and my feelings were acknowledged. So I grew.

However, after a while I felt that the group I attended was 'running in circles', i.e., I felt they were repeating the same old same old, and I could not grow any further.

So I left, and it was only much later that I learned that sometimes people caught in the vicious circle of addiction or co-addiction are too afraid to make the next step, and a whole group may even subconsciously agree not to move on so that everyone is 'safe'.

But I also learned that in AA everyone was accepted equally lovingly, whether they were currently 'dry' or not.--

I have found this website a little more than 2 weeks ago, and I have meanwhile learned that I have changed sides from being a co to being an addict myself.
That was certainly a 'toughie' for me, but with the atmosphere I found here, plus my knowledge that the cycles are the same and the 'players' tend to know each role in the game of addiction, I could easily accept.

Some of us are just starting their healing, some of us are advanced, some of us have 'relapsed', some of us have relapsed several times. And some of us may be 'dry'/NC now and still relapse. And each of us is posting according to their current status and ability and in their very own way, to support the others or to ask for support.

Now, if someone in a group starts to appear to other members to be 'acting out', that may be 'just' a sign, a sign that something is going on - be it with the group or with the person.

I know about myself that when I am starting to act too strong, I usually do that to 'cover up' something deep inside myself.
And I also know that below my anger or impatience there is usually sadness, sadness covered up as it might simply be too overwhelming to cope with at that point. Sadness can be a very strong feeling, and it may even cause anxieties. Anxiety can create a fear biter, a dog that bites when feeling frightened or cornered.-

I have learned over the past 2 weeks that sometimes it is better for me not to comment to posts spontaneously and think first and just know and trust that someone else here will reach out if I stand back. But on this one, the mother in me could not resist.

just my 5 cents.
---
And yes, when my heart is heavy I tend to act more analytical.
And yes, with new members joining this site every day, there are many triggers for flashbacks.
And yes,
EACH OF US HAS TO DO THIS AT THEIR OWN PACE.

I am very grateful to have found this site.
Thanks and Love to all.