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ZERO tolerance for N

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#1 Aug 4 - 10PM
Beach Dreamer
Beach Dreamer's picture

ZERO tolerance for N

Hello! I am so grateful for all of your insight into your Narcissistic nightmares and experiences. You speaking out has helped me so much this last week. I am learning that I can't be NAIVE any more about N.
I plan on being the caring, sensitive, loving person that I have always been. EVEN though I can see after reading how such a personality like mine makes easy prey for these sick N. Well I got news for them. I might be caring, loving , sensitive but I will have ZERO tolerance for the next one who ever crosses pathes with me. Ignorance breeds contempt....I am not ignorant anymore about NARCISSISM and the evil components that they use to rip hearts and souls to destruction.
It's so evil and sad all at the same time...............BUT they "ain't" going to like being around me when I pull their fraudlent, cheating, FAKE.... MASKS OFF....not going to be pretty ....not going to be pretty at all....Is there anyone here who really thinks they could stand to be PLAYED again or watch a loved one be played??????? I can't fathom it!! Why aren't we teaching this in our schools? Teaching young girls/and boy how to protect themselves from the rath of this illness? I am ready to punch a punching bag...right now....I guess I am angry!! The thought of someone else getting hurt makes me angry.....I have always been protective of others...but I wasn't able to help myself while I was going through this...I DIDN'T KNOW....... I have to forgive myself...I am still angry at myself deep down....Why Didn't I KNOW what a F_ing Narcissist was??? WHY??

Aug 5 - 9AM
Beach Dreamer
Beach Dreamer's picture

This Day is Getting Better!

:) I hope and pray all of you are having a good/better day! It helps knowing that there are people here who care and understand what we are going through. Hang in there!! Make good plans today to put a smile on your face!! A day without a NARCISSIS in it is a GREAT DAY!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) *Thinking positive thoughts helps me! Because the painful thoughts are there lurking....I try to envision the positive!!
Aug 5 - 8AM
Beach Dreamer
Beach Dreamer's picture

You Must Have Been Sleeping

Late last night it got to me. It was just me and my screen... having it out! And that means I was still at NO CONTACT. Congrats to me! I would have loved to have vented on him. But I didn't. *I am scared, just like many of you. I am scared to run into the next N. Hence the words I wrote last night. I want to believe that I will be ready and I will step up and expose their BS lies and treatment of me or others. I guess it's getting to me that they can harm and hurt and just walk away. I guess I am in phase 2...the angry stage. I was wondering when it was going to hit me. It's here. But it won't be here long...because I don't want to give another second of me in any form to him...NONE. He makes me sick.....NO MORE
Aug 5 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
spinning
spinning's picture

Keep processing BD,

You're doing great work that will pay off for you in ways you can't imagine right now. You have the key to it all and you know it. What you focus on becomes your reality. You know this and are choosing the positive. That will attract more positive...it builds. I know this because it happened to me. When I first got on this board I was a semi=functioning zombie who never ever thought I'd be happy, much less filled with hope, joy and anticipation at what's next in my life. Guess what? That's me now!!! Nine months out. Hard work. Commitment. Retraining my brain. Refocusing my thoughts off the disorder and destruction of the so-called "relationship" (I prefer to use the word 'nightmare') and onto ME and whatever I needed to do to feel better. A spiritual approach, like yours, helped tremendously also. Getting out of my comfort zone also brought (and still brings) many great things. The more I swept out the ashes the disordered one left behind when he burned me, the more room was created for GREAT, healthy, fun things. I know you'll get there. Keep going, braveheart. I am proud of you and can't wait for your new life to unfold. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A CHOICE. I WILL NOT BE TAKEN DOWN BY A SICK GHOST. THE FREAK DOESN'T EXIST. NEVER REALLY DID IN THE FIRST PLACE.

spinning

Aug 5 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
Beach Dreamer
Beach Dreamer's picture

Dancing Tonight! " Spinning " around and around!!

Thanks! I dance every fri. and sat. night with a large group of single friends. I highly recommend it! I dance for hours and hours. It's a happy time! And I have learned how valuable having friends/aquaintances can be! It's a stress reliever and a sweet distraction! My favorite! And good exercise!! * Even dancing in the darkness with the music playing, sometimes thoughts of my lost love enters my mind. But those moments happen less and less!! That is a GOOD thing!! Fewer thoughts...more happiness...and feeling freedom from the pain is all worth this journey! Take the Greatest Care BD ps. I agree NO sense "spinning" any more for a N but spinning while you are dancing is GREAT!! :)
Aug 5 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
Lisa87
Lisa87's picture

Right on Beachdreamer and Spinning!

You have the tools, the right attitude, you know what to do and are doing it....congrats!! Keep the faith and keep up the good work! I am also same position and it feels wonderful!! NC since April. We are all still suffering a bit in our own way but won't let these devils take us down or takeover our thoughts any longer! We rock!! Have a dance for me, I'll be doing that tomorrow night for my b'day!!!