.....I'm back
.....I'm back
Hi everyone. I feel a little bit guilty and ashamed that I haven't kept in touch until now, when I need this forum again. Honestly, I think at first I so desperately just wanted to get out of narcville, then I was ashamed of some of the things I have been doing. I know most of you wouldn't approve.
It's been a crazy summer. Once I moved out of my x's house, I had a huge party. I admit, I'm a little bit of a party girl and always have been. I drink to much, I other things too much-it's a flaw. I think it's that restlessness that draws me to "bad boys", narcs, psychopaths, addicts, whatever will keep from getting (god forbid) bored. I hate myself so much right now and I humbly crawl back to you guys.
So, after being faithful to my husband for all those years of him cheating withholding sex and just being generally 15 years older than me, when my sex drive returned, I was SOOOO horny. I picked up a guy and took him home that night and we had amazing sex until the morning. Well, you guessed it, he turned out to be a grade a, number one, top of the line, sadistic, lunatic, narc, drug dealing psycho bla bla bla...
***For those of you who want to skip the details of the new narcs sadistic game I'll sum it all up - i was talked into not using protection and had really rough sex with this guy and I have been bleeding for 4 weeks now and I can't get in to see my doctor and I fear he gave me some kind of STD. I will probably have to go the ER this week if i can;t talk my gyno into getting me in sooner. Something is really wrong down there and I can;t help but think about how I smelled weird after he was in me (i'm sorry to be gross).
So, I was drunk (as I have been all summer)and in a Denny's of all places with my friend, when I saw this guy sitting there with some of his friends and I was immediately attracted to him. Being the shy person I am I told him to come sit next to me and litteraly within minutes we were making out and I took him home and we had sex. over and over. It was so good and I needed it so bad. I was frigid for over a year. I never thought I could feel that way again. I have had sooooooo little experience with men, so this was HUGE and very unlike me. Anyway, I wasn't stupid or anything. The next morning I kind of looked at him and said "should we exchange numbers?" LOL. He said "of course!, we need to this again! I'm going to go home and show my brother your facebook and tell him look what i did all night. hes going to be so jealous" ect ect... Even after all that, I just kind of laughed it off as a really fun experience and went on with my day kind of grinning. I mean, I'm 31 and he's like 23. I wasn't thinking anything of it but maybe an occasional fun evening. So the next day the texts were rolling in. Bin laden had just been shot and he was sending me things like "I wish you had been here to watch this with me!" "my brother wants to meet you" and stuff like that. Then he called and invited me to lunch the following day, I was in a class so I missed his call, and it never happened, but I started getting a little giddy at this point. Wow. could something actually come of something so unlikely? I started to reluctantly allow myself to talk to him. Meanwhile I wanted more of that great sex BAD. After one more time of seeing him at his insistance, it became me always asking him to hang out and it was always when he was utterly fucked up. But here's the thing, he was SOOOOOOOOOOOO demonstrative when he was with me. He would ask me repeatedly if I was his girl. He would coo into my drunken ear after sex about how he was going to take care of me, making promises about the NEXT DAY that he would never ever even keep. Telling me he was falling for me like an actor that deserved some kind of award and I FELL FOR IT!! My ex psycho was NOT like this! This guy was so over the top romantic I thought I was some kind of a goddess to him. IN FACT he wrote me a poem he entitled CALYPSO, which the little bastard called me! The last time I saw him I got a text at 6:00 AM saying "is **** with you? I am urgently trying to reach him" apparently it was his aunt, who he forgot to pick up at the airport. Well, how the hell did she get my number? The whole thing is just bizzare. After a few more times of this he just....disapeared. He was supposed to take me on a date and told me that day 'he really wanted to make it work, but i was too old for him" ouch? but after this episode it became so painfully evident that everything out of his mouth had been a huge lie. I was really upset, but I let it go. He still had my keys, and after about 3 weeks of me badgering him for them back and even threatening to call the police on him, I just gave up and let it go. Fats forward a couple of months and he materializes on my doorstep with my keys. I told him I wasn't mad and that I never expected anything of him but that I didnt understand his way of leaving and that I thought we were friends. He then preceded to tell me some bullshit story involving many many lies involving some little girl in california that i'm supposed to think is a bitch who deleted me of facebook. (i know, this all sounds so stupid and juvenile). So just like before, after me telling him it was all cool, and it was just some friendly screwing, in came the sadism. "I will be your friend if thats all you are willing to give me, but I have thought about you this whole time and even dreamed of you. then he started CRYING. He said he was faling in love with me. He wrote me a poem and proceeded to pour his heart out to me for three hours until I was crying. NO, just casual sex isnt good enough. He SWORE if i just gave him one more chance he would never hurt me bla bla. so, of course, i gave him some. The next day he was to come over and walk my doggie with me (a nice, free activity. I didn't want to scare him by making him pay for anything, even though he was fond of telling me all the fancy things he was going to get me. geez I feel so stupid) You guessed it! I get a text from my psycho at about 2 hours before meeting time saying "well I guess they are going to take my phone after i get there but I will call you when I get there". HUH??? "what are you saying??" "i'm saying I have a problem and I need some help and i'm going away but now i'm saying goodbye to my family"... WTF??? All I said was "you are a bastard". I never expected to hear from him again, but then he called me (from rehab haha) and suckered me in AGAIN. "I don;t expect you to wait, but I hope you will. You hurt me so badly when you said I was a bastard. bl a bla" I was so determined to help my little man get better! Being the f-ing dumbass I am. Until I saw some girl post on his facebook page "awe, I left my balloon at work today". And him posting "just 12 hours till work" WTF??? So here I sit, narced again. D&Ded and bleeding for four weeks. I'm so f-ing upset. :(
Fierflie it's ok. I had a
hi fierflie
So glad you came back to the
Stay here and be safe
Hey FF , good to haveyou back