Sick lies for quick sex

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Oct 6 - 1AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

only you can stop it cupcake

cupcake - then you are suffering for nothing. You can only stop the suffering by BLOCKING HIM. Psycho-Boy isn't suffering. See here he's being awarded along with the wife Still playing the good decent religious man. And he still, 5 years later and a restraining order on him & his wife - he still says crap about me. http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2008/01/12/lashon-hara-from-ywl/ The ONLY WAY To stop hurting cupcake IS TO BLOCK HIM. Take back your power or you have only YOURSELF to blame. You will keep going right back to zero and even the drugs won't help. how did you meet this player sick sex addicted dirtbag in the first place? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 6 - 12AM
Marie
Marie's picture

A sex toy

I was never a one night stand person, though had many opportunities just didn't interest me because I knew I would feel cheap and used. The day my N said he was a patient man I should have read between the lines but didn't. Just because he wasn't pressuring me for sex didn't mean he had anything other than that on his mind. He bided his time because he saw a fool in me. It took over a year and a half so who would think that's all he was after. But once he had me that was when it turned to shit.
Oct 7 - 7PM (Reply to #30)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Marie

I dated a boy after high school that was a Narc. For months he told me how much he loved me. I wouldnt say I loved him back because I had just been hurt by my dad abandoning our family. He waited until I did finally say I loved him too..then he dropped me the next day.That was so long ago, but the pain of that one incident lasted years and years. They are such dirt bags. This is the memory I had after reading your comment.
Oct 6 - 12AM
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Quick sex and lies

That is all I was. Nothing more. Just someone to have sex with and toss away. It hurts. So much.
Oct 7 - 9PM (Reply to #28)
tina
tina's picture

cupcake

yes honey, it does hurt oh so much. you can do this but only with NC or he will always cause you pain and make you feel disposable, this I promise you.
Oct 6 - 10PM (Reply to #27)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cupcake

READ QUOTE BELOW ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 6 - 12AM
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hey Peru & Cynth

Hi guys, thank you for this post and for your understanding. Peru thank you for recognizing that I have done a lot of work and healing and then one message from him like nothing has happened, like he hasn't torn my soul and heart apart comes with no though from him. I don't know how I am going to trust again either. Like you, I used to think 'nobody can be as bad as this'. 'How can someone do this'. And am in shock. I've gone right now again and I was doing so well. NC is the only way to go. I'm not going to respond to his text but something inside me still wants him and wants him to chase me. I still want him and it is crazy. I can't help it, I can't help the way I feel about him. Someone on this forum said about GF's and wives of N's "they are misreable but they stay" (I think it was Cynthia). I understand being misreable but wanting to stay. I want to be with him and part of his world and that will never be. I hate him for what he has done to me. I HATE him for sending a message that is so thoughtless and carefree after what he put me through. I hate that I still want him. But most of all, I hate the way I LET him treat me.
Oct 7 - 5AM (Reply to #25)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cupcake

Maybe you cant help how you feel, but you CAN help what you DO. Have all the feelings you want and block him anyway.
Oct 6 - 12AM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cupcake

have you read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS yet? you didn't LET him do anything. I know exactly how you feel - because this is precisely what Psycho-Boy did to me and now he lies about it... even now 5 years later. Have you BLOCKED HIM?????????????? COMPLETELY?????? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 6 - 12AM (Reply to #20)
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I can't

I can't do it. I can't block him. I want to. I want to be be free of him and I was. He isn't really chasing though, he was probably drunk when he sent that message. I want to block him and will try. But I want to hear from him. What is WRONG with me? Everything! I've gone completely insane over this one worthless man. I hate him. I hate him for what he did to me. I hate it that she is still with him. I hate it that she didn't believe me and is calling me a pyscho. I HATE HIM. So much. He has hurt me so much. He has destroyed me and I am defeated and am giving up. Barbara thank you so much! You really are a special, amazing, wonderful, intelligent woman and I hope you see that about yourself after Pycho-Boy tried to rip everything away from you. I hope he is suffering wherever he is and I hope he burns in hell. As I hope mine does.
Oct 6 - 11AM (Reply to #23)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cupcake, sorry you are struggling

you are not alone, I am in your SAME situation, I CANT BLOCK MINE EITHER, and because that is MY FAULT I cant cry to others on this site because I know I am causing myself to stay in the place I am at. While I have not seen mine for 8 months, and our contact is minimal, that is not enough, professionals, counselors, experts all say, BLOCK and ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT so you are totally out of their sphere of any influence, that means not even knowing he tried to contact you and there is the catch right there Cupcake. You cant just take one puff, you cant just slowly NC with them, it doesnt work that way, my counselor is proud of my progress but said I am doing it the hard way, prolonging it and my agony. I cant speak for you but maybe you are struggling with what I am, VALIDATION? Dumping this person by going NC on our part is the only way, and they would be able to accept that but we cant. How dare them devalue and discard us and get by in how they treated us, surely we meant something to them, do they have any idea what they had? Who I was? I was the best damn thing he ever had and he treated me like garbage, like I was nothing but a freebee hooker he should BEG to want me back so I can tell him to go to hell!!!! Maybe we are wanting back from them what they took from us by leaving a channel open? WE WANT VALIDATION, not necessarily them. When we leave a channel open and they contact we can say, see there you SOB I did have some meaning in your life, crawl back on your knees, and I am going to enjoy watching it too. But Cupcake it doesnt work that way, it just turns into a game with them, a game that only destroys us NOT THEM. We will never get validation from the pathological waiting for their cell number to appear on our phone and we will always remain now and forever what we were to them, with contact and without contact. October is abuse awareness month, I can think of no better time than to change our cell numbers, and block all channels. They will NEVER NEVER NEVER see us for how we want them to, they simply cant, they are psychologically incapable, bitter pill, bitter fact, one of the last hopes we hung on to. If its any comfort NOBODY is special to them or ever will be,they never loved us as they will never love anyone as we know love. Dont you want to experience what healthy love is again? I know I do and if for the rest of my life I am without a partner just learning to love myself again will be my greatest reward and all the rest will follow. How about it, lets set a date.
Oct 6 - 1PM (Reply to #24)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Cupcake and Cynthia . I

Cupcake and Cynthia . I totally get where you guys are at , in an ideal world we would be blocking their sorry arses and moving on to healthy lives , but we have to be honest here , we do it at our own pace .When we really get the illness we will be the ones on here in 6 months or a year telling the new girls to block him , i know this to be true . Its like clinging on by the skin of our teeth , my narc hasnt been diognoised he could be bi polar or something ,(i know he isnt ) but these thoughts have to run their corse . Dont feel guilty on top of everything else that you cant block him yet . I know Barbara must be banging her head on a brick wall with these posts but its only because she knows and wants to save us pain . In my case i cant block emails on my system and let me share with you yet another little gem i was sent today . " I am just a horney little boy looking for distractions from a loveless world where joys are seldom truely experenced .but i understand how these distractions can not bring about sustainable change, a child trapped by a society that justifies its warped existence " Now i pay a theropist 40 pounds an hour which is money well spent but these ridiculous musings are priceless when it comes to bringing my narc right back to size and go along way to understanding how barking mad he is . One day and soon i will have enough , my email address will have to be changed .I KNOW THIS ! Peru x
Oct 6 - 1AM (Reply to #21)
Marie
Marie's picture

Cupcake

I agree with Barbara, as hard as it may be you MUST block him. Forget about this OW. She will soon be as unhappy as you are, they never change. I forget too sometimes but then I come on here and read some of these articles or my journal all that pain comes back. The other day going out for a run he was outside with his friend. Had I looked out my window and saw him I would have went the other way. So didn't have a choice but to pass him. He said hi, I flipped him the bird. His hi doesn't mean anything to me anymore he's such an F'ing liar and user. Don't care why he sent you a message. Mine will still call too but to be mean. A day or so ago he called and had to tell me he had to dial the number a few times because he kept getting the wrong number. He gave that fake little laugh which always let's me know he's being a shit. I'm sure the intention was to let me know he had forgotten my number. He's let me know several times how he deleted all the pics off his phone. Whatever.I will not allow him to hurt me any longer and you shouldn't allow this to get to you either. You are allowing him to still have control when you are the one with the control of your life, take it!
Oct 6 - 4PM (Reply to #22)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why bother

you're in therapy you're on meds if you don't block him why bother? BECAUSE you are still ALLOWING HIM TO USE YOU NOT BLOCKING HIM IS A CHOICE - you won't because you most certainly CAN! http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/11/power-of-relapsing.html every time he makes contact - you erase TOTALLY any healing you have done and that 18 months? goes back to ZERO. All the hurt and pain you are feeling now? was for NOTHING. Blocking him is the biggest f-u you could give him. Allow ANY contact? And you give him the green light to use you for free some more. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/14/pain-stinks-dont-go-through-it-nothing http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/07/31/there-no-such-thing-safe-level-contact And don't come here and whine that he 'contacted you again' and 'boo hoo what do I do now?' You know what to do. You've been told. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 3 - 11AM
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

THE CON MAN

look at how he has treated you .And my response to that would be because he told me he loved me , he told me he would never hurt me , he told me i was the one , HE TOLD ME TO BELIEVE HIM. Peru its such betrayal isnt it? I was told the same just a different version" "you and I have so much more in common than my GF and I, and our relationship isnt really going anywhere, hasnt for years, I have always cared for you you were the one I should have never let gotten away, we could have a great life together with our common background etc bla bla bla, it all sounded so possible and genuine, he didnt sound like he was very happy in his current relationship. He was SO GOOD that our first night together he didnt even push sex,(HE KNEW BETTER) just held my hand and asked permission to kiss me, we must have talked until 6am in the morning, TALKED about the loss of my parents so close together, my HORRIBLE abusive marriage I wanted to get out of, (he loved that one I am sure) all that CON and in the end he wanted to see me f---ed by other men and have group sex with him, it was slow too, he worked up to it after securing my trust and love TALK ABOUT A PREDATOR Peru, I often think of that night and what my reaction would have been if he would have said, Hey Cynthia I have always found you HOT and now I just want you to believe I love you so I can get you to f--k other women and men with me and just use you like a whore cause my GF is just a front I use so I can carry out my sick sex on the side. How bout it? Doesnt that sound like fun? I laugh when I think of that what if our wackos would have really said the truth vs taking us months or years to find out we had only been conned and used as prey for their sexual sickness. They ALWAYS seem to have GF's dont they?, or some other women they claim to be serious with, I also realize if he and his GF did all this sick sex together with others why would he have the need to privately recruit me? Thats an awful lot of work to take the time to con me with his act if he can get it anytime with his GF with others. Or better yet, on the flip side, now he can have TWO women that will get other victims for him, either way I know I will never know what their relationship really is, either she plays the nice pretend wife, or she swings with him and in the end as you said ITS ALL LIES FOR SEX, for their sickness. I was also told, THIS MAN DOES NOT LOVE YOU, and I would think but it cant be, its just not possible you should have heard all the things he said to me, Peru I guess we have to accept and resign that a very disordered person entered our lives and we have to heal from it the best we can. What we experienced was FAR from normal, I was conned by a Psychopath and I say that over and over to myself everyday. Recovering from it has been LIVING HELL
Oct 3 - 8AM
baddream
baddream's picture

So sorry Peru

I understand what happened to you 100 percent because that has happened to me so many times in the past 8 years. You feel you have lost all your power and control, you have given him his supply again. Like the stranger coaxing an innocent child into the car with candy or new toys. The child goes despite warnings from his parents to "never go with strangers".. Here we are listening to our "N"s promises over and over again. We believe them, and we go with them again. Just like the innocent child, we are abducted, he has kidnapped our soul. The outcome will always be the same with N. We have learned this. The most difficult part is to make our brains do what our hearts won't and let him go forever. Peru, you know what to do. You had a setback. It is time for NC again. Be gentle with yourself and try to do something good for yourself today.
Oct 3 - 7AM
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

It's taken me awhile to

It's taken me awhile to really get it in my head that he IS really that evil and sick. I believed lies too. I think we all have. With each experience you have of tripping up and believing him and then "getting hit over the head with a brick", you will come to the full understanding of who he truly is too. As a learning experience, you will decide and be firm in your convictions to go total no contact forever. They break promises. Go back on their words. Lie. Deceive. Manipulate. You are learning, Perutoo. Don't contact this man again. It only gets worse. His abuse to you will get more painful as he sees that your resolve to protect yourself from him is weak.
Oct 3 - 4AM
Ellen
Ellen's picture

So deceiptful

Hi Peru, You don't mean he really hit you over the head with a brick do you? I don't even know what to say to that behaviour, i can't get my hear round people thinking that way. It's soul destroying. What i say is what i mean and to purposefully tell someone that you love them when you have motives that would be hurtful is a sin to me. It's only recently that i'm realising the devil is at work on this planet in many disguises. It scares me to think that i have come arcoss the devil before and not even noticed (consciously that is).
Oct 3 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

depraved

i can't get my hear round people thinking that way ELLEN!!! THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE!!!!!!!! period! I think when Psycho-Boy said I "played his game with them" I lost my breath for a few moments. Game? what game? he NEVER indicated it was a game to me! the chats that the police have now even show how I asked him MULTIPLE times if he was playing games and he said NO. He would "never do that to" me. it's all a sick sick sick lure. to get what THEY want. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 3 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

you must be further on than me

My neighbour and i get together and talk about our 'Narcs'. one in every hundred they say, well theres two in our street, that i know of. Well she has been putting me straight saying he is a liar. I'm busy making all the excuses like he did marry his first wife not knowing it wasnt his baby. My neighbour said, he probably knew it wasn't and suggested marriage. He then left her when she was most vulnerable, with a young baby, just like he has done with me. Then he told everyone it wasn't his child. That all sounds a bit sick to plan that. I think it was just his confused life. However, the fact that i contemplate it means there could be some truth in it. He said he stayed with his girlfriend and then married her cos i wasn't available even though he wanted me. Why does a man stay with an alcoholic wife for 20 years unless she was good supply hey cos he's just left me really quickly and easily. I have never been so confused in all my life. He can't seriously be such a liar. I've never doubted him. I just don't know what this world is anymore or where i fit in it.
Oct 3 - 7PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

HE IS A LIAR

there's more than 1 in every 100. that's just the ones who are diagnosed (usually in the prison population) the VAST majority don't get diagnosed because they believe they are perfect and do not need help. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/05/06/60-million-persons-u-s-negatively-affected-someone-elses-pathology How do you know if a Narcissist is lying? THEIR LIPS ARE MOVING. These people lie like they breathe. Stop doubting it. NO CONTACT. He lies he lies he lies. EVERY THING IS A LIE. Don't even ask them for the weather. You fit in with the few of us. The normals. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 3 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Ellen

You'll get past this confusing time. You'll come to know exactly who and what he is. It takes a little while. For me it took about 8 months. And I'm still learning more. But at least I see the big picture. You are still looking at it all from a very close perspective. Get some distance and you'll see the face of the monster. (but ya gotta stop making excuses for him, ok?) It's not just his confusing life. He's a Narc. Who would leave women with small babies. Not once, but twice? Are you no contact?
Oct 5 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Ellen

"who would leave a woman with small babies not once but twice " Thats what i would have wanted to say to you before but couldnt think of the words .Your story breaks my heart .Girls wouldnt you just like 10 minutes with this man to tell him just what you thought of his sorry arse . The word of warning here is they do try and come back , After all the rows i have had with my narc all the slateings of his personality , all the times i yelled at him to LEAVE ME ALONE and what do i get ? "hello peru , you know we are magnets dont you , we just cant stay apart ". i even said to him "you are never going to leave me alone are you , i do know that it will be me that will have to stop this " and he said "yep". Its a long slow journey , im so glad i have this place to come to . Big love to all Peru x
Oct 5 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

peru

It wont always be a long slow journey for you. If you truly want it, your recovery can fly with the eagles! And that's one beautiful flight! :)
Oct 5 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I try and take off like an

I try and take off like an eagle xx
Oct 5 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

eagle has had her wings clipped for now

Hi 4joys and peru, Thanks for your blunt words. I'm getting there, my stomach flipped when you said who would leave women with small babies. I'm starting to get the picture and it's not nice. I always thought it was ok he left the first woman cos it was a long time ago and the baby wasn't his. Now i see that he did marry her so i think it was a handy excuse to leave then. Well she had a lucky escape. It would have been my turn at some point with him cos hes had his eye on me for 29 years and how was i supposed to know about narcissism -aside from the fact that i now know my dad is one. Well i can't wait to fly away from this lions den, it's scaring me the more i see.
Oct 7 - 1PM (Reply to #10)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I think its strange that we

I think its strange that we can all see each others narc are no good low lifes but we struggle to see it our selves .They really pulled the wool over our eyes .I get pissed of when girlfriends tell me " you shouldnt put up with that kind of treatment from a man " I just wondered how they would fair with such an onslaught of targeting , gaslighting , brain washing , push and pull , passive aggressive bollocks , the works really .I dont think that many women wouldnt go under as i did faced with all this . Are we weak ? am i just kidding myself ? Peru x
Oct 7 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
Ellen
Ellen's picture

I know

We should all do a swap and give the other partners what for cos we can be objective there. I've just read a little of Lundy Bancroft (i think thats his name) book and its really helped. He wrote 3 scenarios of different women's partners and although circumstances were different, some violent physically and some not the underlying stuff was the same. Now i feel its okay for me to say my ex was abusive. This denial is horrible but it always seems to happen before another move forward which is great when a realisation hits but not the denial bit.
Oct 7 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Yep true about the denial

Yep true about the denial and moving forward a bit . I caught my self having this train of thought today after i remembered an row we had over him not caring i had a cold , my thoughts where thus : " he didnt care i have a cold because he didnt care about me , wate , he said he loved me so he must have cared , he was just being nasty to hurt me , why would he want to hurt me? maybe he had a bad day , maybe thats what his mother did to him when he had a cold , he said he didnt care that i had a cold , he doesnt care about me sob sob sob whats wrong with me that he dosent care i must be a horrible person .He doesnt care about anyone apart from himself and the reason he doesnt is because he has a personality disorder ". BINGO.(that last line is the new bit of moving forward ) You know hypnotists click their fingers and say "WIDE AWAKE" im hoping that will happen to me soon ! Peru
Oct 7 - 9PM (Reply to #13)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Peru

http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/09/30/he-said-communicating-narcissists-not-possible waking up will NOT be a snap of the fingers - it will be hard work to extract the poisonous lies they told and toxic things they did. Look how long victims of Chernobyl or anthrax take in the hospital to remove it all... and there's always unfixable damage. Trust has to be earned... over a LONG LONG period of time. I don't trust ANYONE completely but a few people have earned my trust, albeit partial. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.