Sick lies for quick sex

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#1 Oct 3 - 4AM

Scoop

Sick lies for quick sex

I thinking my narc really thinks everyone is as shallow as he is , because he cant feel normal emotion he has no concept of my emotion .
Cupcake when i heard that you got your text i had a light bulb moment . After all you have shared and all the work you have done on your self and the healing heres was a man who causaly picks up his phone and writes a line as if nothing had happened . His lack of empathy for me is astounding but i have followed your journey . He hasnt read your thoughts but a normal man would know when to leave alone it doesnt take a rocket scientist
to work it out , but to the narc even if he was a rocket scientist he still wouldnt get it .
Take my narc .I thought on sat when i went to his house and honestly told him how he had affected me ,i told him of the pain he had caused and even told him specific incidences ie cause and affect, I said " you did this and it made me feel like this, can you see why it would make me feel like this ?" and i thought i might be getting somewhere with him but i might as well have been saying "blah blah blah blah " That night he had his sights on the end goal which was sex with me and although he made the right noises and said he understood and that he was sorry it was all fore play till he could get me into bed .
Im thinking no one could be that shallow right ? wrong , someone could be that shallow and the real gut renching thing is that person is the person i believed out of all others got me , understood me and loved me .
People say why would you have a believe that this man understood and loved you , look at how he has treated you .And my response to that would be because he told me he loved me , he told me he would never hurt me , he told me i was the one , HE TOLD ME TO BELIEVE HIM.He said come in side its safe so i went in side and i got hit over the head with a brick .
I dont know how im ever going to trust another man again .
Peru x

#2 Oct 15 - 12AM

cupcake (not verified)

Thanks Marie

Marie! I've missed you, hope everything is ok with your little one I read your other post and you sound tired. It must be so exhausting being a full time mother, working and battling everything you had to go through! Thanks for your encouragement and kind words! Wow Marie we could have been with the same man except he used his mother as the OW!! I know that look you are talking about. The eyes look down but they are smug. Simpering smile on his face but eyes cast down. "I'm just going to the bathroom Cupcake". Bathroom light never went on, he was in the dining room where he left his phone messaging her. I don't miss that stuff either! The lying, the cheating, the constant D&D. Hopefully with more time we can move on with nice normal men, they are out there! Dramas can be saved for watching movies with nice men now, not being part of a sick twisted whirlwind of push and pull to serve their pathetic empty sad little lonely lives. Come back more often Marie if you can! Praying for you, hope things settle down soon. Love Cupcake

#3 Oct 12 - 7PM

Barbara (not verified)

good cupcake.... but

You do realize that you should NOT be dating until 18 months after your psycho. 18 MONTHS!!! stop NEEDING to be in a relationship and NEEDING to date. You're heading for trouble. I know I'm a party pooper... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#4 Oct 15 - 9AM (Reply to #60)

4joys (not verified)

cupcake

You say it's nice being with a normal kind man, but it's so early. Really, give yourself time before seeing/dating. They all start off kind caring and warm..you KNOW that! The shitty stuff comes much later. Be careful. Just the way you mention this new man tells me you havent quite "gotten it". This happens all the time to women in my group. They downplay that they are hanging out with a new guy. This guy is normal, they say. No, no, no..he is NOT like the others. Then a couple of weeks later...BAM! They are telling us he is not good for her at all.

#5 Oct 12 - 7PM (Reply to #59)

cupcake (not verified)

Not a pp!!

I can't even picture myself kissing this nice man. It's weird and wrong and I hate myself. I am still yearning for my Weak-N but this nice man understands and is happy to be friends and spend time slowly and see how it goes. It is so strange. I can't even picture myself being physicaly with a nice normal healthy man and still want to get naked with awful worthless pathetic man that used and abused me. I hope with therpay, time and medication it will change. I want to want this nice man but I just don't. I agree with you Barbara! ALl the way!

#6 Oct 12 - 7PM (Reply to #58)

thisisnotfun

I have to agree here. I

I have to agree here. I haven't been with my exN for almost 9 months. Haven't had sex with him for almost a year. I've been asked out many times but I'm toxic right now. I don't think I'm ready for dating. I believe when the tears stop, the obsession stops, the what if stops, just the feeling I still have stops I'm not healthly in my mind and it is not fair to any guy let alone myself to start dating. My 2 cents worth.

#7 Oct 8 - 5PM

cupcake (not verified)

Sick

They are all the same. He sent you a sexual letter? Barbara said there high sex drive comes from their rage (I hope I have this right) my N was very physical, very into sex it's like was addicted to it. Cynthia I know you understand this too!! All that stuff he asked you to do. What is wrong with these freaks? They are incapable of any normal human decency.

#8 Oct 10 - 11PM (Reply to #43)

cynthia (not verified)

All that stuff he asked you to do

quite frankly I will never understand all this sick shit he wanted me to do because I am not pathological and I dont want to understand nor do I want to care anymore. I have been educated with the basics of their behavior and that is enough for me to understand what I have to do in order to let it go and move on, or the other option is to stay and destroy my life over a predator, cant do it, goes against everything that I am and that was why I was stuck for so long, fighting and wishing he would recognize me for how I wanted him to see me, well that will never happen. He is too stupid and disturbed to recognize and appreciate good human traits in anyone, and all he does is discard good people anyway, so really Cupcake arent they a waste of our precious life? Oh by the way I changed my cell number and guess what? I am still alive and never again will I have to hear anyone tell me they want to stick their D in my mouth, let them say that to their GF's who they love so much. Its ok Cupcake to LET HIM GO, take back your life and you can only do that when you NEVER have to wonder when he will call you because you DONT CARE, trust me its not more painful blocking than wondering and listening or reading what they say LET HIM GO HONEY so you can have a future of hope again. Who cares if they thought we were whores, we know different, to them the whole word is nothing but ONE GREAT WHORE TO F--K, he comes, their whores come and its all over for them, on to the next one.

#9 Oct 12 - 7PM (Reply to #44)

cupcake (not verified)

Cynthia Barbara I did it!

I blocked him! From my mobile and e-mail! I did it! And it feels so refreshing. It goes up and down with him, I miss him then hate him then miss him than hate him but with NC I feel like I have pulled away from his sick spell and I am not under his control anymore. I feel sorry for the GF, she is so stuck and attached to him she won't have a happy life. Look what he did to her already. He spent whole weekends with me and not with her. She is a fool like all of us I guess who are controlled by a N. On a happier note - I would like to share something positive. A had a date on Friday night with a non N and it was nice. We went and lokoed after his two little nephews and guys I have to tell you how refreshing it was. It wasn't exciting as in the excitement our N's give us, I don't flutter or feel chemistry and dance when I see this normal guy's name on my phone when he messages or calls. but it was so nice to not worry. It was nice to be with someone who wasn't sneaking out to message someone else. There was no stress, this man is normal and nice. He was SO good with the kids and did everything, he even drove up to get us dinner while I read them a story. If that was the N it wouldn't have been the same night. I would be changing nappies, reading stories and driving up to get dinner while he sits there and drinks and sneaks around to message her. Iw ould be stressing as all buggery wondering why he was distant, who he was talking to etc. Instead I was able to enjoy a nice evening with a normal guy, no messages to other girls, no stress about what would happen tomorrow, no treading on eggshells, no push and pull. No being discarded the next day, he messages to say what a great time he had and asked me out again this week. And I know he won't stand me up like the N did so many times. I know he will be there and if he can't - he will call to say something has come up. Not like the N. He would leave me stood up and waiting all night. I really hate him. There are better guys out there. I'm not ready to move on and still yearn for my N and this nice man doesn't give me the excitement my N did but he is nice. and NORMAL. And NICE. there are real men in this world but you will never be happy with a N. They are not men. Not even human. Weak and pathetic!

#10 Oct 15 - 12AM (Reply to #56)

Marie

Cupcake

YEAH!!!!! This was so great to read. I haven't been able to be on that much due to work, family and social affairs but I'm glad I popped in to read this. I'm so happy for you that you are now letting go of this terrible man from your life. My N too would message with his OW, he always said it was his neice but he had his lying face on. Whenever he lied he smiled a certain way and got this look in his eye, it didn't take me long to figure out he looked that way when he was lying. I don't miss that, sitting there like an idiot while he texted with her. And I don't miss the dates he'd break last minute or sitting somewhere having him rush me through a meal while he looked anxiously around; I'm sure he was afraid to get caught with me. In the end he never took me out anywhere wasn't hard to figure out he didn't want to be seen with me. No, Cupcake don't miss all that lying you deserve so much more. You sound so much happier, I'm glad for you. Nice that you have a normal guy to see, it will give you a picture of what life should be like without all the drama. Drama is exciting to watch but not be in. I wish you all the best! Marie

#11 Oct 14 - 1PM (Reply to #53)

Scoop

There is a man i like at

There is a man i like at drumming, but the other day when we where playing i had to raise my arm up and i didnt raise it high enough so he came over and with out permission straightened my arm , he touched me with out permission , i felt i wanted to hit him . I dont think im ready to date yet , but if he likes me he will wate , he doesnt know why he is wating but maybe if we get together in the future i will tell him . Blocking your narc Cupcake is a real step forward , i feel very proud of you because at the start i thought it was touch and go , there where times you where in so much pain i really wondered if we would hear from you again . I am at a strange place at the moment , i seem to be a bit numb to my narc , there is no anger for a couple of days , no ranting , just a heavy sigh when i think of him , he has buggered off again and i havnt heared from him , no doubt he will be back, he is just adjusting his mask . I am in such a difficult situation as we really do share all the same friends , i have branched out and met new people with drumming but i have lost count of how many partys and events i havnt been on because he would have been there .I went to one wedding and look what happened i ended up staying the night with the freak . I feel in limbo which is better than pain and it will do for now . Peru x

#12 Oct 14 - 9PM (Reply to #55)

cupcake (not verified)

Peru

I remember that story about the wedding, I don't blame you I would have done the same thing. Seeing them with OW well..hurts when it is right in your face too. That is so cool that you do drumming! I'm glad you found something you can have fun and meet people and focus on and the good thing about that guy crossing your space and touching you is you wanted to hit him! You didn't welcome it, maybe you are getting stronger and learning! That is hard having the same friends, I couldn't go to parties either it would be too hard. Lucky me was kept in a dark corner so not many friends to worry about!! I'm sorry you feel in limbo, it's not nice and it is sad to hear that it is better than pain and "will do for now". I know what you mean, I guess you just take one day at a time! My mood changes all the time now since him I thought I might have been a N but Barbara said a N would never even say or admit that!!! Hang in there beautiful Peru. We are here. Hopefully one day we can move on with healthy men and have a fulfilling loving relationship which won't happen with a N. Love Cupcake.

#13 Oct 14 - 8PM (Reply to #54)

4joys (not verified)

perutoo

Him raising your arm like that, without asking you first if you wanted him to show you the proper way was a bit of a red flag. Crossing personal boundaries. We all deserve our own personal space. He didnt give yours any respect. Its good how you notice these now, huh? Good for you.

#14 Oct 13 - 8PM (Reply to #45)

cynthia (not verified)

GOOD CONGRATULATIONS cupcake

I know it was a hard step because you said goodbye to what seemed like a dream, but we allowed ourselves to stay stuck in that illusion, even after the illusion is gone we still seek validation that we were worth something, but Cupcake we dont need validation from a psychopath or anyone to know we ARE WORTH SOMETHING, we dont have to destroy our lives waiting around to see if some disordered person cared enough about us to call us or text us. Now that we are both out of the illusion and our dreams were shattered and we were betrayed now what? I KNOW, we rebuild our lives, our dreams and future. We can still have our dreams just not with the con man, who wants a life with a man that was never real anyway? A dream with a man that only uses and abuses, it turned into a nightmare for us. I am glad you are seeking others to go out with, I think its too soon but on the flip side of that its good you are exposing yourself to normal, healthy men to interact with. It doesnt have to include sex, I think what you are feeling is normal, you have to quit comparing Mr Con Man to others you meet, and if you do meet someone that made you feel like your psychopath RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, seriously we dont want what we had with them and that will take some adjustment in our minds to get used to. Nice is good Cupcake but we arent used to that are we? We are used to being treated like hookers and that is the damage they leave us with, deprogram is the key, you have to reverse it all, I think as we recover we will slowly accept decency and respect back into our lives and it will seem normal again and they will seem VERY VERY VERY abnormal, the good looks,charm, wont mean much to you anymore once you get a taste of what a good, genuine, partner should be. There are days NC is hard but you are only going through a type of withdrawl and it is uncomfortable, a type of deprogramming and that is hard as well, look how hard it was for us to accept who they were and how miserable we were being brainwashed, same holds true for undoing it all. You just said FU to this freak and it was long overdue!!!!! You just said all the things you ever wanted to say to him with NC, trust me you did.

#15 Oct 14 - 9PM (Reply to #46)

cupcake (not verified)

Cynthia!!!

You are right we don't need these worthless men to make us feel unworthy! They are the unworthy ones! Who cares if they call or text us (oh I still do) they are pathetic. Nice is nice but no, we are not used to being treated well and it feels weird! That guy I was with on Friday was lovely, normal and nice but there was no hot and heavy! But also no stress, no eggshells, no discarding, none of the stress and pain that comes with the weak N's. Thanks for saying that, I hope I got the last word! I don't feel it is closed yet for me but I guess time, therapy, meds, coming to our family here and sharing thoughts and feelings. It feels weird almost. Not to be so up and down these days. I miss him of course and the toxic excitement he brought to my life but I am starting to shift slowly. Hey guys my therapist told me a funny story yesterday. She counselled this N years ago and diagnosed him with the disorder. He was so 'pleased' to have a disorder he went to work and bragged to everyone he was a N and needed therapy and medication because he wanted the attention. THEN he went home and told his wife "see? now you have to tolerate me and my affairs, I have a sickness that can't be cured I can't help what I am." He told her she would have to now tolerate his infidility because he had a disease and he was proud of it! FREAK!

#16 Oct 15 - 12PM (Reply to #52)

cynthia (not verified)

You sound good

that is sick that story, thats like saying, see the doctor said I am sick so its ok to kill other people. Diagnosing him with the disorder does not make ANYTHING OK, and does not give him the right or excuse to destroy other people, he should be locked away while on meds and not be able to interact with society but it doesnt work that way, and sadly he will never be cured. I know you still wonder if he will call or text, maybe we will always wonder how their little sick minds work but the key is NOT CARING because caring destroyed us, when we can let it go we can release them in our hearts and minds to the life they choose to live and know they will never hurt us anymore, they are ALWAYS hurting someone, ALWAYS Cupcake, there is always another woman crying over them and being betrayed I am just glad its not me anymore.

#17 Oct 14 - 9PM (Reply to #47)

Barbara (not verified)

not human -- freaks

I think this is partly what Psycho-Boy did. Told the wife he has a disorder and NEEDS her to HELP him. I have met Narcs who admitted they are Narcs and are PROUD of it. I met a couple SOCIOPATHS like that too PROUD and using it as an excuse! Pardon my pukin' ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#18 Oct 14 - 9PM (Reply to #51)

quietude (not verified)

proud

They say they're proud and maybe even believe it, because think of a self-aware N,P, or S who truly knew what the condition meant. It would be the scariest thing ever, like living a nightmare every day. They'd probably off themselves if they really understood what they were. See, there I go thinking normally again...as if this fact would 'bother' them!

#19 Oct 14 - 9PM (Reply to #48)

cupcake (not verified)

Pukin too B!

My goodness. Being proud of being non human freaks aliens that draw pleasure out of hurting people. That is so sick! How are you faring these days Barbara? I don't think any of us ask you that question often enough! You doing ok?

#20 Oct 14 - 10PM (Reply to #49)

Barbara (not verified)

cupcake

in what way ok?.... Disability wise I have been in a lot of pain... put my back out 2 weeks ago and healing is slow. I have another brain scan soon and doctors appts to do.... it never ends. I don't get out much - only for kids' stuff and my doctors... Very busy with my children and school... don't get nearly enough sleep... not good but I crash on weekends big time My car broke down 2 days ago to the tune of $800 which I had to borrow. grrrr I also decided to start post on the blog about Psycho-Boy again: http://thestumblingblock.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/going-to-start-posting-here-again/ My abuse site is doing well... which is good & sad at the same time: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com thank you for asking cupcake :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#21 Oct 14 - 10PM (Reply to #50)

cupcake (not verified)

Barbara

Oh Barbara, that actually sounds really really tough. I'm glad and sad too that your abuse site is doing well. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother and despite everything and the hell you have been through you do everything right for them. Will pray for your pain and healing, I hope it gets better for you soon. You do so much for everyone here and we love you!! I hope you manage to find some time to yourself soon and do something nice for YOU. Love Cupcake

#22 Oct 14 - 9PM (Reply to #42)

Barbara (not verified)

cupcake

What is wrong with these freaks? THEY ARE NOT HUMAN! and yes, the Sexual Narc's sex addiction comes from their primitive aggression. Years ago Cluster B pathology used to be called "MORAL DEPRAVITY" -- should have kept it, its more appropriate. Cupcake - did you block him???? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#23 Oct 7 - 8PM

grossot

Peru

There is a saying that goes: "it doesn't take much to get to the bottom of a shallow person". I read that recently and thought 'yea, what about an empty person?' There is a big difference in being shallow and being N. N's are empty; void of emotion and compassion. And somehow, through acting,they draw us in. They act. That's what makes them different than a vain or shallow person. These people plot and scheme. They can hide being shallow. We have the gift (those of us on this messageboard) of figuring them out. I remember crying to one of my good friends from church, "I prayed that God would open my eyes and now He has and I wish they were closed again" But over time I'm glad they were opened. It was easy when I was naÃ¯ve to his games but it was confusing. Knowing the truth is freeing. Can we ever trust again. Maybe not as fullu as we once did. But think of that as a good thing. You are now in control. ~Give a Narc an inch and they become the ruler~ nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#24 Oct 7 - 4PM

baddream

Not blocking them..

I commiserate with all of you because I can't completely sever my ties either. When he sends me letters I read them instead of throwing them away. When my phone rings with caller ID "Unavailable" I have answered only to find him on the line. Each and every time it has been a mistake. I am suffering now, having read his most recent letter telling me in detail what he would like to be doing to me sexually. Isn't this appalling and disgusting? And yet, I read the letters. What is wrong with me? Why do I do this? I think the answer to that question is that I am still waiting for validation that I matter, ever mattered to him, was not his supply object, and hoped the letter or the call would tell me that. Of course it won't! After 8 years I should know better. Each time I allow him to contact me it is a major set back, and each time it opens up my wounds all over again. We are definitely brainwashed and need to be deprogrammed. Although therapy and meds will help to a degree, the realization of their evilness and resulting hopelessness must come and we must find the strength from within to hold fast. I am also considering hypnosis at this point as I know I am dealing with an irrational, unhealthy addiction.

#25 Oct 7 - 6PM (Reply to #37)

Barbara (not verified)

baddream

Try this: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/hypnosis-for-repairing-the-aftermath-of-pathological-love-relationships and stay in therapy! If you don't go NC, you have NOT EVEN started to heal then. You are still at ZERO. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#26 Oct 7 - 7PM (Reply to #38)

baddream

Hypnosis

Thanks Barbara I do think there is hope in hypnosis as a means to deal with the programming and mind control issues as well as to provide insulation from the physical and mental damage that has resulted in my relationship with him.. http://www.hypnos.co.uk/hypnomag/kougue27.html You are absolutely right about NC. I was doing great while he was leaving me alone, and as soon as he started working his way back in (after 8 years he has so many little tricks) it is like I have moved 5 steps forward, and 2 1/2 steps back. I say that because at this point I am AWARE of what is happening and what he is, it is just so hard to stop it...as opposed to previously when I had no idea what was happening or why.

#27 Oct 7 - 8PM (Reply to #39)

Barbara (not verified)

more on hypnosis

as Sandra Brown, MA says: "Hypnosis got him into your head - so hypnosis can help get him out" ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

#28 Oct 6 - 6PM

cupcake (not verified)

Thanks guys love Cupcake

Thanks to you all again - every sentence each of you write helps me so much. Barbara is right. What is the point of paying for therapy, going on medication unless I am prepared to block him. Look what happened! I was doing so well and finding healing and peace. Then one message has thrown me back into a whirlwind of darkness and despair. Think what more contact will do to me. I will have a think and try. I mean why not? Why not block him? I don't know why I am so afraid of doing that. I will try. And pray. And try! All of you are saying that they brainwash us, and TELL us to believe their masks, their lies, everything. It is so true. I loved Pretend Guy not who he really was. And there is something inside of me that hopes that Pretend Guy will become a reality. It will never happen!

#29 Oct 6 - 9PM (Reply to #33)

Hoping2Heal (not verified)

cupcake

I'm struggling with the whole bloacking thing as well. Part of its fear he'll get mad and our "friendly" divorce will turn nasty and drawn out. The other part is this INSANE hope that my husband will come to his senses. I KNOW it wont happen! He told me today "you should have minded" meaning we'd still be together. Then he said "you let me down again you never gave up the butt" meaning I would never agree to anal sex! PIG. I may not have to go NC cause the more he opens his mouth and says that stuff the more I see what a PIG he is! He'd be LUCKY to ever have me again for 5 minutes let alone forever. I DEFINITELY love pretend guy! PRETEND, FAIRY TALE, ACTOR, NOT real. I think the loss of the dream is the worst for me. I wanted happily ever after with pretend guy!

#30 Oct 7 - 5PM (Reply to #35)

tina

Jbaysmom - me too

the hardest part for me was the loss of the dream. same for me. I felt so duped...oh yeah, I was.

#31 Oct 6 - 10PM (Reply to #34)

Barbara (not verified)

Jbaysmom

"you let me down again you never gave up the butt" meaning I would never agree to anal sex! Ah yes the 'deep emotional needs' of the sexual Narc. ROFLMAO Stunning that we even loved them - these non-humans. Block HIS sorry BUTT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.

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