Awesome Things

* HEARING THE BIRDS SINGING IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS AND IT BRINGING A SMILE TO MY FACE INSTEAD OF A DREDFUL FEELING OF "UGH, I MUST GET OUT OF BED AND START MY DAY" NOW, I SPRING OUT OF BED WITH A SMILE....PRICELESS! * DOING THINGS WITH MY DAUGHTER THAT WE NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE TOGETHER IN A MILLION YEARS!! SINCE THE DEMISE OF MY 15 YEARS WITH NARC #1, SHE SEES ME DIFFERENTLY, AS A WOMAN, NOT JUST A MOM. SHE RESPECTS ME AND ADMIRES MY STRENGTH AND TELLS ME SO OFTEN......PRICELESS! * MAKING DECISIONS BASED ON ME SOLELY! NOT TURNING MYSELF INSIDE OUT TO ACCOMODATE EVERYONE ELSE AND THEIR NEEDS....PRICELESS! * READING LATE INTO THE EVENING, WITHOUT CONCERNING MYSELF WITH WHETHER THE LIGHT IS BOTHERING ANYONE.... * CALLING ALL THE SHOTS........IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING!

Seeing a rainbow in the sky after the first rain that my area has had in about 240 days, and smelling it as it's coming down. Sitting on the back porch reading a book, and hearing the birds chirp in the trees. Waking up happy in the mornings, and knowing I will NEVER again have to hear someone tell me what a horrible person I supposedly am simply because I happen to exist. Hanging my foot off the edge of bed in the night, and having my dog rub my toes with his back. He "self-pets" himself when I'm too lazy to do it for him. lol. The peaceful, contented feeling when I take my dogs for a nice walk in the country around my home. Of course, that is only until one of my dogs happens to see a bunny, and he overflows with way too much "happiness" for his own good. :) Knowing that when my phone rings, it will be a call from someone that actually wants to talk to me. It's usually MY friends and family. It won't be xnmil calling at the last minute (deliberately) so that she can hang on the phone with xnh for a couple hours and ruin any plans that already exist (and I was looking forward to doing). Xnmil was notorious for doing this. It was a form of control. Meeting with my friends during the week for a "ladies night out" to go swimming and have dinner, knowing that I will get absolutely no grief about lingering and enjoying the experience, after I get home. I, also won't get the Spanish Inquisition about everything that was said. I get to enjoy the night...just because.

Peace of mind Peace of heart Peace of soul I swear, I'm enjoying my narc-free serenity. I don't even care where I am or what I'm doing. I feel lighter, happier, more content. No more playing "Where's Waldo" -- what is he doing, WHO is he doing. The crazy train has stopped at Serenity Station and I'm not getting back on. :)

A hug and a kind word from a friend. A mutual friend of my ex N and mine this morning.. gave me the speech... she thinks he needs therapy. Then gave me the biggest warmest hug I've had in a long time and told me to let him rot by himself I deserve better then that. Such a small thing... but so healing. Today I focus on that hug... not the narc

The smell of the deep south, shortly after a summer rain... The sound of my daughters infectious laughter, a sniff of her hair line in the morning. Total and complete silence. Helicopter skiing, someplace death defying, facing the thrill head on....mind soul body focused on the task at hand. Champagne, it's a noun, Verb and an adjective, intrinsically elicits joy home and celebration! Waking from this terrible soul snatching fog!, in the deep south, curled up next to my daughter in total silence drinking champagne while plotting a trip to someplace snowy, all hail Argentina! Fuck you narctard!

The dappled sunlight as it shines through a canopy of leaves. The feeling of accomplishment after a workout. The soft feel of an animal's fur as you pet it. A tender, heartfelt kiss. Fractured rainbows of light as they shine through the crystal prisms in my sliding glass door the morning. The smell of a campfire. Feeling content. And...Totally Not Spinning! Love and light to all who stop here from, (totally not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT!!

Things that are better than the N! The smell, touch, the love of a horse! I have found nothing better!! Trail riding thru the woods on a beautiful fall day with friends! Getting Streaker (Spoiled bottle calf that I raised last summer that still thinks that I am mom) kisses everytime he sees me! Barrel racing with my horse as a team! Time spent with my husband, trying to find us again after the Narc! Cuddling and loving my dog! Time spent in the barn each evening doing chores and just enjoying the horses, cats, dogs! Watching our two kittens play!

My daughter, a big blanket a comfy couch and a sappy movie :) Long drive with my daughter... going nowhere, going anywhere... singing our hearts out to the music list we put together. Crap... now I'm crying missing my kid! Cuddling with my dog A long hot bath with NO DRAMA or noise Reading a book in peace and quiet Listening to the rain while all curled up in a blanket in bed Sitting in a strawberry field and eating more then you actually get into the baskets Day dreaming about the day I have grandchildren Watching the sunrise, hearing the birds and just knowing today is going to be a better day.